Posts Tagged ‘George C. Hartman’

I’m all write.

Wednesday, February 7th, 2018

(Inspired greatly by David Sedaris new book “Theft By Finding Diaries 1977-2002” I decided to at least attempt to write a few words every day. I have read every one of Davids books and wish I could write like him.
Below is the result of my experiment. I edited out many days because my life is truly that boring. It was still fun and I’ve continued the experiment)

JANUARY 8 2017
The Giants lost to the Packers today 38-13 in a season ending playoff game. I’ve lost something with football. Not sure what it is. I remember when I was a kid and I would be obsessed. I’ve actually lost alot of passion for anything period.

January 21
Mike pulled up alongside the street in front of our house in the Spaceship and Kryha called out to me; “do you wanna go?” So yes, spur of the moment jumped in and next thing I know it’s me Kryha and Joanna marching down 5th avenue in the woman’s march in New York. Wall to wall people, signage and protest. Truly an amazing feeling to be in the middle of this thing. One day after inauguration day. Very powerful. They blocked off Trump towers and the march ended there. Joanna took us to this warm restaurant Le Relais De Venise L’ Entrecote. A French steakhouse. Only one thing on the menu, steak. There was also a salad and a secret mustard sauce. Mostly we shared photos on our phones of the hysterical anti-trump signage but it was great to be out of the cold.

January 22
I’m still thinking about yesterday, how awesome it was. When we got on the train in Seacacus there was standing room only. The crowd was already pumped up and we were practically hanging out the doors and windows to get to Grand Central Station. So we stood all the way to Mid town and from a distance you could see the march. I’ll never forget those thousand and thousands of people. I haven’t been this politically active since me and a few friends marched in front of the Carteret Post Office in the protesting the reinstatement of registration for the draft.

March 18 Ocean Grove/Asbury Park
In a rare day, I was able to get both Joshua and Jonathan together at the same time. They jumped into my car and at the last second I decided to just wing it and head down the Parkway south. We ended up at the Silverball a Pinball museum on the Asbury boardwalk. Renovated pinball machines from the turn of the century to the present. Pay one price for an hour and we all got seriously lost in the clatter of pinball. One of the coolest places and best days I have had in a long time.
Afterward we slowly drove thru the incredible architecture of a small quaint town called Ocean Grove looking for grub. We stumbled into a place called Nagles. Known for its ice cream and sandwiches we found a nice table and I felt lucky because it’s really just a small drugstore.
There is something magical about anything you do on the oceanfront.

April 10 Wood-Ridge
I was up all night with a stabbing pain in my right shoulder. I’m not sure what it is from but I assume I ripped a rotary cuff in my shoulder. The pain is incredible. I try the couch, the bed and finally fall asleep in the rocking chair in our room. The landlord, who we code name Frank, has mentioned selling the house we live in. We only moved in a year ago. This has caused confusion and stress. My boss isn’t responding to any emails. I don’t know where he is and the company account is very low with many bills. We code name him Frank because Kryha thinks he has bugged our rental and we don’t want him to think we are talking about him. Related: my boss is an asshole.

April (13) Rutherford NJ Bus Stop
She was so happy when I dropped her off at 5 AM. Still dark. Empty bus stand. First stop New York and then on to Boston. A half a days journey. It is the smile on her face I will never forget. One suitcase. Filled with things to give her children on her little Easter visit.

April 16 Pine Brook
The boss is out of internet reach on an island off the African coast. I can not get a hold of him and there are some serious issues going on here. When I come thru the front door every morning I pass empty cubicles of laid off workers. Even though they are not there anymore I say good morning to each and every one.

April (?) Pine Brook
I found a subpoena taped to the outside glass door at work today. This is from First Industrial for the missed rent payments. A court date in Morristown looms.

April 21 Work
In a static-ridden conversation on the phone with the boss from Africa, he told me to lay off everyone but me and Rubin. It broke my heart to tell them. They were hard workers and great people. This is it. I think. It’s almost over.
I negotiated a payment plan for the back rent so court has been cancelled pending timely payments.

April 24 Kitchen
Kryha is crazy excited because she saw the “crazy animal” running across the ledge of one of her upper flower garden. It only comes out once in a while but eats the flowers and vegetables.

April 28 North Jersey
I have prayed for guidance for a long time from the Spirit and today is the day I was slapped in the face, kicked in the ass, grabbed by the shoulders and shoved into another direction.
I now have a terrible secret that keeps me apart from normal people.

May 10 Wood-Ridge
I finally put the tomatoes in the ground. I can’t explain this either. Somewhere between last year and this year I lost some passion for this home. I think it happened when Frank suddenly spread a rumor at Lucky Larry’s about selling it. This angered me and then worried me and it compounded my other fear of losing my job. I mean it seems like we just moved here and now he wants to put it on the market? If he did “wire” the place like Kryha thinks, I hope he heard me scream Fuck You Frank when nobody else was home.

May 23 Wood-Ridge
I have been riding my bike almost every day. The hills in this town are brutal. Some of them must be 20 degrees or more. Sometimes I take the hills for the challenge.

May 20
In a bike ride around the neighborhood I am almost hit by a careless woman who looked like she was texting. Last Summer much to my horror, I dislocated my finger falling down our front concrete stairs. And a few weeks later I got stung by a jellyfish in Spring Lake right on my dick.

May 30 Hasbrook Heights
Themes of fear and depression but I am taking care of important things.
Kryha spends hours and hours working on the layered garden in the backyard.

June 3 Woodland Park
On my bike. I am constantly inspired by patterns and prints, trees, current surroundings, the wind whistling across my face and listening in on conversations at Starbucks.

June 4
The KIA begins to SCREAM now when I drive. It’s the compressor, I know it. It finally died. I also know that they start at around $800. to replace. Why would I do that for a car with 185,000 miles on it?
It’s going to be a long Summer without AC in the car.

June 5 Pine Brook
At work every morning I pray and thank God in a mindfulness meditation expression. It is so strange having no real interaction with people at work. Except for the phone calls from customers which at first I dreaded and then grew to love. Most people are very polite and kind, even if there was a problem with their order I eagerly fix it and issue a redo. Once a very long time ago, my father told me in his store, the customer is always right. That is certainly open for debate.

June 6 Pine Brook
I never know what to expect when I pick up the work mail for this place at the PO Box across the street. It’s usually bad news. Anna has been home from Boston and has been in a cooking mood. The tea room, our sanctuary in the backyard is now open late nights.

June 7 Wood-Ridge
Snowie is sick. Some kind of skin thing.

June 8 Wood-Ridge
Kryhas birthday. We all chipped in a bought her a new phone. I wrapped the phone in a small box and kept re-wrapping it into bigger and bigger boxes.
It was a nice surprise for her. The phone was, not all the boxes.

June 9
The companies pick up service with UPS has stopped. This has never happened. The company owes so much money, they stopped service. I am negotiating a pay back deal with emails just to get service on again. So customers orders are sitting in the warehouse while the owner gets a tan on an island somewhere off the coast of Africa. Meanwhile I have no idea where the rent money is going to come from.

June 14
We had the BBQ of all BBQ’s this night. Alot of Charles friends were here, my son Jonathan and the usual Polish crew. Things really got going when Charles friends broke out the acoustic and started playing and singing.

June 10
There’s talk going around the house of shaving Snowie.

June 12 Pine Brook
Every time I take my car for an oil change they find something else wrong with it. “Your tire rods are loose” he said and took me into the garage to look. My Kia was up in the air and he went over to the frot tire and shook it. It didn’t look THAT bad. My typical response, “I’ll fix it next time”

June (?) Wood-Ridge
I came home from work today and Snowie was sitting on the couch with all her long beautiful white fur shaved off.
I was stunned. Not by the radical haircut as much by the fact that she was just sitting there on the couch. She hasn’t been able to jump onto the couch in years. And nobody is home.

June 22 Barnes&Noble
Joshua’s birthday. He is somewhere in Germany deployed with the Air Force. I always remember the day when they were born. It seems like another lifetime now. I was working in a huge refrigerated warehouse, teamsters union, commuting from Brick to Edison every night. I was watering our brand new lawn (sand) of our brand new house when I heard her scream upstairs that her water broke. A couple hours later we had a brand new baby.
Wasn’t this supposed to be the “American Dream”?

June 24 Montclair
A nice hot great day to end up in an air conditioned movie theater. While the girls went to get seats in the theater, I lagged behind and thought I’d surprise them with popcorn and coke.
I was greeted with my snack surprise with, “Why did you get this?” “Next time ask!” Kryha has that magical way of destroying nice things sometimes. Besides that little drama (I’ll never buy her popcorn again) Dinner With Beatrice was a lovely movie. It was deeper than the ocean with a very strange ending that kind ended in the ocean. Bit of a disappoint based on the huge sigh the theater released when the closing credits suddenly appeared.

June 25 Camden
Not impressed with this outdoor arena at all. I don’t like being this close to Philly. The Delaware river looks like a swamp. Cumberland Blues was a rocket to Mars, boy they can really get crazy on the two jams in that song. Once again I drums into space was memorable for me. Just love chaos.

June 26
Snowie has been sick. She is very sad and has stopped barking. Very concerned and Anna is freaking out and blaming us for not taking care of her.

June 25 Rutherford
So Anna found this vet opened on Sunday and we took Snowie. For some reason everyone in the waiting room thought that when I called Krystyna to come over to me, it was our dogs name. So they all looked at Snowie and smiled and repeated me “Ohhhh Krystynia… how cute”
This was appropriate however, as Anna and I have already determined that Snowie and Kryha are starting to look alike.

July 1 Wood-Ridge
Sitting in the sun reading the North Jersey Record. This fucking so-called president is a real piece of work. Kryha and I watch CNN daily in total disbelief at what is happening in this country. Bullies don’t come from strength – they come from weakness.
Krystyna’s cumbernickel crop is huge. Tomatoes are looking good but not even close to last years bumper crop. Thats because I didnt care and plants can sense those things.

July 2 Wood-Ridge
Mike the puppet maker has been working on this nine foot tall puppet in their studio. It’s actually a walk around custom, more than a puppet. “Throg” is in the works hanging in front of their view of the New York skyline. Anna, Kryha and I wanted to take Mike out to dinner but he ended up taking us. He said he “owed us” He took the spaceship to Hoboken and we ate at Leos, his favorite Italian restaurant. I think Joanna was at Johnson and Johnson working out some details for a logo redesign. After dinner it was a beautiful dusk, the sun was at that perfect angle. He drove around Hoboken a little. We went past Frank Sinatra park in front of the Hudson river and towering New York skyline. Everyone was in the park. There was orange and yellow reflecting off all the glass and mirrors from the setting sun. The spaceships entire roof slides open and he rolled the windows down and drove thru historic Hoboken. When I was in my twenties it was a crazy scary place where I used to buy coccain. Now it’s a hipster town with beautiful rows of brownstones, restaurants, bars and scarce parking.

July 4 Wood-Ridge
Jonathan came over to hang out and at night we went over to Mike and Joannas. We had the Macy’s fireworks on TV and we could also see them from their balcony lighting up the sky and skyscrapers of the NYC skyline. Joanna made zapiekanka – a polish dish – toasted bread with mushrooms and cheese. I always call it Polish pizza much to the dismay of Kryha.

July 21
Today is Jonnys birthday. I can only text him and then call later. This is going to be his final year at Rutgers. His grades are amazing. I miss the birthdays we had when they were kids. Summer Birthdays means BBQ and food and many people. One time I actually rented a clown. He had a serious allergy from something in our back yard and had to keep taking off his red nose. He was a fucking mess with tears and snot and sneezing. His final act was pulling a rabbit out of a hat and the kids went nuts. Layla actually ended up getting a rabbit as a pet shortly after that. The clown costs fifty bucks which I thought was worth it but then he was asking for a tip and I felt like punching him in the face like John Candy did in that movie Uncle Buck.

August 2
The news said several “Rain bombs” are coming. When did all this extravagant naming for things like storms and moons begin? When I was a kid we just said Thunderstorm.

August 3
Anna was right outside the back door pestering Kryha and me to come look at this lightening in the sky. I’ve seen lightening before so I didn’t go. She kept calling us to come look at this. So we went out the back door, stood in the backyard and looked up. The lightening was silent and it crawled thru the clouds like a snake. Constant and ever changing. The clouds were rolling shades of black, gray and orange. It was, after all the most amazing lightening I have ever seen. This is something the weather people need to name.

August 6
This was like dream. I was just following Anna and Kryha in Ridgewood. Kryha drove there for “something to do” and they went thru town like they knew where they were going. I had no idea what we were doing, not even sure where we were. I really just felt disorientated. We walked thru this empty town until they ended up at this place “Cravings Tapas Bristo”.
“Do you have reservations? we were asked
Reservations??!! I thought. The place is empty.
But they seated us anyway and we chose a table outside.
“This is small plates George.” Anna said
Small plates?
So … appetizers for the main course.

August 8 Wood-Ridge
Krystyna picked up Snowie and carried her into the bathtub and is washing her with this special shampoo the vet gave her. As she washes her, she sings her a song with her name in Polish. Snowie is a good girl, she never fights a bath.

August 10
The white noise from this tall fan from Costco that Kryha put in our room is highly addicting. I have never slept or dreamed better.

August 12 Inman Rd. Edison
Josh is back from deployment in Germany and we are at the driving range clubbing golf balls into an empty field. Nobody will ever understand how good this is for you unless they try it. My other son Jonny is AWOL. He just disappears most times. He and five other students are renting a house for their final semester. All I see in my mind is Animal House Keg parties.
Earlier we had lunch with my sister-in-law Ann who was on her way home to Florida. Lunch at the Reo, a famous dinner in New Jersey and then a quick visit to Shop-Rite to pick up a couple pounds of Pork Roll to bring back.
Besides Germany, Josh was able to visit Amsterdam, Paris and Prague. He told me how he was able to drive 170 MPH on the Autobahn and I was like, PLEASE – I can’t believe I used to hold these kids min my arms now they are having keg parties and driving 170 mph!.

August 17
Today my friend Jim McSherry would have been 57 years old. He just died of congestive heart failure a week ago. I’m still trying to figure that out. His wife insisted that I call him a few weeks ago. I’m so glad I did. He never told me he was fucking dying! She never did either. I guess you just don’t call people and say “I’m dying” or maybe I was supposed to know that. I would have never hung up the phone if he told me that.
Also today, my brother Glenn passed away three years ago.
Our family used to joke that he had nine lives like a cat. Now it’s still hard to believe that three of us are gone already.

August 19 StarBucks
I checked my “FindFriends” app on my phone and Kryha is 4,329 miles away from me in Leszczyna Poland.

August 20 Wood-Ridge
I am eating tomatoes one after another like grapes.
I have decided to separate myself from my job. In the way I have always said “we” meaning Tim , me and the company, I will now only say canvas4life or YOUR company. I realize how much worrying and loss of sleep I am going thru and it is making me sick. Evey email I get from him is “from my iphone” so apparently he is always at that island. How could he not let me know? Am I not his manager? What the fuck is he hiding? We’re running out of money again. From now on I just work here. I leave it here when I go home.

August 21 Parsippany
There was a huge build up to this day. A solar eclipse was supposed to cover most of the country. I was in the parking lot getting out of my car around 230 and that’s when they said it would “hit”. The shadows did seem weird.
All I saw was an old lady holding a newspaper over her head and running into the store.

August 22 Rt. 46
At what point do you stop putting money into a car with over 185 thousand miles on it?
Also I captured the “crazy animal” in a trap.
I am bringing it to work with me tomorrow to release it outside the grounds.

August 25 Wood-Ridge
Kryha comes home from Poland today. Apparently there’s a lot of drama happening there.
Anna and I went to Mob Burger at the top of Moonachie ave. Gourmet burgers are such a big deal in the USA now. So 34 dollars for two hamburgers, two fries and one shake is a big deal. I am 57 years old today.

September 1 Pine Brook
I miss going on vacation. The healthiest thing you can do is just get the hell away from everything. Home and work. It’s a huge beautiful world out there. I know this by printing our customers vacation photos.

September 7
There are currently three hurricanes brewing in the Gulf of Mexico at the same time. Irma, Hose and Katia.

September (??)
My brother Gary in Florida has taken my his family and our brother Greg in a car and evacuated to Alabama. Irma looks insanely dangerous.

September 9 Hackensack
I went to the oral surgeon in the morning and went about the rest of my day with blood all over my shirt. A lot of people looking at me in horror and avoiding me.

September 10
Went to Harry’s to watch opening kickoff for the start of the season. Harry always makes this incredible meal, Joe brings dessert and I bring wings. The Giants continued their very sucky ways of the preseason and lost. Something tells me it’s going to be a long season. But this time I don’t care.

September 11 Emerson
September 11 is my generations Pearl Harbor and that always dwells in my mind. More so since me, Gary, Ann and Josh went to the 9/11 memorial and museum last year.
Once again Kryha has poor Snowie in the bathtub and she is singing in Polish to ease her mind.

September 13 Wood-Ridge
Mosquitoes have totally ruined our backyard retreat this year.

September 14
Communication distortions. I sat down on the kitchen table face to face with Kryha and we ironed it out. Honesty isn’t complicated.
The next morning my alarm went off like it always does at 5AM and Kryha woke up to tell me she had a dream that she was pregnant and had a baby girl.

September 22
Friday night. No work tomorrow. By candlelight in the tea room the sky turns vanilla and orange as the sun sets and we sip tea.

September 24
Two days after Kryha had her dream that she had our baby I had a dream about the baby.
She was two years old and was looking out the kitchen window on 6th street.
“Look” she says pointing down
There is a row of huge tarantulas walking like ducks in a row in our rock filled backyard. Every day the family of spiders appear and they are a little bit bigger each time.
Soon they are as big as small dogs.

September 29
On the edge of October I bite into an apple that Merek picked in The Chester. There was a worm peeking out of a small hole after I bit it. I ran to the bathroom and spit it all out.
The next few days I asked everybody I know if this has ever happened to them. Every single one says no.
So apparently I won the lottery of apples in life.

October 8 East Rutherford
Buck drove up from Brick to attend the Giants real home opener. I didn’t count the Monday night game because Monday night games suck. Buck successfully changed his name from Tim many years ago because he didn’t like people calling him Timmy. Buck is much more rugged and masculine I guess. He was very fortunate to have pulled that off. Not many people can successfully initiate changing their name.
I shared with Buck my increasing lack of desire to follow football and he told me, “Well, of coarse you are damn it. You’ve been going for fifty fucking years!”
He also told me he would buy a few games from me to relieve the financial pressure I complained about also.
In between halftime and the middle of the third quarter the Giants just became unglued. They looked horrible. They were out-classed and out-coached and they were well on their way to losing big. At that point, Buck turned to me in his seat and said, “Remember what I said about buying some games from you? ….. Forget I said that, ok?”
After the loss we drudged back to the car to tailgate some more. I was using Anna’s 19 year old Tracer and the back bumper was filled with Bernie Sanders for President 2016 bumper stickers.
As I approached the car I was shocked to see it was covered with garbage. All kinds of garbage. Empty bottles, half filled trays of food and anything else you might find laying around a stadium parking lot filled with drunken tailgaters. I didn’t get angry I just kind laughed but we were specifically targeted and I don’t know why. We weren’t LA Charger fans. Buck who is a fierce Republican noted that this happened because of the Bernie Sanders for president bumper stickers and as I scooped Chili off the windshield I agreed he was probably right.

October 15 Boston
We stayed in a run down bed and breakfast that seemed more like a homeless shelter. We ate at Vietnamese food where I demanded a glass of Boston tap water. We then delivered fresh pirogi from NJ that we took with us to Anna who was having a massive sleep over with her friends.
The next morning a car alarm went off for like half an hour and that was how the day began. We were there to take Charles back to New Jersey after four years. His life cut down to several boxes of books and clothes.

October 22 East Rutherford
Today would have been my 29th wedding anniversary and I look back with zero regrets. I’m in the parking lot of MetLife stadium with my youngest son Jonny. We are in the midst of one of the worse seasons ever. Nothing can go right. I think I’ve spent half my life in this damn parking lot between Giant games and concerts. It is the peak of Autumn. They lost 24-7. WE are tailgating and throwing around the football. The asphalt is a sea of garbage and the seagulls are swooping up and down in the sky screaming with joy. We are sitting in chairs around the embers of the hot grill. Jonny used to be up to my waist in height. Now he is taller than me and he takes out a cigar and starts to smoke it.

October (??) Wood-Ridge
I don’t understand why Kryha has to pick up every single leaf when we do the leafs. We are just going to be back here next week with another foot of leaves at our feet. She does this too when it snows. Evey single flake is off the sidewalk and driveway. I’m good with just making a path. It’s survival not a game!

Oct 27 Garfield
At the restaurant called Warsaw with Kryha and Charles across from the Passaic river. Hungarian potato pancakes, chicken liver, goulash, pirogi and some awkwardness. We are both trying to overcome that little spat of yesteryear.
Afterwards in the parking lot, the moon was perfectly sliced in half and the river reeked of it’s industrial river history.
Charles is home to go to the dentist. Kryha built a tent in the dinning room.

October 31 Wood-Ridge
Kryha put an overflowing basket of candy on the porch for a take-one-only Halloween treat for the kiddies. Twenty minuets later she went out there and the candy AND the basket were GONE!

November 4
Josh came by to and we hung out in the backyard cooking steaks, talking football and unfortunately politics.

November 7 New York City
We are all together again for another concert at Madison Square Garden. Beef, an old friend texted me at intermission and came to my seats for a visit. I have a long history of concerts with him. Carol, my brothers Glenn’s ex wife also found us and said hello.
They played one of my favorite songs; China Cat Sunflower and it just sucked. Weir changed it too much. I was way more interested in Cumberland Blues and the Sampson and Delilah encore. Sometimes change isn’t good at all.

November 11 Barnes&Nobel
After another mass shooting in a church where the shooter was executing children in front of a camera.
I now blame the GOP and this piece of shit president for everything. The hurricanes, escalated racism and sexism, white supremacy, innocent people and CHILDREN BEING SHOT and a nation TOTALLY DIVIDED!

November 15 New York City
A very old friend I have heard from in ages contacted me about a job in NY. I learned so much about graphic, prepress and color with this guy. Back when I last saw him He didn’t take his contacts out for over a month and slept in them and eventually lost an eye because of that. He used to say to me:
“Look at me! One fucking eye! And I’m still the best color guy in New York City”
So at the interview I am walking around this shop and making little comments and the guy takes me out in the hall and says “You’re hired”
He told me the salary and I said I have to think about it.

December 2
Sales are crap and I tired everything. You need money to make money.

Apparently.

December 17
The best way to describe it is like being the last person on a sinking ship. I’m hanging on for dear life but don’t know for hoe much longer. Yet, I feel like I’m still doing the right thing. I continue to market to big company’s hoping to score a big account. I don’t just go down, I go down swinging.

December 18 Pine Brook
All the life boats are gone. I’m picking up registered sign for bills at the post office. My father would NEVER run a business like this, I thought. By pure laziness I grew the bottom of my goatee a couple of inches long. Kryha will pull it and make a goat sound. I had to be out of my mind to lend this company money.
Anna is home for break from BU and so Charles is living in a tent in the dinning room. I know she loves having both kids home again. I have no idea where my kids could be right now.

Dec 25 Christmas
Josh and Jonny drove here and I was so glad to see them together I hugged them each. I am so worried about where I am going to be working next year at this time. Also the pain in my back and shoulder has returned with a killing vengeance. It literally feels like a rusty meat hook is clawed into my back.
Joanna and Kryha did an amazing job cooking. Fresh fish and pirogi.
The sharing of the oplatek is my favorite tradition. Last year everyone wished me a year full of “more orders” this year it wasn’t even mentioned. Maybe people are thinking that jinxed me.

December 31 Route 3 East
It is bitterly cold out. I am going past MetLife and the last game between the Giants and Redskins is going on at the moment. There should be traffic stuffed on every square inch of this road and it’s empty. Somewhere in there are my two empty seats and the tickets are in my glove box, nice and warm and unused.
I asked Harry on Christmas if he wanted the tickets. He said no. I told him free, He said no. I told him, I would pay him to go. He still said no and laughed. I always liked Harry laugh.
Many many years ago, I would never miss a game. Even one as meaningless and cold as this.

January 3
“Historical Bomb Cyclone” is what they are calling this Winter storm. When I got up at 5am it wasn’t even snowing yet so I drove in. Around 11 am it was so bad I chased everybody home and just barely made it home myself.
The KIA got stuck going up Moonachie ave, I had to abandon it and walk the rest of the way home. It was a damn blizzard and it took me over an hour to walk a few blocks. In my life I had never experience such whipping ice cold wind and snow. This storm was properly named. My eye brows and goat beard were frozen when I finally walked thru the door and they took a photo of me.
Later that night, after the “Historical Bomb Cyclone” I had a very difficult time finding my car buried on some side street.
Like an idiot I walked back to my car without a shovel. Some random stranger came over from his house with two shovels and we dug the KIA out. I was so grateful. He told me his name was George. I told him my name was George also. He said “it’s a rough world out there George, us Georges gotta stick together.”

January 5
I tried turning out of the parking lot at my job and the front tire disconnected from the KIA. The tire rods I was warned about went! A half hour later I watched it being towed down the street to my mechanic and I walked back to work.

January 6
I usually keep the front door locked as the office is now empty and I spend most of my time in the shop. I must have forgot to lock it as my only employee left told me he saw someone walking around in there from the back. So I went to greet him, guy in a suit holding a brief case- a typical salesman that come stumbling thru the front door all the time- I was opening my mouth to kick him out when he pulled out a badge and held it to my face. “IRS, Sir, do you have a few minuets?”

January 8 Pine Brook
I realize for the first time ever, the boss did not call me for the Holidays. The emails, warning letters and unpaid bills are piling up. One guy is particularly nasty and calls me every week. I think my calmess is what angers him. This is NOT my company. The ship is taking on huge waves of water, I’ve been abandoned totally and the Captain isn’t going down with the ship, he’s on an island somewhere off the coast of Africa. I’m going down with the ship.

January 24 Ramsey
My mantra is perfect. I feel like it is part of me. Knowing that I’m going to lose my job soon, probably the last thing I should have done is buy a new phone and spend $750 on a Transcendental Meditation class with Kryha. I never was good a smart decisions.

January 25 New York
I had another job interview in the city. It was brutal. She said she would call me in two weeks. What the fuck does that really mean. I did a computer test on a ten year old iMac with a PC keyboard. I didn’t even think you could put pc parts on a Mac. If this is the way this company is run I hope she doesn’t call me in two weeks.

January 31 Wood-Ridge
Everyone is excited about a Super Blue Blood Moon. When I was a kid it was called a full moon.

Feb 1 Pine Brook
It’s official. The company just had it’s worse sale ever in it’s nine year history. Happy Valentines day indeed.

the inevitable

Friday, April 8th, 2016

If there is an empty space in my life I usually try to take a vitamin D or sit out in the sun for an hour and I usually feel better. I’ve practiced, sometimes successfully Transcontinental Meditation but found that I need the perfect space, time and silence for it to work. If that doesn’t help, then I need to do something creative. Ever since I was a little kid I loved and was fascinated with animation. I used to create them in books by drawing one thing at a time on the bottom of a page. Old school stop action animation. My first one was in one of my fathers old Hardy Boy books of a stick figure running and catching a football.

About ten years back before smart phones, I found out that the camera I was carrying around with me all the time had video. That was the beginning of the end for me. My kids were young and I tried to get stuff of them before they grew up. So I had all these little movies and decided to just mish-mash them together just to get them up on YouTube (for all eternity I was hoping) So there I was with my free time on top of a skyscraper in New York City, my job in pre-press, using my free time to put these little things together. They were ridiculous. But what I remembered most about putting them together was just how much fun I had doing it. I mean, I loved graphics but now add some movement and then music and sound effects, I was in heaven. No plot. No rhyme. No reason. Ridiculous.

"Eraser Head" left and "Where Do The Clouds Go" right.

“Eraser Head” left and “Where Do The Clouds Go” right.


The weird kid that I was, when Greg and I were in Westfield and we went to the Music Staff on Elm street to buy music, Greg would load up on Bob Dylan and classic rock and I was buying albums of sound effects. Sometimes I would make the sound effects myself if I couldn’t find them in the Music Staff. Once again, in today’s world, Internet to the rescue. Now I have an endless library of sound and music.

The two photo albums I received from our aunt Carol were in terrible shape. Something about the Florida humidity and weather just kills old photos. I had promised her long ago that I would do my best to save them. She thought it would take me a week but it is an endless job, the results of which have ended up somewhat archived here on Family web site at Photos That Make You Think.
Nobody makes real photo albums anymore.* That might be one of the saddest things to ever happen to this digital society we now live in.
A lot of the old photos on PTMYT needed quite a bit of restoration in Photoshop before I posted them. You’re welcome.
One of my favorite pieces was a great old photo I found of mom in front of 710 Austin street in Westfield. She can’t be more than 19 years old.
I enjoyed this image of my mother so much that she ended up in a movie. Snowball.
retouchedJOAN
I incorporated Adobe Flash, Photoshop and constructed an entire apartment building in Adobe Illustrator with this movie. Getting the “camera” to pan in and out was a great revelation for me. The thing about this “art” as there is with any art is that there were many accidental explosions of brilliance! I was influenced greatly by the graphic novel Watchmen. The movie was brilliant. The recurring symbols and imagery, the smiley face, the doomsday clock were simply genius. The movie, even more so. In this two minute and twenty-five second YouTube video, “Where Do The Clouds Go?” I tried to make it all “cartoon” and that’s why it’s only 2:25. It was a lot of work but still a lot of fun.

The Radiator Woman and my mother in "Snowball"

The Radiator Woman and my mother in “Snowball”


This was a fairy tale land. So much better than Carteret. So much more elegant! This town was full of little nooks of culture and art. You could feel the energy in the air. Instead of traffic lights there were real policemen directing traffic and crossing people at the streets. The endless rows of shops and food. The old A&P. The clean back alley shortcuts. Grandma and grandpa Hartman lived on a third floor apartment right around the corner from Dads store. We went there often for lunch. These were the days, right? When everything seems so pure and innocent and carefree. Everybody is nice to you. Everywhere you go is magic. Everything has character and depth and the places even smell good. It is all burned into my memory. And then what happens? All the adults eventually die and things change. These were the good times and I thought they would last forever.
musicstaffWestfield was my second childhood. We knew the back alleys and mom and pop stores like the back of our hands. It still remains a charming town but has lost it’s innocence as everything does when you grow up. The smell of Woolworth’s during a busy noon time lunch. Tommies. Little Joes luncheonette. Even the smell of our own fabric store, Westfield Sewing Center. Greg sitting in the back room eating his hot dog lunch and reading the back covers of his newly purchased albums. Where is he now???

*another post for another time.

Fear and Mayonnaise

Thursday, November 12th, 2015

portrait of the poet at 55. (written Aug 25 2015) why else wouldn’t our country be depressed? the world doesn’t seem to be getting better. there is always a new terrorist group waiting in the wings. the shootings are getting closer together and louder. we all look around suspiciously even while waiting for our Starbucks®. Visions of Sandy Hook crime scene still haunt me. my imagination is a gore manufacturing machine influenced by the media and Hollywood CGI.

the tomato garden was exhausted so i reluctantly retired it early. our old neighborhood. they watched us carry our life in brown grocery boxes into waiting cars. the birds still chirp, the dogs barks echo and the ice cream truck still screams from down the street. no, sorry it wasn’t white flight. we loved you neighborhood, you are forever in our hearts.

I’m not selling any of my shoes at the garage sale like the women did. because I need all mine. I still have plenty of walking to do. In a micro-second at work, the server crashed and the back-up followed. So the horrible equivalent of my job’s building burning to the ground happened one hot Summer morning. the smart girl moved 288 miles north and my son waded into a diverse dormitory somewhere in middlesex county new jersey. my other boy stepped off a plane from United Arab Emirates with a red face blasted by sand and sun.

I was just getting into cooking when a grease fire wiped out my ambition and abilities. for me, cooking is all about timing. start the potatoes first and everything after that will be dandy. when the art students finally leave, the teacher takes off her pants to get comfortable. she slices the last of the tomatoes and cucumbers and makes a sandwich with her made-in-Passaic-ghetto-bread. she calls it “starter” bread because the dough is passed on from generations when it “started” . this is also called “poolish” (and old English word for Polish) or “mother bread”. Let it be known that there are some Mother Bread hundreds of years old. meanwhile in New Brunswick I heard my son say, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” but if you are only now choosing classes in for your first semester in college you better find that out quick. actually I’m still searching for that what I wanna be when I grow up and I’m bald with a prostate that is giving me fits.

if i didn’t announce my birthday it would have rolled into oblivion because everybody was too busy packing. packing to move to Boston. packing to move to New Brunswick, packing to move to a new place. packing. packing. packing. we have to go. we have to move. we have to pack. there’s nothing more sobering then being told you have to move. you have to move because the landlords son has a severe gambling problem and he needs the money to play poker. if i didn’t insist on a birthday present I would have got another heartless shirt or hat.

so here I am at 55 finally learning some important lessons. number one: speak up for yourself! hey it’s my birthday and I don’t want another dumb hat or shirt. thank you very freaking much. sheeeesh, people just don’t know nor care. ahhh, George is ok. leave the old man alone, throw him a Giants shirt. so I said something. buy the old man a blue iPod nano you unimaginative fools so he could listen to his weirdo music.

and I wish someone would have taught me lesson one from the very beginning. instead i was walking around my awkward adolescence like a dumb ass Billy Pilgrim just taking shit and more shit and then even more shit. people figured me out right after the initial introduction, oh this dude is a door mat. walk all over that. waking up on a bunk bed and facing each day with incredible amounts of FEAR. afraid to smile. afraid to talk.

I was a bundle of fear because my father was standing tall on my hero pedestal when he decided to take a quick detour into the silent abyss and my mother decided to punish me for the rest of my life for not accepting her sexual advances when I was 12. some people could shake off not having parents and actually use it to catapult higher in life. But I jumped on the springy diving board and it snapped like a fresh pea pod in half.

also this past summer of 2015 we attempted a vacation somewhere by the ocean. but nobody was really there. everybody’s mind was somewhere else. did you actually taste the ocean? did a wave slap you in the face? did we ever make it to the top of the lighthouse? the much anticipated dolphin watch turned out to be mechanical dolphins spinning around on the oceans surface.
although we had a high room with a good view everyone was looking at the future and worrying. our landlord put the phone on hold for three days to and when we finally answered it we got kicked out on the street. a mysterious detective from our home town called while we were “on vacation” and was asking questions about a missing person. one day on the beach the wind was so strong our chairs and umbrellas were just about ready to launch into outer space until we gave up and went inside.

my ode to Alcoholics Anonymous begins every morning with waking up crisp and clear like a young child’s first pair of glasses…

like a patch of blue sky on a black stormy day

like a pond, still but deep

like a happy dog with two tails

like wet cloths left on a cloths line for three days

like a brain freeze on a hot summer day in front of Krauzers 1974 holding a Frozen Coke®

like Jim McSherry sarcasm during a serious conversation

like feeling the back of your head after a crew cut

like eating my mothers potato salad on a wooden bench in our backyard on Whitman street

like taking an ice cold shower on the hottest day of the year when you have no pool

like taking LSD for the first time

like putting mayonnaise on your french fries

...somewhere by the ocean. but nobody was really there...

…somewhere by the ocean. but nobody was really there…

Of graphics and junkyards

Wednesday, May 13th, 2015

websiteTOP
In many ways on the internet the blog has seemed separate from the Family Web site but maybe this will (reluctantly) connect the two. So this is the The Family Web Site. I say reluctantly because in many ways I don’t want them to connect. I don’t want to feel obligated to always have to write about this family. Not that there’s lack of material but besides the sad deaths, happy weddings and births, life is pretty much a trivial journey through monotonous (not mountainous) highways. Boring with a capital B. I’m not calling everyone boring, I’m just saying everyday life is just that. Everyday. There is social media to blow your steam or toot your horn and we’re all pretty good at using it. I can’t even list how many of my writings, poetry, photography and digital artwork I would rather “publish” here but am frightened to do so. You see, I am a rather strange dude with weird taste. I have always had a huge appreciation of art, animation and creative writing. As a result of that keen appreciation I have tried (rather unsuccessfully) to actually BE a respected “artist” When I am surrounded by really intelligent writers, artists, teachers, graphic designers, voice over artists, and even ridiculously skilled puppet builders, I can’t even come close. It goes back to what I am. A really strange dude with weird taste and amateur skills. In art there are those that create it….and those that just appreciate it. I have surrendered to the latter.

I am a rather strange dude with weird taste.

I am a rather strange dude with weird taste.

But the news here is that the web site is back. Not that anyone noticed but it was down for quite awhile. I had come across many obstacles in the last year or so. Most devastating was a hard drive crash of my Mac book pro laptop. This was essentially the heart and guts of the web site and it held all the data and functions for Mightyten. Although, I was sensing something wrong with the computer and instinctively did an emergency back up on an external drive one week before the crash…I still lost key passwords and expensive software that I used. At the same time the ISP provider for themightyten dot com (Yahoo) decided to upgrade editing and uploading capabilities that left me out in the cold. Yahoo is a company that just ASSUMES everyone has the money to just go out and buy or update expensive software. They have also increased the annual fee that I pay to keep this name up and running on their server.
Forty-four years ago (a tiny history) the “Family Ties” was called “The Hartman News” and it was printed by hand on school loose leaf paper. There wasn’t a server, Adobe Dreamweaver, Photoshop, hard drives, corrupt fonts, blogs, and the closest thing to a hard drive crash for me was crumbling up a piece of paper and starting over. After that my sisters and brothers took over and released some absolutely beautiful paper editions of the now called “Family Ties” Some of these will be digitized and available for download I hope soon. Then nine years ago while working the night shift at a large format graphics company on 3oth street in New York City I became fascinated with the internet, web design, Adobe Flash and slowly self taught myself to put up a new “family news” site.
It was a lot of experiments, failures and fun and the main thing was that I was learning. The website I created was a bulky amateur mess that became outdated rather fast. I didnt have the time or resources to keep it updated.
Actually my main goal at that time was to discover any bit of information on our family heritage. I become totally intrigued by our great grandfather and his 12 children that lived on this earth around the same time the Titanic sunk 400 miles south of Newfoundland, Canada. I was also fascinated by the stories aunt Carol, uncle Brother and our mother had told us about the Gill and Westfield NJ. While I was creating this huge list of questions in my mind for them, but then they slowly and softly passed away and left all my questions unanswered.
blogForm_masterpiece I have had many inspirations, influences and teachers in my time. I’ve had some lucky breaks. I remember the first time I saw somebody doing Photoshop on a PC in the late 90’s. It was version 4.0 and I was floored by the use of layers which had been released a few years earlier. Even I knew at that time how absolutely ground breaking that was in digital art. I also knew right then and there that that was something I wanted to do. I wanted to learn. I asked a few people at my job at Lucent Technologies in Holmdel NJ to “please just sit down with me a few minuets and show me some things” and nobody ever helped me. I will never forget one guy looking at me right after I asked him for help and saying.. “why don’t you go to school like I did and learn it”.
So I went to Barnes and Noble all the time read and purchased books. I practiced at work. I practiced at home. Then I got into Adobe Illustrator and was completely baffled by that. I self-taught myself all that I could with books and YouTube didn’t come out until April 2005 and it was even a few years after that when it became the mother of all tutorials on the web.
And yeah I did, at age 40 went back to college and the small Brookdale Community college I went to had just built a brand new computer lab with 30 brand new Macs. I was in heaven and I was blessed with good teachers who insisted on me learning how to cut a perfect path. At the same time I buried myself in art magazines and tried to duplicate other peoples work as practice.
After the dot come bust from 2000 to 2002 and the collapse of Roman Empire Lucent Technologies (Many argue that the dotcom boom and bust was a case of too much too fast.) I ended up on the streets searching for anything to provide for my young family. I ended up in a auto graveyard in Carteret NJ. Far far away from anything creative, or digital or what I had inside of me pushing out.
I was driving a huge fork truck in an car auction crash “graveyard” Moving around automobiles that were in accidents. Some of the accidents were not so bad. Most of the accidents were totals with fatalities. There were detonated blood covered air bags. Shredded windshields and doors. Jaws of life claw marks on the hoods and roof. There is money in car parts. Sometimes a totaled car is worth more in parts then the car itself. We cleaned these cars out and lined them up for an auction every week. Big shots from all over the tri-state area would come with their tow trucks and car carriers and buy these wrecks for parts. It was a highly depressing job. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get along with anybody there.
I was never a “car guy” and they found that out quickly. I reported the unsafe working conditions to Occupational Safety and Health Administration and wasn’t afraid to put my name on the report (even though it could have went anonymous) because I wanted to get fired. They demoted me to the grungy job of cleaning out wrecks and took me off my fork truck. In many of these wrecks that I cleaned in the hot sun it was the last stop for many people. There were even stories of the accidents from the tow truck drivers that dropped these cars off. “Oh this was an old couple that got hit head on by a tractor trailer. They never had a chance.” or “This was a car load of teens with no seatbelts that rolled over three times.” I was too sensitive for this shit as I collected their loose change in the ashtrays and tried on some cool coats that would find in the back seats.
I was ready to surrender myself to a life of physical labor, warehouses, factories, bleach lines, blue collar punching in and out until one day, a newspaper ad. This was still web infancy days. There was no Monster.com or Craigslist although emails were the thing at that time. There were still newspapers publishing wanted ads.
Every night the Summer that I worked here I would lock the huge barbed wire fences and watch the sky turn gold and purple then black. I had that newspaper ad and the next day I called it a man named John answered the phone. He was in a complete panic. “George…I need someone to come in here….get behind that Mac and get all this prepress work out the door. I need a quick mind. I need someone that knows graphics…knows prepress….understands printing..I need help.”
So a few days later I was hired. At this point in my digital career, I wasn’t very good. I was slow. I had a lot to learn. I was basically a poster and powerpoint designer with pussy footed deadlines.
This job threw me out of the pot and into the fire. I learned the incredible details and hectic world of large format prepress for huge companies like Barnes and Noble, Cigna Insurance, Morgan Stanly, The Holocaust Museum. I learned fast and I learned hard. John insisted on using software “shortcuts” and being quick and precise. He was a great tough teacher. At first I really didn’t know what I was doing. I had major panic attacks when they gave me job envelopes. I almost quit several times. It was very rough times for me and a few years before I was comfortable with ANY challenge.
I often wondered why I was hired. I know they had a quite a few people lined up for the job. Turns out, because of my “lack of” experience the CEO got me cheap and he liked the fact that I was…
German.

Nice guys finish first

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

You can never be too rich or too thin, or so the saying goes, but can you be too nice? Absolutely!! It is possible to be nice to a fault and when you are it is usually you who gets hurt. Being too nice means not asserting yourself, not standing up for your wants and not expressing your needs. This just isn’t healthy. Nice is good, too nice is bad. Are you so nice it’s cruel… to yourself?
I don’t attack people, why do they attack me? If I like taking photos of strange things in my journey through life, why is that a problem to the people that are close to me. My two teen boys specifically.

I never claimed to be a graphic designer a professional photographer or even an artist. A prepress printer? Yes. And a very fucking good one too. It just so happens that in prepress (if you are a “fucking good one” you need to have a flair for design, a sense of what is the current trend and an all out appreciation for ALL arts) In New York I did a lot of design. It was good. Some wasn’t so good. It was actually so good that two years after I got laid off, clients still ask for me.
Of coarse there is certain amount of ego stroking involved, but what’s wrong with that? Isn’t it part of life to ENJOY WHAT YOU DO and have someone say once in a while, “Hey, that is really nice. Good job.”

The same day I was bashed by my children for my love of photography and art, I was accused of being a slave. A slave to my job and my ex wife. Not just once but several times over the course of the evening. Each time I never defended myself or earlier when I was accused as a “wanna-be” photographer, I kept my mouth shut. But inside I was deeply hurt. Maybe that is why I have fallen into my blog for the first time in months.
I am not a slave to anybody. Not the man in the UK. Not my job. Not my ex wife. Not anybody. “Have you ever tried to figure out how much you make an hour?” I was recently asked. Well, I have thought about that but right now, I AM DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO. I truly believe there are better days ahead so IT IS ALL WORTH IT. God DAMN IT- it was only a little over a year ago I woke up in my fucking car because that was my FUCKING BED. I was homeless and jobless and my kids didn’t know who I was. The bills were stacking up and I owed THOUSANDS in child support. People hated me then, and people hate me now; I have a job, I spend QUALITY time with my kids, my bills are getting paid, so here’s somebody to hate.

Ten years after the divorce I am still a mother fucking scum bag son of a bitch and it was 100% all my fault. The kids were raised on that the past ten years. I have been swimming upstream the past ten years and keeping my mouth shut. In the back of my mind I struggled to BE MYSELF. A nice person. Help others. SHOW BY EXAMPLE. I wasn’t even close to being a perfect example to my kids, in fact, even in sobriety I failed greatly BUT that is part of being human. I am human. We are human. There is no such thing as PERFECTIONISM in humanness. My only hope was that the fucking no good bastard that everyone had agreed I was could only ever so slowly be erased by my actions and prayers.

The funny thing is, now that I think about it, as I was being ridiculed for being who I am by my teenage kids yesterday, what was I doing?? Buying them their favorite lunch, listening to them, and helping the eldest, Joshua, by driving him 0n a 80 mile round trip journey to help him get a car.

Nice guys don’t finish last (as the saying goes) not if they turn the other way when someone calls them a “loser” a “deadbeat” a “wannabe” or a “slave”. If I am a happy hardworking man in my mind, and the simple little things in life make me happy, then that is all I need to know to sooth the fears that I carry when I worry about what other people think of me.

the self refuses to appear

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

then there were three....


Beverly was forever depressed. Even in her toddler photos you can see something is bothering her. I wonder if she was born with some sort of brain chemical disorder. Her obsession with death. Her rebellious lifestyle. Her fears. Her deep dark secretes. Her never-ending escapes from reality. Three marriages. No children. Several abortions. Relentless addictions. Diabetes. Anorexia. Her close relationship with the enabling side of her mother. The ultimate doom. This poor sister of ours. Such a short life (44) . Such a short time with us. Sadly her death overshadowed by the death of Brenda.
Who were you closer to, Brenda or Beverly or is that an even fair question? Brooke once asked me why I didn’t have a tribute to Brenda on this website. It would be so easy for me to say “I never have time.” After all we did have a special Family Ties edition for Beverly and Mom.
When you wake up everyday, to sunshine or rain
clouds or storm
do you ever stop to think it will be the last day you wake up on this planet?
Like the Bible says, it will come like a thief in the night
We are all killing ourselves slowly. This addictive death over and over and
over and over. The definition of insanity was our inheritance in this life
Generations of troubled souls seeking somehow
serenity from a racing mind
erase the pain of everyday strife
stop the cycle and lets live life
let’s show our children a different beach
sandy feet
soothing waves
cool refreshing shade

Do you notice cinematography on TV? Perhaps if you are a cinematographer. And yet if you have ever seen the show, “Breaking Bad” you can’t help but notice. I am not a big TV person and actually the ONLY TV that I have watched in the past year have been the NFL. I accidently stumbled on this show while visiting an old friend but all I could remember was being totally WOW’ed by this show. Based in beautiful New Mexico and shot with a wide lens, it is the story of a guy who loses all his money to a cancer diagnosis that wasn’t. He cooks and sells crystal meth to save his family. Interesting.
BIG BULLY just GO AWAY
I think World War one was started by another country sinking another countries boat. Recently North Korea has for no reason torpedoed a South Korean ship and declared that if anyone has a problem with it, we are prepared for an all-out war.
Would you believe me if I said the world is ending and we are all hurling towards cosmic conflics that are hotter then the face of the sun?

HELP !!!!!


Right now I’m in a book store listening to this negative fuck next to me tell his wife (who never says a word) I don’t see democracy or capitalism working, I don’t see our culture working, I see no help for the unemployed, we watch too much TV, everybody is addicted to something, the cost of education, the crime in the streets…come on let’s get outta here!” They left their empty cups on the table, didn’t put back the magazines and books they were thumbing thru went out to the parking lot, crawled into their Cadillac SUV and drove home to their protected little shell of a home somewhere in the suburbs.
TEENAGERS
Perhaps the greediest, neediest and most self centered bastards on American soil today. They deserve their high insurance rates, they deserve a empty future of resources, they need a good fucking smack in the ass. A wake up call like never before seen. Maybe an angry country on the other side of the world called North Korea.
Is every person in the nation entitled to drive around in a ton of steel, air conditioning blasting, texting and music blaring?
HELP ME TO understand!
While millions upon millions of gallons of crude oil leak into the gulf of Mexico, the price of gasoline has gone down. It is at the lowest that I have ever seen in 2 years.
How are they going to stop this leak? It is already a bigger tragedy then the Exxon Valdez in Alaska. After they stop it, then what? Is anybody losing any sleep over this?
When you cut off the flow of blood to an human organ it dies. When you cut the flow of nature into peoples lives, their spirit dies. It’s as simple as that.
FACEBOOK
Blank Face Face Blank. About Face. How many hours a day do we spend looking at a screen rather then looking at the faces of real people? 500 Million Facebook users!! The company CEO a 26 year old has disabled his “Friend” button. Privacy issues? Who cares if Big Brother is watching, I have created a much better me on-line then the one I carry with me in real life!

I confess to being a lazy bastard. I don’t care. I don’t want to do nothing. I don’t want to be bothered. I especially hate painting rooms and moving furniture so if you need those things done and I do help you, consider me a hero. Waiting for my medal.

why the wicked witch is NOT dead

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Because evil will always be seeking to hurt us. Temptation, greed, lust and wishing your life was as good or better than your neighbors.
I got fired today. Eight days after I got the job. I kind of saw it coming. The short spanish man just did not like me. I have faced the “short man dilemma” my entire life but this time it was a great thing. The Wicked Witch lives in all of us, especially in prejudice.
“George, I am going to have to let you go. Peter just can’t work with you.”
From my first meeting with this man, his karma was very destructive and strong. He had the upper hand and he knew it and he used it. I never talked back, actually got humbler, nicer, funnier, more cooperative, more understanding, overly helpful and this just got him angrier and more POWERful.
I believe that if I would have given him what he wanted, fights, arguments and negativity I would have retired there with a huge pension.
It was a great relief to walk out that air conditioned office into a blast of heat and the stench of the side alley garbage. I climbed into my car, rolled down all the windows, opened the roof and blasted my son Joshuas death metal music. Shaking, rocking and rolling down Spanish Harlem. Giving and getting the thumbs up from Senoritas with huge butts. Goodbye to another rather short and humbling chapter to the quest for materialism.

I haven’t seen TV in a month !! It is almost like “I haven’t had a cigarette in a month !”
I have heard that quitting smoking is a “spiritual experience” Really a tough one.
But really. No TV in a month is a great feat. I don’t miss it at all.
What a bunch of fucking bullshit. I would sell my left kidney for ONE freakin RERUN of Seinfeld.

Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, what if you found yourself transported not just over the rainbow but beyond — to other worlds and other peoples? What practical information, ideas, or gifts might you find there to bring back home?
In my journey now I have included Peter (the short spanish man with way too much power) in my mantras. As much as I would love to be angry with him and dump a gallon of fresh red paint over his he-man sports car, what happened in that Grand Format Print Shop was meant to be. As my brand new three doors slam shut, I am already anticipating the next door to open.
BUT NOW with Summer hotter than hell and the ocean waves cool salty and refreshing, I have no problem staying “In the hall” for awhile. I can wait with full unemployment benefits for the next heartbreak and or challenge. Have to go now.
GONE FISHING

Keeping Brother Glenn alive

Friday, July 10th, 2009

There once was a herd of ten sheep and they were all raised in the same pen.
They looked at each other and said, “Look at you, YOU are the BLACK sheep of the family.”
“No, I am NOT. Have you looked at yourself? YOU are indeed the black sheep of the family.”
In their minds they all thought that they were indeed, fluffy white on the outside. When they looked at their brothers and sisters, they saw negativity, difference and darkness.
ONE DAY a shiny chrome, newly washed, 18 wheel freight truck pulled up next to them to deliver their food. When they all looked at their reflection as one family, they realized that they were all the same color. They were all beautiful and they were even more beautiful when they saw how they looked together as ONE.
I got a text message from Ohio saying Glenn is in a nursing home.
From deep within your heart ask Jesus to be by his side.

Glenn we LOVE YOU

Glenn we LOVE YOU

Free WI-FI

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

My bathroom is the next fast food restaurant and the YMCA. I always liked the Y. It is pampering of my body. Endless hot water in the shower. 103 degree hot tub in front of a picture window of woods. Sometimes the Jersey deer wander over and through. The Westfield YMCA is filled with alot of retired successful men. They have interesting stories and recollections. But it seems to me that they always end up talking about MONEY.
For the most part, in the locker room we are all naked. You are not supposed to look at each others penis’ but sometimes you can’t help it. There are alot of mirrors and asses and penis’ all over the place.
Some guys are driving compact cars and some guys have Hummers. Once I was shaving naked in front of the mirror when Frank came over almost right next to me. Frank is a very tall and wide black man. He is very outspoken and sometimes annoyingly friendly. So Frank is naked too and he starts talking to me about investments and divorce. I don’t even remember how it all started but his PRESENCE was very strong. He kept looking at me in the mirror as he talked. I just had to check out his penis. So I snuck a look and was like wow, dude, I don’t feel so bad. We are both driving Cadillacs only his is black. I can listen to him finally but can give two shits about investments and divorce at this point in my life.
The worse thing that can happen when sleeping in a car is have a mosquito in there with you. Because I park next to woods, they are there waiting for me. I got raped last night.

In New York all the women that walk past reflective windows will 98% of the time watch themselves as they go by. When women meet each other they are VERY quick. You might have to see it in slow motion but in the quickest up and down look (ALWAYS shoes first) can figure out everything you are wearing, your hair, your nails and can make an honest assumption on whether you are multi-orgasmic or not. Women are the most clever animals on the planet earth. They are emotion and intuition driven. They are much more intelligent, sensible and honest.

Food that takes a long time to go bad:
Peanut Butter
Pizza.
Milk has alot of vitamins but is extremely perishable. Just buy small amounts.
I will tell you this: Greg beat me to it. I would have been living in Florida right now, in the middle of fucking nowhere and I would have started a farm and a big garden. Perhaps I would sit on the porch all day and say “Fuck Graphics” Ha ha ha. I would absolutely have a dog.
I would name her Eddy.