Archive for June, 2012

That Orange Hue of Summer

AM radio. Yes, it still exists. In all this new technology and stuff..the crackle and pop of an all talk AM radio at night is much more therapeutic then meeting 100 phony “friends” on FaceBook. As a matter of fact FB has become a real crap hole. I think I have too many asshole “friends” that just recycle cute shit and sayings. Facebook has become what emails became before they got stupid and old. Just really bad recycled garbage. I started a Twitter account and began following people. Real people. Real companies. Real writers and poets. Legitimate photographers and professional designers and they gave REAL links. Stuff that I wanna read and share…not talking fucking dogs and really bad photos of “I don’t give a shits” birthday. Twitter is my rebirth into the social network.
But AM radio is my therapeutic link to my past. It is a warm hot womb of bad music, news and talk shows. I’m so old that when I was a kid an AM radio was the only thing that came equipped with a new car. When FM radio came out it was a major break thru in my time. I said to my friends: “This is the end of AM radio” …and it wasn’t…Thank God.

My kids and I always go to the boardwalk in the Winter. It is rather mysterious and fun. There are no swarms of clueless New Yorkers, traffic or stupidity and everything is open. My kids hate when I take their photo. If I pull out a camera, I get the same reaction as if I had just pulled out an Ak-47. So we went down by the waves and naturally I take my camera out. This photo is the best shot I got of them with my zoom lens. I love black and white and added some grain and lightening effects in Photoshop.

Never felt more far away from my children and family as I do now. In the beginning, when I started my current job, I was so wrapped up with working and THOUGHT I was doing the right thing. The right thing was … well, working of corse. You need money to do everything. My kids needed my child support. I just so have happened to have ended up far away. If there is a happy medium between working too much and too hard and having time to spend with the people that you love…I will never find it. So your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Is Grant getting better?

Advice to the jobless: You have to start somewhere and that may be not exactly what you want but dig in anyway. I was weed whacking for ten bucks an hour in ninety degree heat and submitting digital resumes in air conditioned cafe’s at dusk.(But even though I wasn’t working these were good times…because I knew I was doing the best that I could in a bad situation)
I’ve had an uncanny sense of good feelings for things in the past. For example when I bought a winning 5 thousand dollar ticket to the lottery ten years ago….I knew it was a winner even before the numbers were drawn. When I was handed that ticket from the cashier a very starnge feeling came over me. When someone once called me for an interview, I just knew in the back of my mind that I would get that job. Don’t be scared. Go into interviews and act like you got the job. This has been my experience and I have lot’s of it. I have been on both sides of the desk. When I hire someone I want to hear yes to evey question. Can you do this? Can you do that? Yes. Yes. Yes. Not one little “I don’t know” or “but” YES is the answer. No hesitation. And seriously, how in the fucking world can you not come in at the time I scheduled you to come in? Your fucking unemployed, you have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

That Orange Glow in the sky
Now, in the deadly heat of the end of June. The tomatoes are planted and exploding through the cages. The flowers are towering and out of control. It is Summer. It is so so hot. Embrace it in, all your sweat and misery. Find yourself at the end of the endless day out in the” wilderness” of a north Jersey backyard surrounded by lightening bugs, the birds territorial yapping and dog barks. This is where I have found myself. (Gosh, I just love that expression-“I found myself..”It’s almost as if you had nothing to do with getting there.) So I found myself watering the flowers that are now taller then me and the thirsty tomato plants. This is an exciting end for a guy who spends 12 hours behind a desk in a windowless room. A room filled with air compressors going on and off all day. A room filled with loud Spanish music (is it a love song? who fucking knows) A room filled with Spanish speaking Amigos firing staple guns like machine fire over and over again into the pine stretcher bars and canvas. The humming of the ink jets. The insatiable production line and problem solving, the growing quality control issues. Broken English conversations and Photoshop is running slow again. I need to create a new preferences file on my Mac.
Now that orange glow in the back yard waits. I FOUND MYSELF there…alone….the sun sunk but leaving it’s orange hue everywhere. Finally maybe some peace, some quiet, some time to think. The cold water from the hose misting my face. I love lightening bugs…they are almost magical and tonight there seems to be thousands of them. This is one of those moments that you cherish in life. This is where you have found yourself.

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