Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Benjamin says:

    I’ve lost my bank card longinexx feedback
    Inflation-protected gilts outperformed their conventionalcounterparts, returning 2.6 percent this year through yesterday,according to the Bank of America Merrill Lynch U.K. Inflation-Linked Gilt Index.

  2. Derek says:

    Have you got any ? cheap methotrexate The Commission said the overriding aim of the revisions wasto make the rules more consistent across all 28 EU member statesand ensure taxpayers were not left on the hook for problemscreated by bad decision-making in banks.

  3. Raymundo says:

    What university do you go to? pristiq for ocd Earlier on Tuesday, al-Maliki inspected military units near the Iraqi capital. According to a statement on his official website, al-Maliki said the Iraqi forces would “continue chasing the terrorists until they are eliminated from Iraq.”

  4. Dillon says:

    A Second Class stamp miracle burn 360 side effects
    It is the question every athlete or cyclist who achieves something out of the ordinary will be asked for now and probably ever more: Are you clean? Did you run the 100m at lightning speed without illegal aid? Did you scale that mountain dancing on your pedals without an unnatural high?

  5. Arthur says:

    I’ll put him on atrovent yahoo
    On Friday, Governor John Hickenlooper declared a disasteremergency for 14 counties, reaching from the Wyoming bordersouth to Colorado Springs. The declaration authorizes $6 millionin funds to pay for flood response and recovery.

  6. Ollie says:

    Languages clotrimazole troche uses LAUNCESTON, Australia, Feb 5 (Reuters) – Some people loveconspiracy theories and the latest is that the Australiancentral bank is deliberately weakening its currency to save thecountry’s big iron ore miners.

  7. Kevin says:

    Get a job zyban bodybuilding
    Regarding rumours about the use of dogs, a police spokesman said: “This would constitute a breach of a number of animal and wildlife protection laws but we do not have anything to suggest this is happening in connection with the cull.”

  8. Patrick says:

    I want to report a can you buy kamagra in singapore The framework is the most recent development following a push by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to provide more details about the economic aspects of rule proposals FINRA submits to the agency for approval. The SEC supervises FINRA and must review and approve all of its rule changes.

  9. Evan says:

    Through friends difference between promethazine dm syrup and promethazine with codeine
    Lockheed and the Pentagon announced an agreement inprinciple for the next 71 jets on July 30. Rear Admiral RandyMahr, deputy director of the Pentagon’s F-35 program office, hadtold reporters on Wednesday that he expected the contracts to bewrapped up within days.

  10. Caroline says:

    Pleased to meet you amitriptyline 10mg for shoulder pain Also weighing on the market was Coca-Cola Co, whichreported weaker-than-expected sales volumes due to ongoingeconomic malaise and unusually poor weather, sending its sharesdown more than 2 percent to $40.03.

  11. Rigoberto says:

    Have you got a telephone directory? what is the street value of robaxin Knight was taken to hospital on Tuesday shortly after pleading not guilty to murder, attempted murder and two counts of felony hit-and-run

  12. Roberto says:

    this post is fantastic private prescription cost amoxicillin “They said, ‘listen, we’re well armed too and we’ve got men out here and we can do the same. And we can sit here and occupy the oil fields if we want to as well. At some point we can all do the same. If everyone wants to just exert their power through the muzzle of a gun, it will be a free-for-all.”

  13. Jefferey says:

    Thanks funny site strattera 80 mg capsule “I knew that for our approach to the role of Holofernes, usually cast in Shakespeare productions as an older man, I wanted an actor teeming with invention that could help me reinterpret it,” says Alex Timbers, who’s directing the production.

  14. Genesis says:

    Get a job flucloxacilline mylan en alcohol Shervin, 20, left his hometown in Iran, a Kurdish majority city near the Iraq border, in October 2011. As a gay man, it wasn’t only imprisonment or execution that he feared, but the possibility that he might be forced to become a woman.

  15. Lamar says:

    Excellent work, Nice Design vitex for period cramps Button, 2009 Formula One World Champion, was shown the starting procedure by a McLaren technician; or rather the starting procedure if you want to engage “race” mode, which drops the ride height and sets the scare factor to 11.

  16. Kimberly says:

    How much is a First Class stamp? can a baby have tylenol and ibuprofen at the same time So, what will the impact be? Andrea Robertson, who is in charge of clearing for Ucas (the university admissions service), is optimistic that this year will be another good one for clearing and, importantly, more straightforward than the past few. “Last year was so unpredictable because it was the first year with the new controls,” she says. “This year, having gone through that process once, universities and colleges are used to that factor.”

  17. Nestor says:

    This is the job description nizagara Once a relatively affluent part of the USSR, with independence Georgia lost the cheap energy to which it had access in the Soviet period. As relations between Georgia and Russia deteriorated, Moscow did not flinch from tightening the economic screws, and the rupturing of trading ties caused the Georgian economy to nose-dive.

  18. Barton says:

    A few months does clarithromycin treat strep throat In the testimony, Orr said there have been generaldiscussions of finding other ways to monetize the works,including leasing some art. Orr said there was preliminarydiscussion of a potential $1 million lease payment, but statedhe could not estimate the potential revenue stream moreprecisely.

  19. Edmund says:

    Could I have , please? sleepwell impressions pillow price “The furlough will hit home,” said Michael Bloom, an adviser on sustainability and green buildings at the General Services Administration in Chicago, who is the main earner in a family of four. “We are OK if the shutdown lasts a couple days, but if it lasts two weeks, that missing paycheck is a mortgage payment.”

  20. Armand says:

    About a year clindamycin phosphate gel during pregnancy
    Due to the war, vaccination rates have dropped drastically from 95 percent in 2010 to around 45 percent in 2012. On top of these dips, at least one third of the public hospitals within the nation have closed with around 70 percent of medical personal fleeing the country. All of these factors contribute to the rising numbers of medical cases, such as measles, hepatitis A and typhoid.

  21. Keith says:

    We’ll need to take up references vigrex Jarome Iginla, still looking for his first goal with his new team, led the B’s with 11 shots taken, five of which hit the net. On the two-man advantage the winger seemed to be firing one-timers at will, but he came up empty.

  22. Jerrold says:

    I’d like to open a personal account generic xenical available HRW said many of the dead had been executed by militant groups, some linked to al Qaeda, who overran army positions at dawn on August 4 and then moved into 10 villages nearby where members of President Bashar al-Assad’s Alawite sect lived.

  23. Shirley says:

    I’m happy very good site seroquel 25 prospekts Ellison’s immersion in yachting has sometimes raised questions among analysts whether he is allowing his outside interests to distract him from running the software company that he co-founded 36 years ago. Ellison, 69, still owns a 25 percent stake in Oracle, accounting for most of a personal fortune currently estimated at $41 billion by Forbes magazine.

  24. Antony says:

    Can I use your phone? st. vincent medical center bridgeport ct “Israel is clearly falling behind the U.S. in the relativelevel of biotechnology investments,” Sela said. “The Israeligovernment needs to continue to intervene in order to create theright ecosystem for Israeli biotech companies to flourish andprosper, as it did with the venture capital industry in theearly ’90s.” (Reporting by Tova Cohen)

  25. Quentin says:

    We’ll need to take up references brand viagra fast shipping We’ve seen how much this generation of players despises illegal PED users; Red Sox players Jonny Gomes and John Lackey are among those who have publicly questioned why A-Rod gets to stay on the field during his appeal. However, there’s still nothing that can top throwing your fellow players under the bus. Especially a teammate.

  26. Lily says:

    I’d like a phonecard, please nizoral not in stores 2013 While he has been in charge, CEZ’s shares soared from 150crowns to a peak of 1,435 in 2007, also due to a rise in powerprices. But the stock has since dropped back as some foreignacquisitions lagged expectations and power prices fell. Theprice was 510 crowns on Thursday.

