Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Henry says:

    Could you tell me my balance, please? virilis pro australia
    For a more real-world simulation, the researchers then analyzed blood samples stored from feverish people who had come to the emergency room — and who were eventually diagnosed, the old-fashioned way, with either some type of virus or a bacterial infection.

  2. Alonzo says:

    What’s the current interest rate for personal loans? aldactone price philippines But few expect BHP to scrap its push into potash. It hasalready invested $2 billion and dropping it would mean giving upa lucrative profit stream in future decades as developingcountries begin to feed themselves better.

  3. Roosevelt says:

    I’m in a band what is vigora tablet According to a police report sent to FOX411, once there, Anna smashed his computer with a metal baton and wore an ammo belt, which police later found when they searched her. They also found that she had a knife with her.

  4. Dusty says:

    Looking for a job cost of lipitor prescription “IBM remains committed to providing enterprise-level secureand robust cloud solutions and looks forward to a renewedopportunity to show our capabilities to fulfill the requirementsof this important agency,” he added.

  5. Taylor says:

    I’d like to withdraw $100, please download fate hollow ataraxia android The big news out of Hassan Rouhani’s charm offensive was that the Iranian president of smiling visage and urbane demeanor had turned away from the anti-Semitic Holocaust denials of predecessor Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who called the murder of 6 million Jews “a lie and a mythical claim.”

  6. Murray says:

    We were at school together voltaren forte tablete 100mg Mr Hackett said: “There needs to be greater governance of social networks. Especially with the likes of Facebook and Twitter, we feel there should be greater legal obligation to do an annual external audit which would tell us how much abuse had been reported and what the response had been.” More than two thirds of those who completed the survey, which was circulated on the teenage social network website Habbo Hotel, were British. Of the rest, 4 per cent were Australian, 12 per cent were from the USA, and a small number were from elsewhere. The results give an indication of the global scale of the problem. Ian Rivers, a psychologist and professor of human development at Brunel University, said that better education was needed to deal with the problem. “If so many young people are experiencing this then there must be a degree of reciprocation. I think we need to teach ‘netiquette’ in schools because learning how to communicate  with each other properly is a really important way to prevent bullying.”

  7. Gilberto says:

    I can’t get through at the moment more effective protonix or prilosec Holding signs that read “The whole world is watching” and “Back turned, don’t shoot,” protesters in front of North Charleston’s city hall said Scott’s death should not be viewed as an isolated incident.

  8. Darrick says:

    Cool site goodluck 🙂 maplemedicine.net “Saudi Arabia … is refraining from taking membership of the U.N. Security Council until it has reformed so it can effectively and practically perform its duties and discharge its responsibilities in maintaining international security and peace,” said a Foreign Ministry statement.

  9. Emilio says:

    I’d like to take the job buy generic propecia in usa The two leaders in the field to succeed Mayor Thomas Menino are City Councilor-at-large John Connolly, who had the support of 12 percent of likely voters, and State Representative Martin Walsh, who had 11 percent support in the poll, released late on Tuesday.

  10. Maria says:

    This site is crazy 🙂 overnight neurontin “Glee” star Lea Michele, who was dating Monteith in an off-screen romance at the time of his death, appeared near the end of the hour-long episode, singing the Bob Dylan song, “Make You Feel My Love” while tears streamed down her face. Her character, Rachel Berry, had dated Finn on the show.

  11. Ivory says:

    I’m not interested in football para que sirve himcolin “I saw a Michael that frightened me, a Michael that was shivering and cold,” Ortega told the jury hearing a wrongful death lawsuit brought by Michael’s mom and kids against concert promoter AEG Live.

  12. Shaun says:

    I hate shopping bristol pharmaceuticals uk She can’t wait to inves­ti­gate. “I started to get inter­ested in the idea that every­thing in the uni­verse was made up of this small set of ele­men­tary par­ti­cles and that blew my mind,” said Ori­moto, recalling the moment in the 1990s when sci­en­tists announced the dis­covery of the top quark, the heav­iest of the ele­men­tary par­ti­cles in the Stan­dard Model. “And it hasn’t stopped blowing my mind.”

  13. Darrell says:

    A law firm sevedol tense contraindicaciones PAYDAY lenders face a crackdown from financial regulators with tougher rules that will stop loans being granted in minutes and make it harder for companies to take money out of customers’ bank accounts.

  14. Melanie says:

    When can you start? orange triad oximega greens Peyton Manning played the first 1½ quarters and threw an 11-yard touchdown to Wes Welker, and Von Miller played briefly after missing his first training camp practice Thursday to consult with the union’s lawyers over his appeal of his suspension.

  15. Emmitt says:

    Until August is there a generic for trileptal “Of course as we move forward, there has to be removal of sanctions and in the end game there has to be a total lifting of all sanctions and both bilateral sanctions, unilateral sanctions as well as multilateral sanctions and U.N. sanctions and we hope to be able to move in that direction within a short span of time.”

  16. Everett says:

    Could you ask her to call me? legal buy prozac online “At this stage, we might have to add air pollution, even at current concentrations, to the list of causes of lung cancer and recognize that air pollution has large effects on public health,” Takashi Yorifuji of the Okayama University Graduate School of Environmental and Life Science in Japan and Saori Kashima of Hiroshima University wrote in comments on the study, published in the Lancet medical journal.

  17. Barrett says:

    What university do you go to? recommended lexapro dosage for ocd Juror B29 agreed with B37 that the case was never about race, despite accusations by the prosecution that Zimmerman had profiled Martin when he called police to report someone acting suspiciously in the community near Orlando.

  18. Rodolfo says:

    Could you give me some smaller notes? amoxicillin 125 mg suspension The nation has been buzzing with speculation that Marina Berlusconi will step in as her father’s political heiress ever since the supreme court last week confirmed the three-time former premier’s tax fraud conviction, jail sentence and ban from politics.

  19. Nogood87 says:

    I’d like to tell you about a change of address avanafil usp monograph “We tried as hard as we could to replicate the original published results using the methods described and were unable to detect these cells in either the bone marrow or the blood of laboratory mice,” said lead author Irving Weissman, who directs Stanford's Institute for Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine.

  20. John says:

    I came here to work cialis knockoffs “The PMI data has pushed the euro up,” said Chris Walker,currency strategist at Barclays. “But we are still short eurosas ultimately euro/dollar is a relative monetary policy play. Arise above $1.33 is a sell.”

  21. Lloyd says:

    Other amount adalat movie mp3 song downloadming Jagland did not fix blame on who used the weaponry and who were its victims. Assad claims the rebels fighting his regime are responsible. A U.N. investigation has made no determination of who is to blame, but investigators for the USA, France and Israel have said there was no doubt that Assad’s regime, which admits it has stocks of such weapons, is responsible.

  22. Rachel says:

    I’ve lost my bank card macrobid precio
    At a California senate committee hearing in May, several senators expressed concern over shielding manufacturers and suppliers from lawsuits, saying customers should assume the equipment functions correctly and should have redress if it doesn’t.

  23. Antonio says:

    Until August naprosyn e 375 mg
    “It would be very difficult to identify a single investigator in the life sciences whose work did not receive support from the National Institutes of Health, the National Science Foundation or another U.S. governmental agency,” says Peter Agre, the 64-year-old Johns Hopkins professor who won the Nobel for chemistry in 2003.

  24. Greenwood says:

    Through friends is clomid safe to get pregnant The five partners are John Doerr, Ted Schlein, RandyKomisar, Beth Seidenberg and Mike Abbott, the memo said. Abbottis the newest of the group, having joined Kleiner two years agofrom Twitter, where he was vice president of engineering. Thenews was first reported by Fortune.

  25. Roscoe says:

    I hate shopping viagra 100mg 12 stck preis Find production volumes for the global electric vehicle passenger car market by OEM from 2000 to 2009 in this latest report. It provides a review of the latest technological developments and market tr…

  26. Johnson says:

    What’s the exchange rate for euros? amitriptyline 25 mg indications As well as Mr Johnson, other famous faces taking part in Sunday's race include rugby World Cup winner Matt Dawson, two-time Olympic rowing champion James Cracknell, former Olympic champion hurdler Sally Gunnell and actor Gary Kemp.

  27. Cordell says:

    Could I have a statement, please? depo medrol decadron injections The part of the protoplanetary disk in which our planet formed was too hot for liquid or ice water to exist, and so the planet was born dry

  28. Connie says:

    I don’t know what I want to do after university mist tilata cialista The emergency debate was convened following a call from Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso to Parliament President Martin Schulz warning that the EU may default on its bills by mid-November unless it received extra funding from national governments.

  29. Eugenio says:

    Just over two years how much does effexor cost at walmart “Malcolm has been banished from the mirror by this new doctor who would certainly not put up with Malcolm’s language or attitudes to the world,” Capaldi said at the end of a live show announcing the name of the new Doctor that was shown on BBC channels around the world.

  30. Shaun says:

    What do you do for a living? nexium informatii The couple has been charged with illegally obtaining official documents such as birth records. The man also faces separate charges, together with other people from the settlement, for allegedly possessing an illegal firearm and drug-related offenses.

  31. Dewayne says:

    I’d like some euros orexis uk
    ** Federal regulators removed a roadblock to drugmakerActavis Inc’s purchase of Warner Chilcott Plc after Actavis agreed to sell all rights and assets related tothree oral contraceptives and an osteoporosistreatment.

  32. Freelove says:

    A Second Class stamp o que é xytomax The Braves mustered two hits against Kyle Lohse in a 4-0 loss at Turner Field that dropped the Braves to a half-game behind St. Louis for best record in the National League, with four games left in the season. They’ve been shut out four times in their past 10 home games.

  33. Lindsey says:

    We’ll need to take up references testofen uk He has already been in touch with the European Commission and is due to meet with the Department for Education, having written a paper for the children’s minister, Edward Timpson, on the subject – something which Timpson has expressed “strong interest” in.

  34. Brett says:

    Could I take your name and number, please? clomipramine hydrochloride cost “The entire Grand Prix of America team is thrilled to join the 2014 FIA calendar and we look forward to bringing world-class Formula One racing to New Jersey,” race promoter Leo Hindery, Jr. said in a statement.

  35. Ervin says:

    I’m training to be an engineer side effects of prescription zantac Instead, she and her two older brothers and her parents will go to morning prayers with an estimated 5,000 others at the sprawling Maryland SoccerPlex in nearby Gaithersburg. After prayers, they’ll mingle with friends, pass out toys to kids, and then families will head home or out to eat to fuel up for a day full of visiting relatives, exchanging gifts, more prayers, and more eating.

  36. Hassan says:

    Have you got a current driving licence? does lexapro affect milk supply Ton Baltissen, researcher at Wageningen University and Research Centre, in the Netherlands, who works in the Applied plant research (PPO) department, gives youris.com the low down on the advantages of relying on software …

  37. Darryl says:

    I’m doing an internship nhs drugs price list Positioned throughout the 90,000-square-foot (8,361-square-meter) building housing Atlantis are interactive exhibits, shuttle hardware, films and other displays that include darker tales, including the shuttle’s tortured 12-year development program and the two ships lost in accidents that claimed 14 lives.

  38. Garry says:

    I’m sorry, he’s tudorhealth.co.uk So things in Atlanta could be looking up. But like all of his first-year coaching peers in a rebuilding situation, Buzenholzer needs two things in the worst way to succeed. The first is time. The second? A flat-out superstar.

  39. Vicente says:

    Languages what is lisinopril 20/hctz 12.5 used to treat The Daily News has some of the most memorable photos in sports history. From legendary boxers and iconic tennis players to golfing greats and fabled Olympians, the Daily News has the photos you want of the once-in-a-lifetime sports moments. Find yours today and relive history.

  40. Casey says:

    I came here to work can you get high on zyrtec syrup AMCU’s turf war with NUM rumbles on and members of bothunions are still being killed, though it is not clear if theseare all linked to union rivalry or to criminal activity in acountry with sky-high rates of violent crime.

  41. Raymond says:

    I’d like a phonecard, please voltaren max 100g cena ziko “We have one hell of a battle on our hands here but stranger things have happened in sport,” he said on day eight . “I’ve witnessed some pretty big comebacks and it’s never over until it’s over. This team will fight the whole way to the end and we will never give up.

  42. Lauren says:

    Which university are you at? methylprednisolone dose pack 4mg weight gain The Tour of Poland was his first competitive action since May, and he rounded out the race by claiming the 37km time trial from Wieliczka to Krakow in 46:36, 56 seconds ahead of RadioShack’s Swiss Fabian Cancellara.

  43. Dominick says:

    Best Site good looking ciprofloxacin 500 mg “It was … very encouraging to see how much the Department of Justice is strategizing and positioning itself to be a real force combating racial discrimination,” Barbara Arnwine, the president of the Lawyers’ Committee on Civil Rights Under Law, told reporters.

  44. Damien says:

    Photography instagram post size Later, spokesmen for ranking House member Orrin Hatch of Utah and Ways and Means Chairman Dave Camp of Michigan issued a joint statement saying,“There has been far too much special treatment for politically-favored friends of ObamaCare.  But when it comes to employers and taxpayers picking up the health care tab for labor unions – it appears that is a price that is simply too high.

  45. Nicole says:

    We work together coupon for prilosec otc In the 1996 he accepted the even more daunting challenge of filling the shoes vacated by Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck as lead guitarist with The Yardbirds, after the group was reconstituted by two of its original members, drummer Jim McCarty and rhythm guitarist Chris Dreja. Other members included lead vocalist John Idan and percussionist Alan Glen.

  46. Roscoe says:

    What company are you calling from? amitriptyline 50 mg for dogs Healthcare conglomerate J&J said in January it would explorestrategic alternatives for the unit and cautioned that theprocess could take anywhere from about 12 to 24 months. It askedJPMorgan Chase & Co to run the sale of the unit, peoplefamiliar told Reuters earlier this month.

  47. Goodsam says:

    What do you like doing in your spare time? proventil inhaler costs In July, BP’s case in that trial was seen by legal experts to have won an edge when Halliburton, the company that did the cement work on the Macondo well, pleaded guilty to destroying evidence that might support BP’s case for being no more than negligent, as opposed to grossly negligent.

  48. Randy says:

    Other amount taxotere cytoxan side effects * Investor Carl Icahn has grabbed a stake valued at over$1.5 billion in Apple Inc believing that more cashshould be falling from the tech giant’s branches. While Appleearlier this year announced a large buyback, Icahn said in aninterview on Tuesday that he wants to see it happen right away,near the current share price, which he considers cheap. ()

  49. Irwin says:

    I like it a lot tahitensis vanille Considering how many people are named Miller, it’s a safe bet you could look through the phone book, call any of them at random and get a more entertaining story than the one we get in CBS’ new sitcom “The Millers.”

  50. Gabriel says:

    Is there ? kamagra oral jelly originale At least one state-owned refiner has complained to localauthorities that some of the biodiesel shipped in contains a farlower biofuel component than what is required by Chinese customslaw, a source close to the matter said.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *