Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Douglas says:

    This is the job description solumedrol iv push Should the UN organization fail, the European Union could try to re-impose an emissions trading system on global airlines. The EU postponed the implementation of the law in 2012 to give the ICAO time to devise a global approach.

  2. Jaden says:

    I love this site buy metronidazole gel uk Instead of determining whether or not this content is allowed on Facebook, the site will now play the jury for each violent post that makes the rounds. If context is truly the key, why did Facebook remove this specific beheading post from the site entirely? Surely some of the users posting it were condemning the horrific act.

  3. Efrain says:

    Another service? amlactin before and after reddit “It was difficult but I had a good team around me to help me get back after each climb and Dominique Rollin was very helpful in the final,” said Bouhanni afterwards. “This one is a good victory. Any victory is good to take.”

  4. Damien says:

    Do you have any exams coming up? buy accutane 40 mg cheap “Really? This award too is now loaded with political concerns: Nobel Peace Prize goes to Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons,” she wrote on Twitter after the results were announced.

  5. Mishel says:

    Is there ? diclofenac gel generico “Fiscal consolidation remains a high priority in countries with large fiscal imbalances, while others should rebuild buffers, unless growth deteriorates significantly,” the panel said in a closing statement.

  6. Geoffrey says:

    I love the theatre benadryl cr cough syrup This is what A-Rod is counting on in a desperate effort to keep all his money by impeding baseball justice and portraying himself as the victim. Everybody loves stories of heroism, of man overcoming adversity, and this is his dream scenario.

  7. Darrell says:

    I came here to work penegra forum TAIPEI, July 10 (Reuters) – Taiwan’s top foundries may needto rein in expectations for the second half of the year ashigh-end smartphone sales growth cools and chip buyers look toship more low-cost, low-margin gadgets to emerging markets likeChina.

  8. Monty says:

    I can’t stand football erectalis 20mg tadalafil Pioneer Natural Resources was the S&P 500’s biggestpercentage gainer after reporting its second-quarter results.The company’s shares jumped 13.3 percent to $175.32, afterhitting an all-time high of $180.99 earlier in the session.

  9. Coleman says:

    I’ve just graduated dhea 50 mg costco LONDON, Oct 22 (Reuters) – Iran is reaching out to its oldoil buyers and is ready to cut prices if Western sanctionsagainst it are eased, promising a battle for market share in aworld less hungry for oil than when sanctions were imposed.

  10. Freelife says:

    Lost credit card remedio ibuprofeno 600 mg bula “I think this is a really important paper that they did. In a way, it really challenges psychiatric hospitals to address something they’ve been neglecting for some time,” Dr. Nancy Rigotti, a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School in Boston who has studied tobacco control, said.

  11. Donovan says:

    Remove card achat securise de viagra Racing through time and space in a blue police telephone box, the Time Lord has battled foes such as the Cybermen, the Weeping Angels and the Daleks. Episodes in the last series drew record audiences for BBC America in 2012.

  12. Stanford says:

    I’ll put her on where to buy flagyl for bv Haydee Reyes Soto, the director of the Oaxaca public records office, said the registry official who drew up the fake death certificate used a real official form, signed it and stamped it with an official seal, and even listed it under a file number used to record a real death.

  13. Craig says:

    It’s serious does tylenol 3 need a prescription The long term vision for Glow includes riding the “wearable computing” trend to incorporate ways to automatically feed applications information through sensors in bracelets, pendants, scales or elsewhere.

  14. Harold says:

    Please call back later cellucor no3 black chrome Davis’ opponents plan to use her support for abortion rights to rally conservative Christian voters next fall. About 40 anti-abortion demonstrators marched outside the venue where Davis was speaking Thursday, and Texas Right to Life plans to begin airing an ad over the weekend that calls her an “abortion zealot.”

  15. Ismael says:

    Go travelling equate ibuprofen 200 mg Alitalia’s new CEO, turnaround specialist Gabriele DelTorchio, has already outlined a new plan to focus on the morelucrative long-haul market, but he desperately needs cash to buythe larger aircraft needed for inter-continental flights. Thecompany says the new strategy will help it to break even in 2015and return to profit in 2016.

  16. Vernon says:

    Another service? reglan pregnancy third trimester The Calgary-based company, which was acquired bystate-controlled CNOOC in 2013 for $15.1 billion, cut 400 jobslast week in North America and the United Kingdom in response toplunging global oil prices.

  17. Junior says:

    I’m training to be an engineer online viagra purchase india DUBAI, Oct 1 (Reuters) – Iran is preparing a politicallyrisky increase in domestic fuel prices, trying to lighten theburden of multi-billion dollar subsidies on an economy severelydamaged by Western sanctions.

  18. Maynard says:

    I didn’t go to university estradiol norethindrone acetate tablets generic But readiness has been falling in each of the last four years as the defense budget has come down. Sequestration has accelerated this decline and further puts at risk U.S. credibility if it continues next year and into the future. 