  27. Marlon says:

    US dollars wormx albendazole “As part of the ordinary course of legal proceedings, Wal-Mart filed an initial response yesterday to the lawsuit that included facts and defenses that may impact the case moving forward,” said spokeswoman Brooke Buchanan

  28. Timothy says:

    What’s the interest rate on this account? in welchen lndern ist levitra rezeptfrei “Melati can be a very nervous animal and we didn’t want to risk putting her on edge by changing her surroundings or routines, in case she abandoned or attacked the cub. At the time we thought it was in the best interests of Melati and her cub to allow her continued access to the full enclosure as normal.

  29. Cesar says:

    I sing in a choir losartan pot tab 100mg In Tripoli, a crowd stormed JCP headquarters before heading on to ransack the headquarters of the liberal National Forces Alliance (NFA), the country’s biggest political party founded by wartime rebel prime minister Mahmoud Jibril.

  30. Winford says:

    very best job prescription propecia uk Tuition plus room and board at Dean runs close to $50,000, and the supplementary services can tack on another $7,000 or more. The college runs a handsome but no-frills campus, which Rooney says lets it give most students financial aid.

  31. Abigail says:

    Where are you from? ursodiol suspension for cats Specifically, said lead researcher Kathleen Vohs, a consumer psychologist and professor of marketing at the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management, they wanted to see if there were any positive effects of working in a messy environment.

  32. Giuseppe says:

    No, I’m not particularly sporty getting off geodon The problem has hurt China’s economic competitiveness too, with many foreign companies finding it hard to entice executives to accept appointments in Beijing or other Chinese cities with notorious air pollution problems.

  33. Loren says:

    Could I borrow your phone, please? clomid cost in uk Buying relatively safe haven stock markets of Korea andbonds with short maturities rather than venturing into theriskier, heavily foreign-owned markets of Indonesia and Indiastill remained the flavor of the day, according to a trader.

  34. Clayton says:

    There’s a three month trial period dapoxetine + tadalafil But major policy shifts seem unlikely because thecentre-left SPD, whose campaign stalled after a gaffe-pronestart by its lead candidate Peer Steinbrueck, agrees with thethrust of Merkel’s approach even as it accuses her of weakleadership.

  35. Emily says:

    What university do you go to? neonatal tyrosinemia symptoms That places them well ahead of Google, and just two thousand short of Microsoft’s full-time employee roster. News of the additional expansion comes only days before President Obama is scheduled to visit one of Amazon’s fulfillment centers in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Coincidence? We think not.

  36. Buford says:

    Where do you study? captopril 50 mg preo Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose are set to become husband and wife. The ‘Black and Yellow’ rapper took to Twitter on March 1 to announce his girlfriend of two years, model Amber Rose, had accepted his marriage proposal. ‘She Said Yes!!!’ he wrote, sharing a photo of Rose’s left hand adorned with a stunning diamond ring. ‘He has made me the happiest woman in the world!’ Rose, 28, tweeted minutes later.

  37. Alphonse says:

    I’d like to withdraw $100, please ciprofloxacin 500mg price philippines “BT doesn’t look like our big, friendly, cuddly telecom company,” said Corbett. “It looks muchmore akin to a predatory organisation [that is] going to go after [local providers and communityprojects] like a vampire death squid.”

  38. Clyde says:

    Where did you go to university? price of diflucan The Spanish government, which Wahl said estimates the amount of the levies at 13 billion euros ($18 billion), has asked the court to avoid making the judgment retroactive if it finds that the tax does in fact breach EU law.

  39. Monty says:

    I’m interested in this position venlafaxine buy online uk My first celebrity client was Tom Petty – I got him ready for his tour. At one point, my day was pretty interesting. I had Tom, Billy Idol, Annie Lennox, Stephen Stills and Stevie Nicks. So I had all these rockers during the 70s and 80s, and my job was to keep them healthy and fit. I later met Carl Daikeler, the CEO of Beachbody, and did the “Great Body Guaranteed!” routine with him. He said I should make a video of the other program I was doing, and we decided to call it Power 90. Life changed pretty dramatically after that.

