“i was the monster”

SLEEP_LOG-OCT_2015
tHis was a fairly simple dream but with complex themes wE had just moved into a new living space and there were boxes everywhere oNe on top of the other i could hear kryhas voice but i couldn’t see her tHe people that helped us move were all in the backyard sitting on our back porch laughing and eating hotdogs and hamburgers i could see them thru a window from the kitchen iT jolted me to see that the man outside barbecuing and telling obscene jokes was ME! i actually felt my heart stop and a electric tingling went down my back tHe man barbecuing suddenly looked at me staring out the back window nOw my dream had became a nightmare and i wasn’t in a deep enough sleep to realize it oH hell, this is just a bad dream I thought, and proceeded to create a monster with my imagination eVery nightmare needs a monster iT was a small two headed thing in the garden and it was growling and tearing up kryhas flowers and my vegetable plants nOw i knew it was a dream because we just moved and we had no time to plant anything aT this point i thought it would be a good time to walk outside and confront all the people and monster in my dream i pointed to my myself, who was standing behind the Weber® grill and said ‘what the living hell do you think you’re doing?!’ eVeryone stood up and screamed because apparently i was the weird one here. i didnt belong here i was the monster tHe thing in the garden jumped out to protect the barbecue guy (me) from me tHis is where the dream went out of control because i didn’t arrange this scene like this wHy am i the outcast? tHe two-headed dog jumped up and grabbed my arm! it was growling and hanging from my forearm aS much as i shook it, it wouldn’t let go aNd my arm starting hurting and tingling eVeryone in the backyard circled me and the monster tHey were smiling and still eating their hotdogs tHe pain in my arm became unbearable and i suddenly woke up i was sleeping under my arm again and it had fallen asleep now the tingling in my numb arm was intense and i was a happy that i woke up bEcause when i thought i had the dream under control —- it wasn’t even close.

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One Response to ““i was the monster””

  1. ..Ann…the hick…and honesty….
    by Marielle Blueskye January 3, 2000

    …it seems so strange…to be able to come to the pc…any time…to cook
    supper…and eat at 8pm…no lunches to make…no children to
    entertain…the laundry is done…the groceries are bought…and many, many
    more jobs…will be done by the time they return…and best yet…I got to
    talk to you…at my leisure…and then I fell…softly to sleep…with
    dreams of you…woke to perfect darkness…but my headache was finally
    gone…I keep thinking about…what you said…about your boys…eating
    potato chips…and soda pop for breakfast…I will admit…I was shocked…I
    think you have said this before…but I thought it was every now and
    then…I hear the concern…and believe me…you should be…these are the
    peak years of their development…they may be growing…but there’s quality
    to growing…just like a fine crop of tomatoes…we all grow with the best
    of ingredients…my mother would say it’s child abuse…plain and simple…I
    see there’s so much more to it…you maybe don’t want my comments…and
    that’s always the danger…but I feel you so upset by this…but George…it
    is within your power…to take control…it always is…but it’s not
    easy…you’ve talked…it didn’t change anything…sounds like if you really
    want to change their diet…you need to become part of the scene…you say
    your cheque is direct deposited….stop that…take control of your money
    with her…say you’ll do the shopping…with her and the boys…I know
    another job to do…but she’s not going to…when they see it’s happening
    they’ll accept it…they have control over her…and she has control over
    you…I have always done the grocery shopping…and usually I do it once a
    week…with a planned out menu…and budget…so there’s no reason…you
    can’t do it on Saturday…when everyone is rested…and make it an
    activity…it is amazing how interesting the produce section can be…and
    introduce an exotic something every week…you can teach her to cook
    too…or I can teach you…and you can teach her…it doesn’t have to be
    complicated…and demand supper together…I mean it…(****)…this makes
    me furious…that you don’t get to enjoy dinner with your boys…you’re
    missing out…on a great tradition…a time when the day is
    discussed…etc…you know what I mean…I’m sorry…enough said…but
    George…you are a pretty determined guy…show it where it counts…you
    keep telling me how difficult it is for Jo-Ann….at home all day…sorry I
    don’t buy it baby…I’ve been home with one child…and two children…I’ve
    done the stay at home mother thing…and I’m not going to compare myself to
    her…but once they start heading to school…you have the time…to get the
    groceries bought…the house cleaned…supper cooked…or else you’re just
    sitting on your ass all day…not so kind Marielle…I know…and I don’t
    know what demons she’s dealing with…and how they hamper her psyche…but
    you need help…and I think it has to be in the form of you…these boys
    won’t get a second chance at growing up…that’s all from the know it all
    today…just that after my nap…I woke up…and I’m concerned for them and
    for you…she’s struggling too…maybe she always has been…I don’t
    know…but there’s not a mother I know personally…that would let her
    children do this…I love you….I wish I could help you…I wish I could be
    there to hug you…to hold you when you’ve had a bad day…I wish I could
    cook for you every day…then you’d probably find me boring…George did she
    ever cook for you…maybe if she had encouragement…if she makes
    something…and you’re really positive about it…ultimately it has to be
    positive…for it to work…you have such an expressive face…warm and
    expressive eyes…they radiate pride…and love…turn some of it her
    way…I can’t believe I’m saying this…but damn it…your family makes me
    cry…I’d give you up…for you all to be happy…a family again…cause you
    know…when you eat right…and shop right…you have more money…then you
    have fewer bills…and you have reduced stress…what a recipe…I do sound
    like Ann Landers or something don’t I…like I have the perfect family or
    something…not…but I have always said…and it holds true today like
    always…I will not be hostage to my children…they will not dictate…what
    and how much of anything we eat…what time they go to bed…etc…at least
    not until they’re taller than me…lol…I love you…I have to move on to
    something else…I think I’ve overstayed my welcome on this one…xoxo
    P.S. I’m really starting to think you have a thing for older
    women…..smiles passing….48ish….saying it was just a lust thing…that
    didn’t really help either…now all I can see is all these women…sashaying
    by your desk…day in …day out…especially the ones that smell
    nice…Georges you are so nice looking…that golden skin…and sandy
    hair…but when they find out…you have such a wonderful heart…write
    poetry…can kiss like there’s no tomorrow…and love like the world is
    ending…then I am lost…just a little brown mouse…a hick…in
    hicksville…old house…2 kids…a dog…nothing to offer…too
    serious…too bossy…too rebellious…too frugal…too far away…too, too,
    too….do you have these thoughts about women that you meet all the
    time…do all men feel like this…or are you just the only one honest
    enough to say it…must run and do a few more jobs…such a tight schedule
    tonight…lol…xoxoxo

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