  19. Mohammad says:

    good material thanks what is sulfamethoxazole trimethoprim used to treat The Oakland, California-based company said residentialproperty losses alone amount to more than $200 for each personwho lives in the 17 flood-stricken counties of Colorado, basedon 2012 census data, and that most of those costs are uninsured.

  20. Hector says:

    A jiffy bag valli occlusali wikipedia Actor Josh Duhamel (L) and his wife singer Fergie arrives at The Clinton Foundation Gala in celebration of the organization’s ”Decade of Difference” in Los Angeles in this October 14, 2011 file photo.

  21. Isaiah says:

    About a year restup london booking People are engaging in panic buying. A lot of establishments are closed. The only ones that are open right now are a number of supermarkets and pawnshops. The banks are closed so if people don't have ATMs or cash to hand, they go to the pawnshops.

  22. Sydney says:

    Very Good Site pharmacy prices for generic adderall “America’s energy vulnerability is an unintended side effectof the nature and organisation of highly centralisedtechnologies. Complex energy devices were built and linkedtogether one by one without considering how vulnerable a systemthis was creating,” they wrote.

  23. Craig says:

    Have you got any ? jual hajar jahanam original “Maduro still has the benefit of the doubt. But if after ayear, he is still trying to act like Chavez yet not showingprogress, people may get tired and his ratings might fall intothe 30s,” said David Smilde, a sociology professor at theUniversity of Georgia who has studied Venezuela for 20 years.

  24. Laverne says:

    Recorded Delivery cialis off patent date “ ‘When they sit down to shoot a scene in the coffee shop or a bar, they can barely look at each other,’ claims a source. ‘They never go anywhere together, unless they have to promote the show. They barely talk.’

  25. Brenton says:

    A few months minoxidil equate walmart mexico Icahn and his entities sold roughly 3.6 million shares inHain to Jefferies LLC, which will serve as the underwriter ofthe shares’ public offering, Hain said. The sale comes afterIcahn sold 3.65 million shares of Hain to Jefferies earlier thismonth.

  26. Archie says:

    A financial advisor what is the use of himcolin gel Washington Post Managing Editor Emilio Garcia-Ruiz said in a statement that for about 30 minutes Thursday morning, readers of some Washington Post stories were redirected to the website of the Syrian Electronic Army.

  27. Fernando says:

    I’m from England isotretinoin jerawat Only two years ago Lion Food and Beverage Company, owned by Japan’s Kirin Holdings Co, and other big firms were moving jobs the other way to capitalize on Australia’s stronger economy. Gary Ivory, M&A partner at KPMG in Auckland says this traditional shift “has definitely stopped”.

  28. Cortez says:

    Very funny pictures low price levitra President Hamid Karzai’s government also faces a deteriorating security situation ahead of elections next April that is hindering plans to develop Afghan natural resources, the World Bank said in its South Asia Economic Focus report.

  29. Horacio says:

    Have you got any experience? betamethasone dipropionate cream usp augmented 0.05 uses I don't think Chris Froome will have the wind behind him all day… Alberto Contador is battling a cross tailwind as he enters the final kilometre… and then out of his saddle to charge to the line. Every second counts for him, but he is going to finish outside the top 10.

  30. Herschel says:

    Hold the line, please testogen-xr powder review But where is their Chris Martin, their Courtney Walsh, their Chandrasekhar, their Phil Hughes? The simple answer is that there is not one. Sky bat all the way down. There is a tiresome excellence to them: a frighteningly earnest, strangely hokey, powder-based-foundation-themed excellence. This is Sky Sports Ashes, you see. Can you not see they put “Ashes” in the name to show you how seriously they take this? This is the Ashes, and the Ashes is too important to be fun. Here, have another montage.

  31. Tilburg says:

    I’d like to pay this cheque in, please activator rx australia The company plans to list its common stock on the New YorkStock Exchange under the symbol “EPE”. (Reporting by Greg Roumeliotis in New York; Additionalreporting by Aman Shah in Bangalore; Editing by Andrew Hay andKen Wills)

  32. Isaias says:

    What’s the last date I can post this to to arrive in time for Christmas? cialis 20 mg quanto costa in farmacia Vion declined to comment on details of the sale process buta spokesman said: “There is great interest in our Ingredientsactivities, both from business players as well as privateequity. We expect the sales process to be realised by the end ofthe year.”

  33. Harley says:

    Please call back later astelin otc canada Despite the diplomatic bluster, Spain has few tools to prize Gibraltar away from Britain and Gibraltarians say the current pressure will only reinforce their determination to resist any talk of a sovereignty compromise.

  34. Rodrick says:

    Until August nature’s bounty l arginine reviews Turkey’s relations with Israel have soured in recent years and hit a low in May 2010 when Israeli commandos killed nine Turkish activists while storming the Mavi Marmara, a ship in a convoy seeking to break an Israeli naval blockade of Gaza.

  35. Tilburg says:

    Could you give me some smaller notes? clindamycin phosphate cream uses Funding for Homeland Security ends at midnight Friday, and large parts of the agency will be closed or employees will be forced to work without pay

  36. Burton says:

    Do you need a work permit? coq10 ubiquinol malaysia Paraguayan voters overlooked these allegations, focusing instead on hopes that the boyish-looking businessman from the dominant Colorado Party can help the country reap more benefit from windfall soy profits that are boosting the economy at 10 percent a year.

  37. Wilfred says:

    We’re at university together irritability weaning off lexapro Manziel gives those who are not A&M or SEC fans another reason to tune in. It’s as simple as this: They want to see him take it on the chin — literally. After last Saturday’s performance, the national college football media were already focussing on the revenge angle.

  38. Sidney says:

    perfect design thanks topamax online cheap “Russia has stabbed us in the back, and each day that Mr. Snowden is allowed to roam free is another twist of the knife,” Schumer said. “Given Russia’s decision today, the president should recommend moving the G20 summit.”

  39. Payton says:

    I’d like to pay this cheque in, please zoloft generic problems Jones has adjusted well to the spotlight, displaying a strong arm and an ability to take hits with his 6-foot-5, 250-pound frame.

  40. Claud says:

    Hold the line, please celebrex 200 mg price philippines Bill Marlow, a highway department bridge inspector, said he noted damage to a pier protection berm beneath the I-30 span but determined that the bridge itself was not harmed. A pier protector beneath a pedestrian bridge near the Clinton Presidential Library also was struck.

  41. Theodore says:

    Could you ask him to call me? naproxen 750 side effects NBC newscaster Jenna Wolfe made her own headlines when she came out publicly with partner Stephanie Gosk and announced they’re having a baby. The Today show’s Sunday anchor said she and Gosk, a foreign correspondent at NBC, have been together three years, plan to wed and embarked on “Operation Baby” in December. “My girlfriend, Stephanie Gosk, and I are expecting a baby girl the end of August,” Wolfe, 39, wrote in the debut post for her new pregnancy blog. “We felt like we wanted to share our adventures with a wide-eyed, little person,” she blogged.

  42. Emile says:

    I can’t hear you very well acquistare vermox online The regulator last year banned the use of tripartydocumentation for clearing that was being pushed by banksthrough the International Swaps and Derivatives Association andfutures trade group the Futures Industry Association, aftercritics alleged that the documents would have a coercive effectof restricting investors to trading only with the largest banks.

  43. Jermaine says:

    I’m only getting an answering machine viagra best online From 2016, no further second state pension can be accrued. Contracting out will end and National Insurance contributions will go towards building up single-tier (flat-rate) state pension entitlement. 

  44. Ollie says:

    I’m unemployed azithromycin 500 preis FID for the project would likely be made in conjunction withfellow Tanzania explorers Exxon Mobil and Norway’sStatoil, he said. (Reporting by Andrew Callus and Stephen Eisenhammer, editing byWilliam Hardy)

  45. Morris says:

    Who would I report to? maxipatch uk
    “We have established processes in place to deliver new titles to customers on their release date and are looking into the circumstances that led to a small number of customers receiving this game earlier than intended on this occasion,” a spokesman said.

  46. Paris says:

    I’m doing a masters in law is ibuprofen 800 mg good for toothache Researchers say the movement of the clip during swallowing reflects any movement of the gastro-oesophageal junction. Over the next two or three days, subjects fasted and three further probes were inserted into various parts of the oesophagus. The aim was to monitor the location of the SCJ and to study any changes at the junction between oesophagus and stomach.

  47. Agustin says:

    In a meeting metronidazole or tinidazole medicine Dag Øistein Endsjø, a professor of religion at the University of Bergen, published a commentary on Friday in which he accused Eide and other government officials of not reacting strongly enough. Eide responded that he and his colleagues will now “make it clear” to the authorities in Dubai that they must not punish rape victims the way they have Dalelv and others. It wasn’t clear whether Norway would advise Norwegians against traveling to Dubai or the other states in the United Arab Emirates.

  48. Enrique says:

    I’d like a phonecard, please lasix shot for cats
    In May, the country’s securities commission established asharia advisory board to oversee Islamic financial instruments,while last year it announced rules for sukuk, takaful (Islamicinsurance) and Islamic deposits. (Editing by Andrew Torchia)

  49. Damien says:

    Have you got any ? levofloxacin tablets 500 mg dosage “We offered to pay reasonable increases, but CBS’s demands are out of line and unfair — and they want Time Warner Cable to pay more than others pay for the same programming,” Time Warner Cable said in a statement.

  50. Elijah says:

    Languages goodrx januvia 50 mg Television images from the scene of the crash showed thebus, operated by Da Zhen Bus company, overturned on its side ona dirt embankment. (Reporting and writing by Alex Dobuzinskis; Editing by SteveGorman)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *