“i was the monster”

tHis was a fairly simple dream but with complex themes wE had just moved into a new living space and there were boxes everywhere oNe on top of the other i could hear kryhas voice but i couldn’t see her tHe people that helped us move were all in the backyard sitting on our back porch laughing and eating hotdogs and hamburgers i could see them thru a window from the kitchen iT jolted me to see that the man outside barbecuing and telling obscene jokes was ME! i actually felt my heart stop and a electric tingling went down my back tHe man barbecuing suddenly looked at me staring out the back window nOw my dream had became a nightmare and i wasn’t in a deep enough sleep to realize it oH hell, this is just a bad dream I thought, and proceeded to create a monster with my imagination eVery nightmare needs a monster iT was a small two headed thing in the garden and it was growling and tearing up kryhas flowers and my vegetable plants nOw i knew it was a dream because we just moved and we had no time to plant anything aT this point i thought it would be a good time to walk outside and confront all the people and monster in my dream i pointed to my myself, who was standing behind the Weber® grill and said ‘what the living hell do you think you’re doing?!’ eVeryone stood up and screamed because apparently i was the weird one here. i didnt belong here i was the monster tHe thing in the garden jumped out to protect the barbecue guy (me) from me tHis is where the dream went out of control because i didn’t arrange this scene like this wHy am i the outcast? tHe two-headed dog jumped up and grabbed my arm! it was growling and hanging from my forearm aS much as i shook it, it wouldn’t let go aNd my arm starting hurting and tingling eVeryone in the backyard circled me and the monster tHey were smiling and still eating their hotdogs tHe pain in my arm became unbearable and i suddenly woke up i was sleeping under my arm again and it had fallen asleep now the tingling in my numb arm was intense and i was a happy that i woke up bEcause when i thought i had the dream under control —- it wasn’t even close.

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Mixed Greens

In this dream I am painting a huge steel bridge by myself. There is a date etched in one of the concrete supports that says; “1960” It is very hard work with scaffolds and ladders in all kinds of weather. Sometimes I feel as if the heavy winds are gonna knock me into the raging river underneath.
It takes thirty-seven months and almost sixteen days to complete the job. By the time I am finished, the paint is beginning to peel on the other side and I have to start all over again.

In my unending quest for (to) manhood, I have tried everything.: Carrying a hammer around with me at all times. Talking deeper. Walking heavier. Checking out woman’s butts whenever possible. Measuring my penis. Driving irregular and fast. Hanging up landlines loudly. Cursing. Watching controllrd violence on TV. The final signature to being a man is to be human. It may take a long time or you may have the capacity to get it almost right away: Just BE YOURSELF. Don’t ever give a crap what anybody else says. Take your time. Have fun. And ride a roller coaster whenever you can.


To write is to leave this world

The ocean is always moving, adjusting. rearranging. Never silent. The seahawks scream and the whales hold echoey conversations. The ocean goes on deeper then any scientist has ever imagined. Even in the deepest darkest corner, something lives.

My mind, like lazy honey, spills onto the pillows and sheets. I think of another day gone by, like I do every other night. In the last moments of near consciousness I rediscover last nights dreams. They come back in swift flashes of images, sound and smell. Then, when I fall asleep, they are forgotten forever.

I sleep in a front room that might actually have been a porch at one time. I sleep against the wall half buried in a blue comforter. I sleep now with a woman that is not from this country but from over the seas and the high castles of eastern Europe. Sometimes she is still lost for her homeland. In her dreams she runs across the hills chasing clouds and hangs her artwork on trees.

I am back at the ocean. In the Winter I come here to avoid the crowds. Pudding is best served cold.The sand is like snow between my toes as I watch the twinkling lights along the long coastline.

The place where we sleep: The wall in front of us is all windows. Every orange sunset and every yellow sunrise melts like ice cream. Even when our eyes are closed in sleep.

In this dream my father was a medieval giant living in the endless lush forest. My mother is a cow grazing in a green fields that is in front of the forest. The ten children are baby cubs playing around the cow. Every once in a while the ground and trees rumble and sway and we can see our father peeking at us from over the tops of the trees.

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GCH DREAM#489……………… Entry for July 3, 2007

I was sitting in a stainless steel waiting room filled with faceless people. Everyone was playing with their cell phones—the adult pacifiers of human tension. (im connected(ireally am) The only window was open with heavy flapping plastic curtains. Outside was endless dirt roads and orange trees. The sun was skipping behind white cotton clouds. Inter-continental planes flew dangerously low…almost like crop dusters. I was almost ready to climb out the window when…”Don’t go out there fool!”…a faceless bearded man said. I want to pick an orange. Stop the car Susan and pick an orange. “There are NO MORE oranges you dumb bastard. Haven’t you heard? All the bumble bees have gone away!” I climbed out there anyway and hung outside. My hands clinging to the window sill. My feet feeling for the ground. I closed my eyes tight and just let go. It seemed like I was falling forever when I realized that I was standing in a green field in front of my sons school. He was so tall he was able to look me straight in the eye(not many people can do that to me) I didn’t recognize his broad shoulders…..he looked so dapper in his suit. “Congratulations, son….you made it…..you are moving on.” I tried to put my arm around him but he wouldn’t let me…..maybe because of his friends. He turned and walked away….silently…..just walking away. And then I woke up.