  40. Earle says:

    Where do you live? cost of 100 mg viagra tablets As with every other turbo-diesel on the planet, the EcoDiesel V-6’s calling card is torque, and lots of it—in this case 420 lb-ft, available from 2000 rpm. We drove both on- and off-road north of Los Angeles in a well-equipped (estimated price: $39,940) Ram 1500 2WD crew cab with mid-level Lone Star trim. The truck likely tipped the scales just shy of 6000 pounds, yet the winsome combination of a wide-ratio eight-speed automatic transmission and generous low- and mid-range grunt delivered ample acceleration and flexibility.

  41. Herschel says:

    An accountancy practice cyproheptadine rite aid Although Burns opened her eyes at the last minute, saving herself from the organ harvest procedure, she committed suicide in 2011. The family never sued, and family members told the Syracuse Post-Standard that Burns was too depressed to be upset about what happened to her at St. Joseph’s.

  42. Irving says:

    I really like swimming risque viagra generique “It’s always sad and shocking when we discover that someone used a charity as their own personal piggy bank — but even more so when that scheme involves someone well-respected in government and his community,” said state Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, whose office is prosecuting the case.

  43. Garth says:

    How much notice do you have to give? where can i buy tretinoin in the uk “Home prices still have a long way to go before home prices are back to levels that predated the collapse of the housing market,” Thomas Simons, a money market economist at Jefferies, wrote in a note to clients.

  44. Vaughn says:

    Remove card nexium esomeprazole side effects and canada “The first of these provisions is very vague, and is not defined in the legislation. This allows for broad interpretation by the FTP Committee, and could lead to anti-competitive practices,” the CA says.

  45. Brendan says:

    Free medical insurance isotretinoin gel price “Some children are easy-peasy, no trouble at all, while some come with the odd problem or two, and keep me on my toes. Quite a few of them, too, are used to having maids and servants at home. One girl had never been in a kitchen, for example, and was fascinated by our bin; she kept opening it up and looking inside – she just didn’t know what it was for!”

  46. Federico says:

    I’m a partner in fosamax alendronate sodium tablets price Milwaukee Brewers slugger Ryan Braun, the 2011 National League Most Valuable Player and another target of baseball’s investigation, has already been interviewed as MLB winds down its investigation into one of the biggest steroid scandals in baseball history. Braun according to a source, declined to answer questions in the June 29 interview, a precedent set by Ferguson Jenkins, who was arrested in 1980 in Toronto on cocaine, hashish and marijuana charges but declined to answer questions when summoned to commissioner Bowie Kuhn’s office. Kuhn suspended Jenkins without pay, invoking the best interests of baseball clause, but an arbitrator overturned the suspension.

  47. Demarcus says:

    How do you do? reglan and anesthesia The Civic Type-R could be the beginning of an entirely new era of Honda tuning and affordable performance

  48. Josiah says:

    Is there ? repaglinide yahoo answers
    Dr Paul Cosford, medical director at PHE, said: “We have worked hard to identify women in England who might have been at risk of contracting infection with Hepatitis C from this healthcare worker and are contacting them to offer advice and a blood test for Hepatitis C, should they wish to have one.

  49. Jacques says:

    What’s the interest rate on this account? is motrin the same as ibuprofen “She was so beautiful, and people gasped when he got down on one knee,” said Francis, who was sitting 200 yards away. “I believe Kanye is a genius, I do. He got all these high-profile people to San Francisco, to hotels and moved them all around without anyone tweeting sightings. We were all sworn to radio silence.”

  50. Salvatore says:

    Who’s calling? can you get zofran in the uk Shares of Tesla Motors Inc jumped 15 percent to$154.25 in premarket trading a day after the electric car makerposted an unexpected quarterly profit. The stock has been amajor momentum favorite this year, up almost 300 percent in2013.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *