Cloud Forest


The one reason why I thought it was NOT a dream was because I distinctly remember being so excited at this situation that I just had to put my arm around my father. While the photo was being taken, I swirled my head in total ecstasy as to who I was with. I remember turning my head. That wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t deja vu either. It happened.

I’ve kept a watchful eye on my sugar intake. There are some very serious diabetes in our family, I want you all to should really check your glucose level when you can. One of the major culprits in our sister Beverly’s death was diabetes. Our great grandfather had his left leg amputated due to diabetes. Our grandfather also had his left leg amputated and he passed away from diabetes and gangrene triggered by peripheral neuropathy.

Since we all reluctantly visit death in our imagination, we sometimes wonder how we will go. In the movie Big Fish, several children visit a haunted house where a witch with a glass eye lives. and she offers a view into her eye so that you can see how you will die. If you were offered a glance into that glass eye would you be brave enough to look?

It was on the bottom of a box. The box was underneath a pile of other boxes. Like twenty boxes. They were all filled with stuff from Whitman street. Most of it was old toys from Christmas’ long ago. A lot of papers and old letters. What I was looking and hoping for were photos. I don’t even know how I got here. It’s feeling like a dream. Maybe it is and I’ll wake up. Because Whitman street seems dead. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t even live anywhere close to this god-forsaken town. Up these crazy stairs. Doesn’t look like our old house. I don’t get it. Here is the room filled with boxes. The first bedroom on the right. By the upstairs bathroom.

Do you remember this Whitman bathroom? Once our dad spent all day assembling beautiful glass sliding doors on the bathtub so that we could take showers in a sort of luxurious way. He was pretty handy with a drill and hammer. I remember we hounded him all day as he worked on these sliding doors. Mom was excited because they were really nice looking. So when he is finally done, we all take a step back and look at this magnificent work of art. It has probably doubled the worth of our home, I’m thinking. We were the first family on our block with color TV and now we own the richest looking bathroom in Carteret. So we check it out, open and close the glass doors slowly. Yeah, everything works fine. Beautiful. Then someone, I don’t remember who, (probably Glenn did it) slammed the brand new door shut and the room exploded with a million pieces of glass.
What I remember most about that tragedy was my father who typically has a very short fuse, just shook his head, mumbled “It just wasn’t meant to be” and began cleaning the mess. Nobody got yelled at. Nobody got punished. The glass was removed but the frames that he spent hours putting into the wall remained. They were there for years. And for many years after he died. I always looked at them and felt them whenever I took a bath or shower. Touched the screws inside the track holding them to the wall and I thought of my father and his patience. His eerie silence cleaning up afterwards.

Einstein showed that mass and energy are the same thing. Based on this theory, time travel seems possible. If not now, then in the future. Parallel universes, or alternative universes or mirror universes have had a long run of popularity in science fiction and science fantasy, in both print and visual formats. One need only look at an “Alice in Wonderland” or look no further than the “Star Trek” universe (our Universe in less than obvious disguise) to view the near endless plot variations that such parallel / alternative / mirror universes provide our heroes and heroines. While there are some serious reasons to suspect that parallel universes do exist. Time travel is the name of the game!

stairsSo, in this dream, (which I thought was a dream) I went up the Whitman street stairs, opened a door to the first bedroom and found a bunch of boxes and began digging into them. In one window I could hear birds chirping and the sun was blasting through. When I opened the curtains and looked down it was the side of our house. When I looked up at the Summer sky, it was a cloud forest. There were a few of us playing whiffel ball and Toker was aimlessly walking around. I could hear Schnauzer barking in the backyard. Schnauzer was never allowed to wander around aimlessly. The window on the other side of the room was gray and I could hear the wind whistling through the cracks. I pushed the curtain aside and it was a blizzard outside. I could see Gitters house across the street and it was buried. Mr. Gitter was desperately shoveling the walk leading up to the door and Peanuts was barking like crazy behind him. So here I am in a room from the past split into two different seasons.
Downstairs I heard our whole family screaming. People were yelling Glenn’s name and I went to the door and opened it. At that exact moment Danny Braza was racing down the stairs to save Glenn’s life. A chicken bone stuck in his throat. This was the first use of our brother Glenn’s 16 lives.
I shut the door and realized I was way back in time. It seemed like I knew what I was looking for. Went back to the boxes and there on the bottom of a box filled with receipts and papers from Westfield Sewing Center was this photo. |Click HERE for a better view|

Comments (3)

Movie Still #4 from Home Movies

Times were good!

Times were good!

Yeah, back to that home movie. 3 min and 24 seconds into it. My favorite part.


“A Mask of Myself” the Rotten Tomato Interview

Blah blah blah blah.....

Interviewer: So are you comfortable?
N.Dusk: What? What? With my life? In this chair? Is this the first question? What?
Interviewer: In that chair.
N.Dusk: Oh, yeah sure. That light is kinda in my eyes.
Interviewer: Oh sure sorry. There is that better?
N.Dusk: Can we just turn it off and light a couple of candles maybe?
Interviewer: This is an interview not a romantic encounter.
N.Dusk: I know. I know. But I need to be in the right mood to say the right know...I..oh forget it.
Interviewer: Uh, I will. what happened to "A Mask of Myself"?
N.Dusk: Oh what a flop. It never had a chance.
Interviewer: Even with the Facebook exposure?
N.Dusk: Exposure? Ha ha ha. It had nothing to do with anything but being a very bad movie. Besides that I'm pretty clueless with marketing and YouTube has changed dramatically in the last few years.
Interviewer: How so?
N.Dusk: Well, first of all, it used to all the shit and now it's just not even half of that.
Interviewer: Because of Facebook?
N.Dusk: Not just FB but Tweeter, Tumbler etc etc. YouTube has just become a link to social networking, it's not really what it used to be. It's all about proper marketing though. Everybody wants their stuff to get a million hits and ultimately....

Interviewer: GO VIRAL!
N.Dusk: Right. And the chances of that are like hitting the lottery.
Interviewer: So what was the inspiration for "A Mask of Myself"?
N.Dusk: Well I kinda mentioned that in the closing credits. It just started as a small spark. Glancing at a photo in an art magazine. Simple right? But my mind carried that photo away to another imaginative world and it went away for awhile but the spark never went out. I just kept thinking about that photo, how cool it was and what I could do with it.
Interviewer: What was the photo of?
N.Dusk: It was a photo of a man in front of a wall full on TV monitors.
Interviewer: That's a pretty significant part of your movie.
N.Dusk: Well originally I thought the photo was sooo cool that I was just gonna steal the idea for my FB profile photo. Then while I was working on it, I thought about the whole profile photo idea, how important it is, how people worship themselves. I ended up doing a huge web research project on social networking as a whole. I started watching profile photos. Some people change them all the time, like me, and others can change every few months. I even had one friend for three years that NEVER changed it once!
Interviewer: Fascinating
N.Dusk: It really was to me. It becomes an exercise in "self-discipline" ... for me anyway. As usual I over analyzed the entire situation and broke it down into ridiculous layers of ego and self worth.
Interviewer: So you like to "over analyze" ?
N.Dusk: Yes. That's one of my problems....well, I guess it's not a problem really. It can be good. I can say that I'm "deep" but most of my friends interpret it as me being an "over sensitive idiot with poetic eyes... delicate even."
Interviewer: What else are you?
N.Dusk: Weird as hell.
Interviewer: What do you mean by that?
N.Dusk: For as long as I can remember, I have a taste for the ordinarily weird. Things that are right in front of me. Life is a series of weird moments. One weird photograph after another. One moment I can be in a room with the strangest combination of people making the strangest combination of statements to each other and twenty seconds later I will driving down a wooded highway alone, watching an amazing sunset through my windshield.
Interviewer: Wow.
N.Dusk: Are you being sarcastic?
Interviewer: What do you think?
N.Dusk: That's exactly my point! You and 99% of the globe just don't get it. You just take advantage of lifes everyday moments.
Interviewer: That's not ordinarily weird it's ridiculously deep.
N.Dusk: If you stop and watch what happens to you during the course of a day, you may be amazed.
Interviewer: Yawn. Ok, so, back to the movie. How do you rate it against all your other weird movies?
N.Dusk: This was actually the only movie I made that had some sort of plot or even a plan.
Interviewer: Is that why it failed?
N.Dusk: Miserably.
Interviewer: So, why did it take you so long to complete?
N.Dusk: Well first of all, it wasn't easy. The movie is like 90 percent stop-action and that's a lot of work.... secondly, I have no real free time. I love being creative and being in front of the monitor at work 10 to 12 hours a day takes it's toll.....on my time and my creativity. I just HAD to do a project before the blizzard of work that comes Christmas time.
Interviewer: What is your fascination with animation?
N.Dusk: Ever since I was a little kid, I've been fascinated by animation.
Interviewer: Hanna-Barbera ?
N.Dusk: Ha ha....well, yes, of course, and the roughness of Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse. But really, I started doing flip movies in books at a very early age. Now there is stop action at it's rawest form. In the early days of the digital era I found Power Point.
Interviewer: Not really a great animation tool.
N.Dusk: No but with alot of thought and work it could be AND you can tell a story. But even bigger than can add another huge element.......SOUND ! And by trial and error and many great "accidents" I was able to put some cool things together.
Interviewer: What's next?
N.Dusk: After this movie, I need to get back into something totally unpredictable and spontaneous like I have done in the past. Starting from scratch with no plot, few ideas and some clips of cool music.
Interviewer: If you had super powers what would they be?
N.Dusk: Oh in time for sure!!!
Interviewer: Favorite software besides Photoshop?
N.Dusk: iMovie
Interviewer: Greatest single influence?
N.Dusk: Vonnegut
Interviewer: Favorite song?
N.Dusk: Norwegian Wood
Interviewer: Comfort food?
N.Dusk: Currently? Olives stuffed with garlic from the ShopRite salad bar.


Comments (2)

Hello Clara and Charles

Hi Clara, Hi Charles. Has it been awhile since someone has visited?

Just checking in. How is the weather up there? We are starting to warm up a bit.
With the information you gave me on the family tree, I went to visit Charles today.
As it turns out, the cemetery that he is buried in is only 8 miles from where I am living with
my girlfriend. I went into the office and he told me that Clara and Charles were buried in separate lots.

I spent one hour searching for the wrong grave. There were Hartmanns buried there but not Charles.
I was very disappointed and the cemetery was gonna close in one hour. So, I went after Clara.
Very tough to find only because their numbering system is so complicated and I was given no map in the office.

When I found Clara’s grave, it was just as I had thought. Charles was right there with her.
I have got to tell you, I was deeply moved. I imagine it has been many years since anyone has visited them.
So I spoke out loud and told them that their memory still lives…even in the minds of people that have never met them.

I have attached a photo for you.

Just some quick questions….

According to the web tree … an uncle that I knew, my fathers brother, William Hartman, is still alive.
He was very distant from us. He had polio as a child and the last time I saw him was 1975 at Disneyland.
Is there anyway to find out if he is still alive?
Because he may be still alive, his name isn’t listed.
Is there an “administrator” to the web tree?? Might that be you?
Just wondering. Now that I have found you, maybe some things have changed.
Do you think that my grandfathers real name is what is listed?? I knew him as George Joseph Hartman.

I am planning on sharing your wonderful photos with my family through the family web site at the beginning of April.

It is so strange that Charles and Clara were only eight miles away from me this whole time.
I think that Clara was a very beautiful woman. The fact that there was only one blue-eyed child is kinda strange.

Have you ever wandered into the states???

Full of curiosity and kind regards

Comments (1)

a MAJOR heritage Hartman BREAKthru

In my on and off extensive search for our heritage I have found out some very cool and very important information. Only because of our sister Barbs brave dig into our great aunts sisterhood on Menham NJ, (a letter mailed about 4 years ago) was I able to obtain the complete list of our Grandpa’s 12 brothers and sisters. With this information, I may have contact with someone who has access to even more information and even more exciting some photos of our great grandparents and their 12 children.
We already knew there were 13 children and that one had died in infancy but now it has been uncovered that two had indeed very sadly passed away before their first birthday. (this was actually a pretty common thing back then and the life span of most adults back then rarely went past 50)

So here it is, In order of their births:

1. Gertrude b:1888 d:1973 (In 1913 became an nun “Sister Clarella.”)
2. Fred b:1889 m:1920 (Married Lydia Marklein) d:1941
3. Clara Mathilde b:1890 m:1914 (Married J.Van Duzer) d:1932 (Relatives
located on this side of family.)
4. Emmy b:1892 d:1892 died as infant
5. Frieda b:1894 d:1973 became a nun “Sister Richardis”
6. Charles Richard b:1895 d:1895 died as infant
7. Katherine b:1896 m:1918 (Married Henry Jager) d:1969
8. George Joseph b:1898 m:1917 (Married Florence Swaine) m: 2nd time in 1929 (Alice Anderson) d:1970
9. Margaret Helen b:1899 m:1919 (Married Frank Robarge) d:1971
10. Clara b:1901 m:1927 (Married Henry Ulrich) d:1962
11. Rose Anna b:1903 m:1925 (Married William Ross) d:1974
12. Alfred b:1906 m: 1933 d: unknown?
13. Marie Elizabeth b:1909 (never married) d: unknown ?

#8 – George Joseph is our Grandfather . Also very new information is that he was married twice and his second wife – Alice Anderson our Grandmother, was the mother of our father George Charles. It is important to note here that in the 1950’s which was shortly after World War II and the holocaust, our Grandfather knocked off a ‘N’ on our last name. I remember our mother telling me it was a business decision based on the name Hartman (one ‘N’ Jewish) and Hartmann (2 ‘N’s’ being German). Since most salesmen in America in the 1950’s were Jewish, it was said that they merely avoided any contacts with German people.

I am trying very hard to get in touch with the woman that posted this information on the web. Her Grandmother was our Grandfather’s sister; Clara Mathilde. I have emailed her twice so far with no return. Of corse I will never stop trying.
Somewhere out there are photos of this family and I think she may have them. It would be amazing to look into the faces of a one-hundred year old family of fifteen and to see, perhaps, our own likeness’. You must understand that DNA and generation to generation chemistry is carried on and passed. We are what they were and although every individual that has ever visited this planet is entirely unique, but that families are in some spiritual and chemical way… are tied together for all eternity.
-more info to come-

Comments (1)

winter solace

Today was fuzzy socks
under a tall tree of solitude
long branches dipping
into sandy creek
of sun
and who I am

Today is over in a sea
of yellow orange
love that I intend
oh, distant heart
distant heart
can you hear me?

Today was an astonishing island
shipwrecked imagination
that howls in the tunnel
of nightfall
Outside is frozen mulch
and hungry birds

Tomorrow will come tonight
out of the forest of fears
and the lights of all-night diners
racing blood
imprisoned memory
of yesterday

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