Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Jasmine says:

    Go travelling avapro price comparison Malaysian government-linked Employees Provident Fund, alongwith Malaysian conglomerate Sime Darby Bhd andproperty developer SP Setia Bhd, is raising a roughly 790million pound ($1.23 billion) financing related to its purchaseof London’s Battersea Power Station.

  2. Dalton says:

    I’m in a band buy ursodeoxycholic Welden’s attorney, Tom Foster of Tampa, told ABC News, “Mr. Weldon has pled guilty and accepted responsibility for what he did, providing the pills.” Welden agreed to plead guilty in exchange with the dismissal of the first-degree murder charge and lesser charges, he said.

  3. Rebecca says:

    Good crew it’s cool 🙂 bisacodyl suppositories dose He was indicted by the Montgomery County (Texas) grand jury, charged with reckless or negligent injury to a child after beating his 4-year-old son with a small tree branch, leaving bloody cuts, welts and bruises on the boy’s legs and buttocks

  4. Jimmi says:

    Get a job viagra sin prescripcion por venta
    The resulting film, by director Fabien Constant, chronicles the launch of Roitfeld’s magazine “CR Fashion Book,” and in the process, gives the viewer rare glimpses behind the scenes with some of the most famous bold face names in fashion.

  5. Ahmad says:

    I can’t get through at the moment where can i buy prednisone for my dog The bondholder group, which is advised by investment bankMoelis, represents institutions owning about 43 percent of thebank’s lower Tier 2 bonds. It built up large enough positions ontranches of Co-op Bank’s debt to block the deal proposed by theCo-op Group, Britain’s biggest customer-owned business.

  6. Kelly says:

    Could I take your name and number, please? how much does tamoxifen cost uk MEXICO CITY, Sept 23 (Reuters) – Mexico’s state oil monopolyPemex expects to add 40,000 barrels per day of capacity by 2018at its No.2 refinery, under a $3.5-billion expansion plannedwith construction firm ICA Fluor.

  7. Erwin says:

    I’ve been made redundant traxxas rustler vxl gearing 31 76 Schultz says media access to the president’s fundraisers has improved greatly since Obama took office because reporters get to hear him deliver prepared remarks at private homes

  8. Zoe says:

    I need to charge up my phone cost of aricept in canada Ignazio Visco, head of the Bank of Italy, said the weakeconomy continued to pose risks for the banks and that theirdifficulties would not easily be solved so that pressure on themto curb lending would continue.

  9. Gregory says:

    I’ve come to collect a parcel medrol 4 mg therapy pack Officials working on the sites have acknowledged thatinformation technology (IT) failures will prevent many of themfrom functioning fully for weeks, and perhaps longer. That willslow the government’s drive to enroll millions of uninsuredAmericans under President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform lawstarting Tuesday.

  10. Filiberto says:

    History primex testo max reviews It will become Christians on the Left. Lord Soper, the prominent Methodist, was the chairman of the movement until he became its president in 1975, while John Smith, the late Labour leader, was a member.

  11. Philip says:

    Could you tell me the number for ? buy valtrex Disease transmission from transplanted organs is rare, according to Dr. Michael Green, chairman of the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network and United Network for Organ Sharing’s Ad Hoc Disease Transmission Committee.

  12. Isaiah says:

    I’m on work experience flagyl alcohol contraindications We use this money to buy eggs to stock the lake, and to pay everyone who is part of the collective a daily wage,” she adds.

  13. Derick says:

    What sort of music do you listen to? multiple doses of methotrexate for ectopic pregnancy Analyst Kevin Whyte at VTB Capital said chances of a dealwere growing but: “There are three obstacles – finding a priceto satisfy the buyer and seller, finding financing, and that thedeal would only make sense if the person is sure they can make adeal with the somewhat unpredictable Belarussian side.”

  14. Florentino says:

    I’m sorry, she’s best place to buy finasteride uk With runners on second and third in the 11th, Crawford made a diving stop on Marlon Byrd’s grounder and recovered for a perfect throw from the outfield grass. In the 12th, Sandoval snagged Omar Quintanilla’s liner at third and threw to first to get Kirk Nieuwenhuis for a double play.

  15. Daniel says:

    Could you please repeat that? acyclovir 800 mg – 90 tabs Knox can live in cloud cuckoo land if she wishes, it will not get her anywhere. Here in the real world, the Italian Supreme Court has solid forensic evidence against her and Sollecito, and solid circumstantial evidence against the pair of them also.

  16. Robby says:

    We’d like to invite you for an interview buy theophylline Saudi Arabia remains a relatively closed society; gendermixing is restricted to a tight circle of relatives and familyfriends, and direct criticism of the ruling family or powerfulconservative clergy is frowned upon. Morality police patrol thekingdom’s few public spaces such as shopping malls to enforcerigid social rules.

  17. Angelina says:

    How do I get an outside line? metaxalone usos Arkansas, Colorado, Missouri and Virginia are in the process of adopting their own performance-based funding, “and several additional states have had discussions or hearings about the topic,” S&P said.

  18. Adam says:

    Jonny was here clotrimazole pessary pregnancy category International Bat Night takes place 24-25 August 2013 and is an annual event designed to champion the often misunderstood mammals.Test your knowledge of bats in the UK and further afield with our quiz.

  19. Lynwood says:

    How do you do? norfloxacin dose medscape A third do not have anti virus software on their computers, almost a fifth have left e-mails logged in. A similar number have clicked ‘remember me’ when logging into a site for the first time, and almost one in ten admit that everyone can view their social media account, which can contain details like date of birth and address, as they have no privacy settings in place.

  20. Dylan says:

    this post is fantastic can you buy nolvadex australia State media reported that the gunmen fired on the aid convoy, claiming they came from an “terrorist group” – a term which usually refers to rebels trying to topple President al-Assad’s government.

  21. Tracey says:

    Where did you go to university? buy wellbutrin xl online from canada
    How? Obamacare directed Medicare, the nation’s largest health insurer, to change its fee-for-service payment system, which tends to promote more tests and treatments when less care (or more preventive care, or better-coordinated care) would often produce better results at a lower cost.

  22. Everett says:

    I’d like to send this parcel to bystolic 5 mg tablet picture The missions usually are led by the Air Force’s pararescue jumpers, or PJs, who undergo extensive training to be able to find, rescue and provide medical treatment to aircrew members behind enemy lines or at sea.

  23. Ramon says:

    A First Class stamp what store can i buy zithromax “This team is a resilient team. Their head coach is a resilient guy,” Schiano defiantly said after another last-second defeat against the Saints Sunday. “I understand there will be a huge contingent that will make it difficult for us to do that.”

  24. Valeria says:

    We’d like to invite you for an interview buy tacrolimus Air Force Lieutenant General Chris Bogdan told the annualAir Force Association conference that the F-35 program wasmaking slow but steady progress, and that he saw strong supportfrom the U.S. military services and foreign partners.

  25. Lionel says:

    A book of First Class stamps amoxil capsules uses The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what’s in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

  26. Bradley says:

    About a year como crear una revista digital en indesign After meeting with investors in New York he said thegovernment could make some adjustments to the current roadconcession contracts after there were no bidders for a keyhighway tender earlier this month.

  27. Alphonso says:

    How many days will it take for the cheque to clear? vitanica candidastat reviews Although the size of the stake being sold is lower than someanalysts had expected, it is still comfortably above that of theRoyal Mail, which is expected to raise between 2 and 3 billionpounds in its upcoming privatisation.

  28. Gerardo says:

    I’d like some euros adalat o ekti meye online Currency traders contacted by Reuters said it was unsurprising that dealers tried to profit from advance knowledgeof client orders but given the size of the market, manipulatingthe benchmarks would be difficult unless the trader had a verylarge order or was dealing in two rarely traded currencies.

  29. Douglass says:

    Will I get paid for overtime? danazol tablete cena Rene Tkacik, 44, was working on a Crossrail site in central London on 7 March last year when the wet concrete poured down on him, after which he lay unconscious for 15 minutes before medical staff arrived, St Pancras Coroner's Court heard.

  30. Layla says:

    I saw your advert in the paper genf20 plus doctor reviews “I firmly believe I never had too much of an opportunity after I left Cleveland,” Hillis said. “I was behind Jamaal Charles at Kansas City. I didn’t get too much playing time. I felt when I got in I did well. And then I was in Tampa and never really got to touch the field because of Doug Martin. He’s pretty good.”

  31. Delmer says:

    What’s the last date I can post this to to arrive in time for Christmas? how many mg of seroquel will get you high
    Comparable-store sales rose 4 percent in the quarter,topping analysts’ expectation of an increase of 3 percent,according to Thomson Reuters I/B/E/S. (Reporting by Siddharth Cavale in Bangalore; Editing bySaumyadeb Chakrabarty)

  32. Ashley says:

    Have you got any ? review elavil On Thursday, meanwhile, Sky Sports News brought us “92 Live”, in which it visited all 92 league clubs in a day. It was an attempt to demonstrate its unstinting passion for football, it did not quite have the desired effect.

  33. Elvis says:

    I’d like to pay this cheque in, please buy levothyroxine The mayor said he agreed with a scathing assessment of Orrby Kriss Andrews, who was forced out of his job as the city’sprogram manager in July. In an email cited in the deposition,Andrews concluded that Orr was “embarrassingly incompetent andonly listened to his equally incompetent staff…” when it cameto the operation of Detroit.

  34. Jayson says:

    very best job essential cultures probiotics
    Sandy and Lonnie Phillips, who lost their daughter Jessica Ghawi, 24, in the massacre at the Aurora, Colo., movie theater, returned to Capitol Hill today for the first time since the background check bill failed last April.

  35. Giuseppe says:

    I can’t get a signal do you give dogs aspirin or tylenol I had sprouting beans and seeds with miso aubergine, crispy citrus chicken skin and potato water (£6). Obediently, I had the suggested cocktail, a cedar-wood lemonade (£7.50), comprising fino sherry that had been wholly denatured by a combination of dilution and citrus, rendering it an unusual mix of tart and boring. Oh, my sprouting beans – I suppose I hoped that they wouldn’t taste like a 1980s health-fest, and the aubergine would be slick with Middle Eastern loveliness rather than a wet mush of good intentions. And, naturally, I hoped that the chicken skin would taste of chicken – lovely fowl crisps, if you like. None of that was realised. The chicken skin was eerily thin and papery and tasted of nothing.

  36. Norberto says:

    this is be cool 8) weight gain coming off celexa Costa Cruises, owned by the American-based Carnival Corp, the world’s largest cruise operator, itself avoidedcriminal prosecution by agreeing to pay a 1 million euro ($1.35million) fine last year. Victims are now seeking damages in acivil case.

  37. Solomon says:

    I need to charge up my phone comprar priligy generico espao-a Billionaire Ergen has turned his focus to LightSquared afterbowing out of a takeover fight for another wireless company,Sprint Corp, which agreed to a deal with Japan’s SoftBank Corp.Ergen increased his bid for LightSquared to $2.2 billion lastmonth.

  38. Mervin says:

    good material thanks accutane 20 mg day results It was like dinner parties I’ve attended at the homes of girlfriends, only this one was slightly different. It was a pot party — a cannabis consumption party, meaning the food was infused with or made with marijuana.

  39. Claud says:

    I’ll put her on buy zyrtec australia “The quality of the pasture, the plants the animals graze on, even the chemistry of the soil itself will have a bearing on the composition of the milk,” says Dudley. “If we were making wine, this would be called its terroir.”

  40. Destiny says:

    Where are you calling from? aceite de neem dosis para plantas “We are not considering formation of a political party,” said Mashaei, who was barred by the ruling clerics from the ballot in June’s election as part of the high-level fallout against Ahmadinejad. “But the media can be effective. The society needs media.”

  41. Rubin says:

    I’ll send you a text tramadol and viagra premature ejaculation President Obama is very happy with the federal government status quo: ever-rising spending; continuing giant fiscal deficits; nonstop major increments to its debt; zero reform of the entitlement programs (which have many $tens of trillions in unfunded liabilities between them); and excessive regulation of the economy by federal agencies, including through the enactment of Obamacare – a poorly designed law that most U.S. citizens don’t want. The nation needs a reform of the federal government so that it doesn’t continue to overburden its economy. If President Obama and the Democrats won’t negotiate, fine. Reducing spending by shutting down the government is clumsy, but for a time might well be a good thing. The status quo is dysfunctional.

  42. Emmanuel says:

    I hate shopping customer reviews on nugenix “I know he will comply with all the rules,” a crying Melencia Hamilton, Anthony’s mother, told ABC News earlier today, before she said she learned that doctors had reversed their decision would put Anthony on the transplant list. “He will take his medicine because he knows that is how he has to live.”

  43. Orval says:

    What line of work are you in? tetracycline mk uses Instead, the new find provides a missing branch on the evolutionary tree, predating that shark-like creature and showing that a bony skeleton was the prototype for both bony and cartilaginous vertebrates.

  44. Courtney says:

    I’d like to take the job buy detrol In the back seat is Giorgos Deligiannis, a bespectacled machine operator in a pressed pastel shirt. He says it’s been hard to learn so many new skills, including accounting, and to manage so many different personalities in a collective that insists on equality over ambition.

  45. Stefan says:

    I’m doing a phd in chemistry albuterol hfa generic price Plenty why not. First, no group of lab cyclists exempts athletes from the fat-cholesterol-coronary risk equation. Second, the study was in a sense loaded. The tests were done at relatively low exertion levels where the body is happy to burn fat as fuel anyway. If things had been stepped up closer to race pace, the extra-fat athletes might have run out of gas much sooner.

  46. Alton says:

    Canada>Canada quibron 300 sr According to a December Associated Press-GfK poll, two-thirds of Americans favor those labels.

  47. Emilio says:

    Thanks for calling cialis dosage daily use The rally by some 100 people came on the first day that Filner, who has resisted mounting pressure to resign in the face of allegations of unwanted sexual advances by 16 women, was due back at work following a leave of absence to seek therapy.

  48. Gregorio says:

    In tens, please (ten pound notes) accutane price sale philippines “I want to raise as much money as possible for charity and then I’ll come back and get one for myself,” he told The Telegraph. “I want the 64GB 5s. It’s got a very good camera – I like the fact that it’s got two processors and a fingerprint sensor for security.”

  49. Carey says:

    Special Delivery viagra price za “The government is clear HS2 will be a vital part of our national infrastructure, boosting regional growth across the country and providing vital capacity the UK needs to compete in the global race.

  50. Elroy says:

    When do you want me to start? do you need a prescription for viagra online “The Simpsons,” which first aired in 1989, is the longest-running animated series in the history of U.S. television. It has made the cartoon family and their catchphrases, such as “D’oh” and “Ay caramba,” a part of American pop culture. The show is broadcast in more than 100 countries.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *