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photos found on my phone

Before smart phones appeared in the worlds pocket, I did carry a small point and shoot with me everywhere. This was especially handy when I worked in NYC. So I quess I was slightly futuristic in that sense.. Now it just seems so absolutely crazy for anyone to just pull a small camera AND video recorder out of their pocket at anytime! When you think about the late 1800’s early twentieth century it literally took hours to set up and load a camera from one photo.
Nobody likes the movies I like and sometimes I don’t blame them. With the likes of Annie Hall, Vanilla Sky, Arizona Dream, Eraser Head, Harold and Maude etc. My track record for picking movies on movie night is supposedly “corrupt and ridiculous” Birdman was special to me right from the very beginning. When I saw the trailer, I knew that it was “mine.” Nobody wanted to go and see it with me and it pissed me off. So one night I just went. It was the second time I went to a movie by myself in my life. (not counting the the 1980’s Times Square days) The first movie I ever saw by myself was a midnight showing of Gravity. I had front and center in a nearly empty theater and was BLOWN away by the thing. It is just a movie that is best experienced in a big theater with good sound. You can’t bring this movie home and watch it on your flat screen. I don’t care how high tech your home theater is, Gravity is an -e x p e r i e n c e- that needs a big dark theater with a huge screen and LOUD surround sound. There is hardly a plot but you can really feel like you were in outer space if you do this right.

So when I saw Birdman, alone, I thought it was fantastic and wanted to share it. So I corralled some friends together, who I thought were movie buffs. This is gonna be great, I thought.
After my second viewing of Birdman my friends hunched their shoulders and were like “Whaaaat?” One of them, the youngest on her way to Boston University did like it but I think it was because she is such a huge Ed Norton fan.
So you didn’t like it? It was weird? Are you kidding me? Did you notice how the opening scene was an unstopped, unedited ten minutes? Did you know this was the first movie to use new photoshop technology to enhance dramatic lighting on faces and scenes? Maybe I loved it too much because I could relate entirely to the lead character– An old man “has been”! Yes, this was an “artsy” film but the acting and music was perfectly orchestrated. The NYC theater background was brilliant. I proudly tweeted one day; “I AM Birdman” and felt it in my blood. Nobody came back to me after it won Best Picture…. nobody.

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To write is to leave this world

The ocean is always moving, adjusting. rearranging. Never silent. The seahawks scream and the whales hold echoey conversations. The ocean goes on deeper then any scientist has ever imagined. Even in the deepest darkest corner, something lives.

My mind, like lazy honey, spills onto the pillows and sheets. I think of another day gone by, like I do every other night. In the last moments of near consciousness I rediscover last nights dreams. They come back in swift flashes of images, sound and smell. Then, when I fall asleep, they are forgotten forever.

I sleep in a front room that might actually have been a porch at one time. I sleep against the wall half buried in a blue comforter. I sleep now with a woman that is not from this country but from over the seas and the high castles of eastern Europe. Sometimes she is still lost for her homeland. In her dreams she runs across the hills chasing clouds and hangs her artwork on trees.

I am back at the ocean. In the Winter I come here to avoid the crowds. Pudding is best served cold.The sand is like snow between my toes as I watch the twinkling lights along the long coastline.

The place where we sleep: The wall in front of us is all windows. Every orange sunset and every yellow sunrise melts like ice cream. Even when our eyes are closed in sleep.

In this dream my father was a medieval giant living in the endless lush forest. My mother is a cow grazing in a green fields that is in front of the forest. The ten children are baby cubs playing around the cow. Every once in a while the ground and trees rumble and sway and we can see our father peeking at us from over the tops of the trees.

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the man in the window

what is a blog and why am I going to be in one seventy years from now?

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Please, not another post about the end of the world!

Yes, I know, I know, move on George! If it comes it comes but last year the end of the world was predicted and it was all over the news if anybody remembers: (from Wikapedia)
The 2011 end times prediction made by American Christian radio host Harold Camping stated that the Rapture and Judgment Day would take place on May 21, 2011,[1][2] and that the end of the world would take place five months later on October 21, 2011.[3] The Rapture, in a specific tradition of premillennial theology, is the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people. Camping, then president of the Family Radio Christian network, claimed the Bible as his source and said May 21 would be the date of the Rapture and the day of judgment “beyond the shadow of a doubt”.[4] Camping suggested that it would occur at 6 p.m. local time, with the rapture sweeping the globe time zone by time zone,[5][6] while some of his supporters claimed that around 200 million people (approximately 3% of the world’s population) would be ‘raptured’.

So yeah a bunch of garbage right? The world is still spinning round and round but was anyone paying attention at 6PM on May 21, 2011? You see, a fool like me was. I was driving through Plainfield NJ on my way to my postal box in Scotch Plains NJ and I was fully aware that it was after 6PM and it was May 21, 2011. Down this main street of what many would consider the inner-city of a typical New Jersey city.
What I first saw was the day laborers standing in lines on the sides of the streets, a typical sight actually until they all at once began looking up at the sky and some of them pointing.
Before I could turn my car around or stop to see what they were looking at, a HUGE gust of wind came out of no where and was blowing garbage and dust across the street!
Suddenly it got real dark and the wind increased to an almost gale! At this point I looked in my rear view mirror and really couldn’t believe what I saw, it was almost total darkness. Yeah, the weather is unpredictable in May and for the most part it was a pretty Spring day. I remember that because I will never ever forget this day!
I stopped my car and got out and as the wind and dirt whipped my face, I went to my backpack and pulled out my point and shoot camera that I always have on me.
What I saw will never be fully captured digitally as once again as it always is in real life: You Just HAD to be THERE! It was a huge black mass of clouds traveling at a ridicules speed. I really just couldn’t believe what I was witnessing and the knot in my stomach being totally unable to swallow was something that I will never ever forget.

Saturday May 21, 2011 6:35 PM Plainfield NJ

I guess my first thoughts were like “wow, that bastard was right” and I looked around at all the Spanish people that were witnessing the end of the world with me and they were smiling and still pointing. Maybe they were think “wow that bastard was right”, too.

If you pull up the Information on this photo, here is proof of the time (my camera was mistakenly set on AM) and date that it was taken along with the model of my camera.

– What happened after this is pretty obvious. The world didn’t end. The day laborers went home to eat and the big sweeping “rapture cloud” went away. I think that maybe I was a little disappointed, went back in my car and drove away in slight dismay. When I opened this photo, I was very disappointed and that maybe I should have taken a movie. It surely would have been more dramatic with the sound of the wind and maybe some baffled Spanish faces looking up at the sky. The next day I tried to tell a few people but just got a few rolling eyes. The photo got lost in my endless layers of digital mayhem but I had to dig it out for this.
SOMETHING did happen that day and it was more then a freak rainstorm. I searched all the local news for anything saying ANYTHING about the 8 minuets or so that me and 10 Spanish men witnessed that day. Nothing. So this event just got lost in my memory until now. Nobody would listen and nobody cared.Because I do believe in magic, the afterlife, angels, God and maybe even a little bit of rapture. Amen!

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Day 8

Fall's last stand. Buckle in for another long Winter of global warming.

Hey, yeah. I owned a house once. I paid a mortgage, property taxes, and called Home Depot my second place to live. I watched that house being built. It was brand new. Basement, three bedrooms, cathedral ceiling, deck, fireplace, almost an acre of green grass, gardens, swings in the back and even a sprinkler system.
Watching that thing go up was, what I remember, the most exciting time of my life.
Then, within one year, had a baby and bought a new car. I worked my ass off as a Teamster in a refrigerated warehouse. I remember coming home one late Summer evening and the sun was an orange explosion sinking into the scrub pines of the cul de sac. I had the smell of a new car, walked past my beautiful green grass and up the perfect concrete driveway. When I walked in the house, I could smell the brand new home and the brand new baby. Beautiful smells, by the way.
I HAD MY OWN PLACE and I just fell in love with that feeling. I worked really hard, never turned down a minuet of overtime, worked nights, weekends and split weeks, never took days off so I could get paid for them at the end of the year and that made the FEELING of OWNING my own HOUSE the best feeling I ever had in my life. Work hard and you shall be rewarded. If not today then maybe 20 years from now. Be true to yourself, brush your teeth twice a day, build a house with blood sweat and tears and then maybe one day it will disappear like sawdust on a windy day -like it did for me.

I can still smell you.

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Day 7

when i first pulled up
the sign in front of the house when i first saw it i
fucking threw up in the driveway the first time”for
sale-take a virtual tour”and the rain washed itaway/
that is what they tell me it says anyway
only when i read it it says “THE MAN OF THIS
and fucking aunt amiee laughing at the photos on the
internet Like she was laughing at me
and the neighbors drive by real slow in their brand
new trucks and cars…their new additions on their

flowers that i planted ten years ago starting to pop
spring is here already?
and so much i wanted to tewll you
so damn much
just washeD away;like my throwup

“You have no idea what a poor opinion
I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.”
-william gilbert

Free Fall

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In heaven, men can smoke cigars and watch football.

Once a long time ago in the 1960’s when things were different. Friendships and families were etched in real life, and not “on-line”. Face to face with booze, cards, cigars, cheap bars, real talk, real people and you couldn’t hide behind a monitor and a mouse. The TV broke down all the time because it had picture tubes in it. Men watched the NFL because it was a great game and not a big business nursing over-paid egos. There were REAL heros on the REAL grass playing half back for half ass salaries. There were heros circling the earth in tin cans and The Daily News had “all the news that’s fit to print” Those were the days. Lucky Filter commercials on the tube while sipping Schaffer beer…..and me and my cousins were around to remember this. To witness the love and togetherness of two families.
Since my reunion with Jaybird my memories have broken open and the things that I thought I remembered were only the tip of the iceburg. That as a very little boy I went around the living room while Jay and George drank beer from cans (that you had to open with a can opener) and I was “allowed” to take sips. And I loved it, cause it made me feel all warm and fuzzy and it had nothing to do with Y.A. Tittle throwing touchdowns against the Cleveland Browns on a mud field covered in straw.
Jay was a very tall man with a pom pom and a military uniform. His laugh was contagious and his smile endless. He loved my father and my father loved him. They journeyed into the Bronx New York together to watch The New York Football Giants play in a baseball stadium. They drank beer and laughed and celebrated life like two happily married men with children should. The economy was good, The Beatles were on Ed Sullivan and the Worlds Fair (the most famous EVER) was alive and well and only a stones throw from NJ. Gas was cheap and driving to and fro even on school and work nights was easy.
Brother-in-laws that cared for and took time to see each other whenever they could. They created a pact whether they knew it or not. That life is way too short to fight or cry or ignore. Life was good. But then like everything that is supposed to last forever……it changed. The endless happy visits to military bases suddenly cut short because fate had other plans.

Jaybird and Butch. Las Vegas November 2011. George Sr. and Jay Sr are smiling from the eerie glow of the night sky.

Turns out George Sr. died rather mysteriously and quickly and Jay followed right behind him about a year later. They left a legacy of fourteen children and two totally confused and frightened wives.
They missed everything that life had to offer after that. The cousins fell between three thousand miles and over thirty years of weddings, funerals, grandchildren, Super Bowls, vacations, sunsets, new cars, sickness, disappointment, happiness, technology, and all the extreme highs and lows that life can bring.
And one windy Fall night on the roof of a Parking lot, in the depths of Sin City’s neon glow, “The pact” was renewed. And whether they knew it or not…it all came together again….survivors, dreamers and lovers. The first time he grabbed me and hugged me…it actually shocked me(it wasn’t in front of a pool)….and when I asked him about that hug he said, “It’s just the type of person I am.”

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Day 5

Basements have always haunted me.

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Day 4

Late. It took me four days to blow it.
Missing deadlines? Part of my life.
It is these dead gray sky days on the doorsteps of Winter that just depresses the hell out of me. I don’t want to be a manager. I don’t even want to be a grown-up. I hate Christmas because my job smothers the whole bell ringing season into a blurr of deadlines and fear. I want to be carefree again. A kid. A little boy. Laying on the top bed of the bunk bed and counting down the days until Christmas with my brother Greg.
I miss you brother. I love you brother. I realize so many little stupid things now. The innocence of being a child. Under the shadows of our mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, Grandfathers, Grandmothers…they are all almost dead. Everyone. Dead.
Once upon a time life would go on forever and our parents would always be there. But not here. Not anymore. Maybe that is in heaven.

Hello Uncle Billy??? Hello?? Why am I so afraid to call you?? What was my dad like as a little kid? Were you guys close? What about pop? Did he speak German to you? Hello??? Hello??

Hush a bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock;
When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

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Day 3

lunch time on the stretcher table

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