Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Stephanie says:

    I’ve lost my bank card viagra online hyderabad March 16, 2008 – Bear Stearns collapses and JPMorgan agreesto buy it with $30 billion in backing from the New York FederalReserve Bank. Fed launches Primary Dealer Credit Facility forinvestment banks.

  2. Rosario says:

    I like watching TV buy zetia cheap But the symbolic vote comes as support for a long-standingindependence campaign has been swelled by Spain’s deeprecession

  3. Jacques says:

    Did you go to university? ciprofloxacin dosage urinary tract infection Third baseman Pedro Alvarez — who earlier homered off Strasburg — dove to his left to stop the ball, but it popped out of his glove, and he couldn’t quite corral it. The next batter walked, but Liriano struck out cleanup hitter Jayson Werth looking.

  4. Lucky says:

    Could I have a statement, please? buy terbinafine The state is confident that “the law will stand up in court,” and points out that people can get an I.D. at any one of 71 offices throughout the state. In some cases, people don’t even need to provide any documents…or any written proof of who they claim they are, such as a utility bill, to get one.

  5. Fifa55 says:

    Did you go to university? how to get viagra easily After Napoli’s homer, Jonny Gomes — starting in left field instead of Daniel Nava — reached on an error by Cabrera at third base. One out later, 21-year-old Xander Bogaerts — who started at third instead of Will Middlebrooks — hit a double.

  6. Rocco says:

    I’m a trainee levofloxacin levaquin dosage Hangouts at UW include Union South, with its fireplaces, televisions and Wi-Fi – the “student living room on campus,” says Ladd – as well as a movie theater, bowling alley and climbing wall.

  7. Ayden says:

    Nice to meet you when is the best time to take prilosec 40 mg Many Catholics see the marches as provocative. Rioting by Irish nationalists in previous years led the Parades Commission to refuse permission this time for loyalists to march through a small part of the nationalist Ardoyne area.

  8. Roderick says:

    I like it a lot can i order celexa online In the meantime, Rudolf tries to keep busy and keep the memories of that night from resurfacing. Still in good health — for years, she walked regularly and pedaled a stationary bike 500 revolutions every morning and night — she helps her daughters make cabbage rolls, folds laundry, cleans house and prays and reads daily devotions.

  9. Clifton says:

    I’m a partner in top 100 prescription drugs brand and generic 2013 Hungarian pharmaceuticals company Egis postedafter tax profits of 2.923 billion forints ($12.89 million) forthe third quarter of its business year on Thursday, down 43percent from the same quarter a year ago.

  10. Wilburn says:

    Have you got a telephone directory? does cbd oil work for anxiety in dogs “I think he could have played last night but just respecting the protocol with head injuries is important, that I think all major sports are trying to be careful of now, in that regard.”

  11. Brock says:

    We’d like to offer you the job generic cialis online overnight “Reporters zoomed in on me, thrusting my name into the news. My inbox exploded with emails from women saying the same thing had happened to them. I’m sharing what I’ve learned from my experience in hopes that it might help others.”

  12. Vince says:

    I enjoy travelling topical finasteride egypt The U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) only requirespower plants to protect against attacks carried out by five orsix people, according to the report, entitled Protecting U.S.Nuclear Facilities from Terrorist Attack. In addition, the NRCdoes not require plants to protect themselves against attacksfrom high- powered sniper rifles and rocket-propelled grenades.

  13. Wilmer says:

    magic story very thanks dapoxetine online purchase in india Despite the shutdown, Republicans have failed to derailObama’s controversial healthcare law, which passed a milestoneon Tuesday when it began signing up uninsured Americans forsubsidized health coverage.

  14. Roosevelt says:

    I read a lot viagra no prescription yahoo Nobody knows the true scale of potential losses at Europe’sbanks, but the International Monetary Fund hinted at theenormity of the problem this month, saying that Spanish andItalian banks face 230 billion euros ($310 billion) of lossesalone on credit to companies in the next two years.

  15. Katelyn says:

    What sort of music do you listen to? ma aldara ile kosztuje It adds that the fact that Labour, alone of the main parties, “whipped” its MPs to vote for the proposal suggests “that the party would defy Israel's wishes and recognise Palestine as a state should it come to power at the next election.”

  16. Faustino says:

    A jiffy bag how much tylenol can you take in 24 hours In late 2008, faced with collapsing sales, Saks slashedprices, decimating margins and training shoppers to expectdiscounts. It took three years for the retailer to start sellingcloser to full price.

  17. Derrick says:

    Please call back later mantenimiento y reparacion de computadoras wikipedia “We regret that MeK and its supporters continue to focus on public distortions of the U.N.’s efforts to promote a peaceful, humanitarian solution on Camp Ashraf and, in particular, its highly personalized attacks on the U.N. envoy for Iraq,” U.N. spokesman Martin Nesirky said.

  18. Bruce says:

    I went to longjack 100 uk
    The two Republican and Democratic senators late on Thursdayintroduced legislation to change a 1909 law that prohibits thePostal Service from shipping alcoholic beverages. The banstarted a decade before prohibition-era laws made producing,selling and transporting alcohol illegal across the country.

  19. Markus says:

    I was made redundant two months ago dove acquistare ginseng rosso coreano At ProShares, which launched a similar High Yield – Interest Rate Hedged ETF in May, “We had a lot of our adviser and client community come and ask what they could do to protect their bond portfolios in a rising rate environment,” said Stephen Sachs, head of capital markets at ProShares.

  20. Earle says:

    What do you study? tolterodine tartrate 1mg Executives offered little to give investors hope that a newmarket-shifting breakthrough in high-end smartphone technologyis around the corner, fueling uncertainty over a segment whichappears to have peaked in the first quarter after driving aseries of record profits for Samsung in recent years.

  21. Fifa55 says:

    I work here how to get abilify free Mr Lavrov said: “Yes, our American colleagues would very much like there to be a Chapter 7 resolution. But the final declaration, the final document that we approved and which has the guiding principles for how we proceed and for our mutual obligations, makes no mention of it.”

  22. Ruben says:

    We went to university together robaxin 500 tablets As a result, lawyers said they have been unable to adequately work on a case often portrayed as the most complex terrorism prosecution in U.S. history. Setting up a new system would take at least three months, at an undisclosed cost. Attorney David Nevin, an attorney for lead defendant Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, said they cannot represent their clients and meet their ethical requirements without a secure network.

  23. Thurman says:

    Will I be paid weekly or monthly? tricor shipping A meeting of the sharpest minds on the day’s most important topics, Debate Club brings in the best arguments and lets readers decide which is the most persuasive. Read the arguments, then vote. And be sure to check back often to see who has gotten the most support—and also to see what’s being discussed now in the Debate Club.

  24. Ramiro says:

    Can I use your phone? how long does it take for methotrexate to work for psoriasis The total potential deal value for Bavarian Nordic could bemore than $187 million, including up-front payments, milestonepayments based on product progress, a supply contract and thepurchase by J&J of shares in the Danish biotech business.

  25. Jonathon says:

    I can’t get a dialling tone sinequan nursing considerations When they returned to work last week, some of the crops had already been harvested, meaning they lost the opportunity to make final physical assessments of some of the country’s agricultural production.

  26. Elisha says:

    I’m a partner in imodium syrup dose “We recognize the importance of this segment and how weneeded to make sure we were as competitive as possible,” ChrisPerry, vice president of Chevy marketing in North America, toldreporters at an event here. “Eighteen months into it, werecognized that we needed to up our game.”

  27. Bradley says:

    Sorry, I ran out of credit best kybella toronto Hoddle, whose views were sought by new Football Association chairman Greg Dyke before he launched his much-publicised speech about the need to keep future England teams competitive, says British children have as much raw skill as their continental counterparts.

  28. Lowell says:

    Jonny was here winsdrol v It’s a day for beavering away, tightening the nuts and bolts of software. But the evidence of voluble brainstorming is scrawled on whiteboards scattered around the forest of cubicles. There are funnels, flowcharts, and line graphs.

  29. Gracie says:

    I’m not working at the moment livial walmart A sweeping and controversial corporate reorganization plan was one of Ballmer’s last major moves before announcing he would retire at some undisclosed point in the coming year. While the wheels are already turning on the implementation of the changes, it’s very possible Ballmer will be gone before the process is complete.

  30. Laurence says:

    I’d like to change some money famciclovir and drug comparisons Clegg admitted the caller was ‘one of the most articulate nine-year-olds I’ve ever come across’

  31. Arnulfo says:

    I’d like to open an account motrin 200 As a part of the review, Sotheby’s will assess the use ofincremental debt to fund certain businesses, its credit ratingand funding requirements for certain strategic initiatives underits capital review process.

  32. Dwain says:

    Looking for a job imiquimod cost
    Police immediately began life support measures after arriving at the home, Murray said. Oak Lawn Fire Department paramedics were called and took the child to Advocate Christ Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead at 1:48 p.m., police said.

  33. Nigel says:

    We’ll need to take up references allopurinol interactions with furosemide
    At the start of her most recent attempt, she said mockingly to skeptical journalists, “I didn’t get any emails from any of you … saying, you know, you really should have someone from the Obama administration” trailing to document the journey.

  34. Aidan says:

    How much notice do you have to give? kamagra 100 erfahrungen Despite the recent declines, buyers have come in as the S&Papproached its 50-day moving average of 1,679.99. The movingaverage represents a measure of the near-term trend in themarket and often investors will buy in clusters at such levels.

  35. Patricia says:

    I really like swimming minoxidil rogaine chile In addition, there are other (more expensive) ways of measure body fat, such as CT and MRI scans, as well as DEXA scans, which can measure bone density as well as body fat, LiveScience reports. Also, levels of the hormone leptin can be measured to indicate body fat.

  36. Sean says:

    Accountant supermarket manager azithromycin 500mg 1mg That emerged after freedom of information requests revealed that some members of parliament had abused their expense accounts by purchasing items like model duck houses and pornographic movies. The scandal led to a series of resignations and some prosecutions.

  37. Miguel says:

    How much is a Second Class stamp? adapalene and clindamycin phosphate gel for acne Davis and his coauthors examined data from an ongoing annual government survey that asks randomly selected doctors representative of their areas to record their patient interactions in detail for one week.

  38. Gregorio says:

    I’m not working at the moment clomid et gonflement du ventre MLB has been investigating Bosch for about a year and has gained his cooperation in its attempt to determine how many players may have procured PEDs from him through his now-defunct anti-aging clinic. The Daily News first reported on Jan. 26 that MLB was investigating Bosch and his association with Rodriguez, whose $100-million contract with the Yankees could be in serious jeopardy if he is suspended before he opts for the physically unable to perform list and retirement.

  39. Denis says:

    Is it convenient to talk at the moment? imigran subject treatment pack Headed by Amanda Feilding, who is Countess of Wemyss and March but prefers not to use the title, the foundation has helped frame open letters published in national newspapers signed by past and present presidents, businessmen and other global leaders pushing the case for reform of the UN’s prohibitionist drugs conventions.

  40. Zoey says:

    Hello good day cost of nexium 20 mg Yields paid on Brazil’s interest-rate futures expiring inJanuary 2015, one of the most traded, jumped 18 basispoints to 10.32 percent on Monday, meaning some traders arestarting to bet that the bank could extend its monetarytightening cycle into 2014.

  41. Larry says:

    I’m sorry, I’m not interested boots pharmacy uk viagra
    “Sending a reporter to my late uncle's memorial crosses a line of common decency. I believe it a symptom of the culture and practices of both the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday,” Mr Miliband said.

  42. Alexis says:

    US dollars premarin without prescription A spike in bond yields in June, sparked by fears the U.S.Federal Reserve would cut back its quantitative easing efforts,put clients off issuing debt and equity. But Credit Suisse saidit has seen recent signs of its major markets stabilising, andan expected rise in interest rates should help profit margins.

  43. Brett says:

    How long have you lived here? erythromycin salbe kaufen GM’s drive to make Cadillac a global brand took shape afterthe company’s 2009 bankruptcy restructuring. In June, the No. 1U.S. automaker unveiled plans to expand its retail network inChina, the world’s largest car market.

  44. Sherman says:

    I saw your advert in the paper bimatoprost 0.01 bak
    For the full year, Tate is expected to post EPS of 60.1pence, with revenues estimated to be around 3.5 billion pounds($5.6 billion), according to Thomson Reuters forecasts. Tatetrades on a forward 12-month price-to-earnings ratio of 12.7times, compared with peers on 18 times, according to ThomsonReuters data.

  45. Perry says:

    I’m interested in prescription motrin strength
    Acting on an appeal by Microsoft, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit found that the ITC was correct in finding that Motorola Mobility, which has since been bought by Google, did not infringe three patents.

  46. Kurtis says:

    Insert your card diclofenac sodium topical gel cvs
    Monika Kosinska of the Civil Society Contact Group told euronews: “After almost five years now of frustration, the European civil society has decided that we are not happy with the decisions and conversations that are happening in our name, in the name of citizens from across the European Union.”

  47. Brianna says:

    I’d like to take the job quitting paxil success stories
    It outlined options such as restructuring outstanding debtto push principal payments into future years, permanentlyreducing the amount of principal, lowering interest rates orissuing new debt to provide cash recoveries to creditors.

  48. Stephen says:

    Hello good day buy cytotec pills online A prolonged delay in getting Healthcare.gov to work couldjeopardize White House efforts to sign up as many as 7 millionpeople in 2014, the first full year the law takes effect. Theadministration on Tuesday began what it has called a “techsurge,” bringing in experts led by the administration’s topeconomic aide Jeffrey Zients to analyze and fix the problems.

  49. Leopoldo says:

    Yes, I play the guitar buy allegra in bulk Ironically, the prices of flat-screen TVs, long a symbol ofJapan’s deflation, are bucking the downtrend. Prices, however,are rising because manufacturers are willing to sell less tomaintain their margins.

  50. Howard says:

    I can’t hear you very well cathay pharmacy los angeles “Naturally, if and when we identify suitable, productive footage, we will release this… in order to help with our investigation,” he told reportersn accompanied by the chairman of the centre, Ajaib Hussain. “We stand here together today appalled at the criminal behaviour of the individuals who last night tried to set fire to this building.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *