In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future. -Alex Haley
I believe more than anything that the closeness of our mother Joan to her only Brother, Fred was the amazing gift that they had left us. It wasn’t just a weekend get-together, or a quick holiday but when the Gills came over it was for THE SUMMER. It is those long hot innocent Summers of childhood. It is the memories of ALL the senses (like I spoke about in my last post 1969) that come back. The overly chlorinated pool, Uncle Brothers overly buttered and salted popcorn. Listening to Paul McCartneys “Hands Across the Water” and all of us singing in union.
I have recollections of many people I have met, friends, coworkers, casual conversation…and they have shared with me; “Oh I don’t talk to my sister anymore.” or “I have no need to to see my family.” or “Screw my dad, he’s a jerk.” One day you will wake up and realize how short this journey of life is.
Maybe I am over emotional and way too deep (as I have been told) but when I was on the phone with my cousin Jim last week, I cannot express the feelings that came over me to hear his voice again. To hear him as a father and a husband AND a Grandfather! He wasn’t just my cousin quarterbacking our touch football team down for a score on Whitman street.
And when we finally had to hang up, I told him something I never told him before. “I love you” and it came from the depths of my heart and soul.
BTW—that is Jim, Mindy and her beautiful daughter Krystal (did I spell that right?)
Todays Forecast; Breezy. Clouds of Depression lifting late. Scattered showers in the higher metropolitan regions. High pressure building from the Great Lakes will promote mainly sunny skies in the afternoon.
Highs near 70.
Tonight:
Darkness and sleeplessness followed by money worries and nightmares.
Highs near 55.
Tomorrow:
Increasing phone calls from Florida. Guilt. No electricity. Rejection and fear.
Lows near 50.
I wish I had a wall to hang your photos. I have so many. In frames that I found in Flea Markets and Thrift Shops.. Some I had to glue together. Others I had to take out the old matting and newspaper stuffing. Cardboard. I never found a hidden note.
Once we walked from the sand into the bay. Two water rats we were. The sky darkened and the thunder rumbled in the distance. As all the bathers walked out we passed their splashing feet the other way AND WENT IN.
Never go in the water during a Thunderstorm !!
But we took that chance.
One time my mother knew that I liked trucks SO MUCH that she allowed me to eat my breakfast on the front window sill so I could watch a neighbors pool being built with a shovel truck.
REJECTION:
Is very painful. But as you get older you seem to figure it (and alot of other things out) This past week I was flooded with rejection BUT I didn’t go about it in the usual way of loss of confidence, loss of self esteem, and depression. I was very hurt. This happens so much in our lives but it is so much easier for me to say, “I am the King of Rejection” I don’t know what it is but I try so hard and then the HATRED from others just smothers me.
SELF PITY:
Is a wonderful cozy place. It welcomes you with open arms and never wants to let you go. There are big comfy chairs that hold you. There is plenty of good food and tv. Self Pity is a beautiful HEAVEN an awesome vacation where you never want to go back.
After all of my rejection I got a free pass to Self Pity in the mail. Boy Oh Boy, as tempted as I was, I threw the damn thing away. Ripped it up into pieces and went back to my computer to send out resumes.
GOSSIP
Is a killer. I am very guilty of it. But from what I have witnessed the last few months to a year, I have become more aware of how deadly and virus spreading it could be. I would rather have gone to jail then shared my inner-most feelings and private personal business.
Have you ever walked into a room and listened as someone else trashes another person and they don’t know you are standing there?? Then you find out it was you, they were trashing.
Gossip is everywhere and contagious. Within families it is even more deadly and negative.
When I hear bad gossip now, I am VERY aware of it. If I am forced to speak in that situation, I will try my best to reverse the negativity and say something positive about the gossip victim. Several relationships that I have in the family have been destroyed because of gossip. People believe I am a monster. I am not.
Right now, I am going through another very dark area of my life. Money is not the key to happiness but there are alot of people that are depending on me for money. The kind of work I do has changed dramatically and cut drastically and I am older.
I have several ideas to start TWO different business’. I believe that they both will succeed with hard work and dedication.
Eventually I hope to incorporate my boys in these business’.
I go to a small chapel when I can and ask God to help. I am starting to feel very alone and a little desperate. I have a network of friends that I feel distant from. I am seriously thinking of plan X. Plan X is a one way ticket to Hawaii. Laugh all you want. The day you can’t find George, I’ll be throwing this MacBook Pro into the Pacific Ocean.
Instead of ‘where’s waldo’, it would be…. where’s george-o!
People always talk, its human nature. Then theres the female human nature & the male human nature cuz buddy, they are not the same! Women NEED to talk, men NEED to go into their caves. Most gossip is not meant to be malicious, it just happens to end up that way.
Its kind of like…. well if so & so is doing x or x, then I must be doing ok because I’m not doing THAT. I think its how we measure ourselves.
I’ve been having a pity party myself, but after a while, it gets kind of lonely.
I never thought you were a monster George, I thought you were an animal rarrrrh! & sometimes a little wacky and I mean that in the nicest possible way
Good morning. Yes, that is the correct spelling. I so look forward to reading what everyone writes and has to say. I would like to help out and answer any questions you would like me to answer. I think this is one of the coolest sites. It lets everyone know how everyone is doing and how they are feeling. Well, if there is anything you want me to do or help out with let me know. Everyone have a great day. xoxox