Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Dannie says:

    Looking for work pillola yasmin contro acne Mr Farage told the conference in Westminster: “We can’t have any one individual, however fun or flamboyant or entertaining or amusing they are, we cannot have any one individual destroying Ukip’s national conference and that is what he’s done today. I’m sad about that but we can’t tolerate this.”

  2. Miles says:

    I’m interested in robaxin 500 Jyske Bank’s pretax profit reached 641 million Danish crowns($114 million) in the quarter from a 711 million crown loss ayear ago, to come in above the 444 million seen in a Reuterspoll of analysts.

  3. Melvin says:

    About a year levitra 20mg uk But loyalists say linking the former secretary of State to the global philanthropic organization is a good thing, and argue that it would be unfair to tie her to problems at the organization before she got there. 

  4. Gerry says:

    Could you transfer $1000 from my current account to my deposit account? cartao de desconto crestor By bombing US-approved Islamic State targets, it is probably acting in its national interest

  5. Bryon says:

    In tens, please (ten pound notes) nitrofurantoin for sale Cordle, who turned himself in Monday, said he appeared in the video to urge others not the drink and drive. Many viewers initially respected that he fessed up to his wrongdoing and was prepared to face the consequences — not Canzani.

  6. Lindsay says:

    We’ll need to take up references finasteride 1mg precio espaa
    The task that week was to write a sestina, a tricky form. Seamus had something kind but also discriminating to say about everyone’s. He’d also brought along one of his own: I couldn’t swear he’d written it for the meeting but my impression was that he had.

  7. Savannah says:

    How much is a First Class stamp? where can i cialis Over time, these boutiques have been taking market share from their larger competitors as corporate executives increasingly value advice from advisers who place less emphasis on cross selling other banking products and services.

  8. Jeffry says:

    How do you spell that? where can i buy priligy in canada Brahmi, 58, one of the top figures in the Arab People’s Party, was shot 14 times by a gunman on a motorcycle outside his home in Cite el-Ghazala, a Tunis suburb, in full view of his wife and handicapped daughter.

  9. Randy says:

    Where do you live? schwenker pharmacy His political messages were sometimes mixed: he viewed the occupied West Bank, captured in the 1967 Middle East war, as part of the Biblical Land of Israel, but in a challenge to mainstream rabbis, he said it was permissible to cede land to prevent bloodshed.

  10. Rueben says:

    What qualifications have you got? ou s’achete le viagra “They planted the seeds for issues and mobilization efforts that clearly are going to be evident in the 2014 election cycle,” said Susan MacManus, a political science professor at the University of South Florida.

  11. Arthur says:

    Could you transfer $1000 from my current account to my deposit account? dream vegas bonus code 2020 Statements like these have been mocked over the years by US and other Western diplomats and earned Russia's foreign minister the kind of criticism once reserved for Saddam Hussein's well-groomed diplomat, Tariq Aziz.

  12. Marshall says:

    Hold the line, please amlodipine 5mg price in india “Actively spying on ministries and companies in othercountries to give an advantage to Canadian companies is not onlyillegal, it’s irresponsible, and it gives Canada a black eye inthe world,” Mulcair told a news conference.

  13. Lamont says:

    Could I take your name and number, please? is metronidazole for dogs given with food “The hope for the eurozone is that rising confidence encourages businesses to pare back job cutting and become more prepared to invest,” said Howard Archer, chief European economist at IHS Global Insight.

  14. Ayden says:

    Jonny was here wellbutrin sr 150 mg twice day He urged the nation then to speak honestly about complicated and emotionally charged issues. A day later, he seemed to shift away from the specific case to one of those issues — the debate over stand-your-ground.

  15. Tyson says:

    Could you tell me my balance, please? mens stringer tank wholesale This week a spokesperson for Israel's military said it was “preparing for an increase in requests” to allow a transfer of goods through Kerem Shalom and movement of people through Erez. “We will examine each request separately and decide on a case-by-case basis,” he said.

  16. Sidney says:

    I’m on work experience stendra price China-Biotics made news in 2011 after its auditor, BDOLimited, resigned after numerous allegations of possibleaccounting fraud, including a complaint that the company haddirected the audit firm to a “suspected fake website” to helpconfirm its bank balances.

  17. Mckinley says:

    We were at school together webmd aspirin The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention currently recommends that adults get at least two and a half hours of moderate exercise per week. Alternatively, it recommends at least one hour and 15 minutes of vigorous activity per week.

  18. Jerry says:

    What part of do you come from? montelukast indication
    Hefner (4-8) wasn’t much of a match for Hudson; he was tagged for three home runs and six runs (five earned) over 4.1 innings in his second straight poor outing following an encouraging run in which he allowed no more than three earned runs in 10 straight starts.

  19. Clement says:

    How much notice do you have to give? skelaxin euphoria
    “I don't know why the government doesn't fully recognise his contributions to Hong Kong and the world. Maybe they have some mental block because he was a fighter and not just a scholar.”

  20. Carol says:

    I like watching TV atrovent nasal spray online Yamauchi changed that. For about a decade, he’d expand the playing card business, but by 1960, he’d seen the limitations of market and started exploring other options. There were forays into taxis and hotels and even rice, but, by the late ’60s, Yamauchi was delving into technology and toys.

  21. Emily says:

    I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name about vigora 50 In his latest edition of the Thomas Report, Nigel Thomas discusses how the UK companies he is investing in are benefiting from exposure to fast growing overseas markets, his recent trip to India and the fresh insights this has brought to his stock ideas and the investment opportunities presented by developments in the oil and gas industry. Nigel Thomas, Fund Manager of the AXA Framlington UK Select Opportunities Fund.

  22. Leopoldo says:

    Can you hear me OK? country farms super greens benefits Instead, any threat is more likely to come from the right ifthey are too soft on spending. The influential conservativegroup Club for Growth, headed by former Indiana Republicancongressman Chris Chocola, is watching their every vote.

  23. Lyman says:

    There’s a three month trial period diflucan 150 uk Over the last decade, holdout investors and Argentina have sparred in the U.S. courts over the South American country’s $100 billion default in 2002. Holdouts declined to take part in two restructurings in 2005 and 2010 that drew participation from 93 percent of bondholders, who accepted returns as low as 25 cents on the dollar.

  24. Stanford says:

    Insert your card propecia cheapest uk
    The leading Democratic contenders for mayor have been split on the bills, but each vowed to make major changes to the policy if elected mayor. The leading GOP contenders have said they are opposed to the bills, saying their passage will harm the city’s crime fighting efforts.

  25. Delmer says:

    Special Delivery trazodone 50 mg patient information leaflet “It is emphatically denied that the Duke of York had any form of sexual contact or relationship with (the woman),” Buckingham Palace said in a statement

  26. Vance says:

    I’m originally from Dublin but now live in Edinburgh combivent dosage for child Lt. Gov. John Walsh, who national Democrats are pushing to jump into the race for the Senate seat being vacated by Max Baucus, reportedly “liked” a Facebook page that colorfully features pictures of women’s breasts.

  27. Terrell says:

    Other amount clotrimazole 10mg cream After a few earlier attempts, the DNA evidence was submitted to two independent labs last fall and a profile was developed. The evidence in the case has never changed, only the technology for law enforcement to explore it.

  28. Shelby says:

    Recorded Delivery how to buy viagra in uk The API in Washington collects supply information on avoluntary basis from operators of refineries, bulk terminals andpipelines. The government requires that reports be filed withthe EIA for its weekly survey.

  29. Isabelle says:

    What part of do you come from? maxbido
    Congratulations to the happy couple! Ivanka may have been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she and her siblings have not made headlines for being jerks; instead, they seem to have worked hard, gotten an education, found people they love and respect, and built families. They aren’t in the headlines every day for all sorts of negative things, and they quietly help others as well. Ivana seems to have done a good job raising the children, and I guess Donald did, too. Can’t wait to hear the name…..

  30. Thebest says:

    Directory enquiries max dose lisinopril Improving the quality of water and hand-washing could add half a centimetre on average to the height of children under five – as it is thought that dirty water and poor hygiene can increase the risk of infection in the child’s gut, reducing the amount of nutrients that can be absorbed.

  31. Heath says:

    Do you play any instruments? flat belly overnight trick free pdf
    For England, not much can match their devastating 9-3 rout in 1961 or the glory of Paul Gascoigne's spectacular goal and “dentist's chair” celebration during England's win in a vital Euro 96 group game.

  32. Delbert says:

    What line of work are you in? is acetaminophen or ibuprofen better for you NFL.com’s Albert Breer reported via sources that MRI results show Brady’s knee doesn’t have structural damage, and the reconstruction of the ACL that the quarterback tore in Week 1 of the 2008 season wasn’t compromised. Sources also told Breer that Brady will be evaluated again Thursday.

  33. Frederic says:

    Free medical insurance doctor’s best coq10 review Shocking scenes, including television footage of unarmedprotesters dropping to the ground as security forces openedfire, have been seen around the world, but many Egyptianssupport the crackdown and resent international criticism of thearmy.

  34. Nevaeh says:

    A pension scheme achat malegra So now that you have the background on your bottle of booze, let’s get real: Most drinks will be purchased in a dark bar where you won’t even get the chance to see, let alone read, what’s on the label. Moreover, many of us have what I call “alcohol allegiance” – no matter what the bottle says, we will buy the type of spirit we know and love. These new labels can come in handy, however, when it comes to portion distortion. When trying to help patients become more aware of the amount of alcohol they’re consuming, I suggest they first pour their liquor into a shot glass. For most people, that 1 and 1/2 ounce jigger doesn’t compare to the amount that usually flows into an afternoon cocktail.

  35. Raymond says:

    A pension scheme sensa clinical reviews It is the oldest bank remaining in the German-speaking part of Switzerland after St. Gallen based Wegelin shut its doors earlier this year following an indictment and fine by U.S. authorities for conspiring to help U.S. clients evade taxes.

  36. Winston says:

    I have my own business does premarin cream cause weight gain However, the plans have encountered criticism. Doug Parr, chief scientist at Greenpeace UK said that UK’s energy policy is becoming seriously distorted as result of the decision. “Whilst wind farms and even shale gas developers have to pay community benefits, only nuclear stations will get a fat taxpayer subsidy to fund them,” Parr said.

  37. Neville says:

    A staff restaurant xyngular ultimate transformation kit cost Advocates point out that the reform, formally titled the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and informally known as Obamacare, constitutes the most sweeping healthcare legislation since the creation of Medicare and Medicaid, large successful government programs for the elderly and the low income that also faced fierce political opposition when they were created in 1965. Both required years of work after their launch to refine implementation.

  38. Jamie says:

    I’m on a course at the moment all generic wellbutrin sr manufacturers But government social workers said some residents trapped in two schools were running out of food as heavy fighting had pinned down relief workers delivering supplies. Banks, shops, offices and some petrol stations remained closed.

  39. Jeramy says:

    We’d like to offer you the job hydroxychloroquine brand name The programme is to be piloted shortly in schools in parts of Cork City and Mayo as well as in Dublin 15, with a fourth site to be announced shortly

  40. Rigoberto says:

    I don’t know what I want to do after university baby panadol dosage calculator sri lanka
    John Teague, the school district’s attorney, said the decision to ask Urena to stop wasn’t driven by the foundation’s complaint. He said the school had already received inquiries from the community and had decided the action would no longer be allowed.

  41. Tobias says:

    Will I get paid for overtime? aciphex buy online canada
    Katie Hopkins, who runs her own business consultancy said: “Maternity leave was designed for large corporate firms. It can have a devastating impact on an SME. If you only employ three or four people and one of them goes on maternity leave, it can cripple your business. I am calling on the government to look at the way it legislates for maternity leave and to recognise that we are not all multinational corporates.”

  42. Tommie says:

    I’m not interested in football testarol for women “Competition is the name of the game at this protective workwear producer,” Outside reported. “Staff members come together for monthly “dirty jobs” meets and office-style competitions that range from wild game cookoffs to wellness bingo. The dress code? Wear clothes.”

  43. Ricky says:

    Have you read any good books lately? proscar buy uk It is unclear whether the measures will ease pressure fromWashington, where a handful of lawmakers are pressing regulatorsincluding the Federal Reserve and the Commodity Futures TradingCommission (CFTC) to bring banks to account.

  44. Melanie says:

    Have you got any experience? silagra 100 haltbarkeit Or, for a more diversified alternative, he recommended UK smaller companies funds such as Fidelity’s UK Smaller Companies or Cazenove UK Smaller Companies. These will not benefit from the inheritance tax breaks, of course.

  45. Jordon says:

    Get a job can you get viagra on the nhs French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius told RTL radio thatthe U.N. inspectors report regarding an Aug. 21 chemical attackthat was published on Monday showed there was “no doubt” theSyrian government was behind it.

  46. Alonzo says:

    I’m in my first year at university avanafil inn It was not until Monday that she brought Mudasiru to the private clinic, which provided him with medicine before it was too late. Although the boy has recovered, severe malaria cases can often do lasting damage to a child’s cognitive and neurological development. Katusime now lives in fear that one of her children will contract malaria again, and that she will be unable to pay for the treatment.

  47. Julius says:

    Hello good day what is albuterol sulfate hfa used for He highlights data from the US where a third of those surveyed believed sugar was bad for their health, but six out of ten thought honey was good for them – which might account for the rise of honey-flavoured meat products, chocolate, ice cream and yoghurts.

  48. Tilburg says:

    An accountancy practice harga voltaren gel 10 gr Its demand for Etisalat to find a local partner is slowingthe deal’s progress, but is not expected to derail itcompletely. Etisalat would retain majority control andconsolidate the business on its books, and is not opposed inprinciple to having a minority shareholder, two of the peoplesaid.

  49. German says:

    Have you got a telephone directory? zantac 75 mg reviews
    He also testified that his wife called him 176 times on Saturday, Oct. 20, 2007, but he ignored the calls and turned off his cellphone before going to spend the night with fellow officer Deborah Romero. The next day, he said he became worried when the calls stopped and his mother told him his wife had called in sick.

  50. Stanford says:

    I’d like , please ou acheter du kamagra gel Two phone bidders competed for the 118-carat white diamond from Africa in six minutes of measured bidding until one dropped out in the Sotheby’s jewelry auction Monday night, part of fall sales of art and collectibles by the firm and its rivals.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *