Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Tyson says:

    Your account’s overdrawn tetracycline 500mg tablet Arriving armed with a written list can’t guarantee that you won’t succumb to the allure of that red-white-and-blue July 4th cupcake tower that greets you at the door, but it does increase the odds that you’ll walk through the store with blinders as you purposefully seek out your specific items. Remember: You’re not actually saving money if you wind up spending on something you weren’t planning to buy anyway!

  2. Audrey says:

    Not available at the moment ciprofloxacina bula profissional Schools and government offices have shut for two consecutive days. Financial markets and most banks and private companies also closed as a month of rain fell in just 24 hours. Several flights have also been cancelled.

  3. Mason says:

    What university do you go to? can i take ibuprofen and prozac together
    Lebanon’s state news agency published a photo Wednesday of a shirtless Jammo lying on a blue sheet soaked with blood, his chest riddled with bullet wounds. Bullet holes were clearly visible in the walls inside the house.

  4. Emanuel says:

    I’m originally from Dublin but now live in Edinburgh depo medrol 80 mg ndc number
    Rivera did joke Thursday that with all the loot he has accumulated during the season-long send-off tributes, he may reconsider retirement. “All these gifts that I have I like it. I’m going to go to the National League and I’m going to do another year and then wrap it up,” said Rivera. “I think that’s a good idea but I have to get a different number.”

  5. Norman says:

    Which team do you support? tadacip united pharmacies Bigfoot, also known as the “skunk ape” has long puzzled cryptozoologists. Now, a group of researchers say new DNA evidence coupled with a video of a dozing female Sasquatch proves the reclusive creature’s existence.

  6. Jesus says:

    We’d like to invite you for an interview cytotec no mercado livre The dollar slipped on concern the shutdown would furtherdelay the U.S. Federal Reserve’s plans to start scaling back itsmonetary stimulus. The dollar fell to a near eight-month lowagainst a basket of six currencies and hit a 1-1/2-yearlow against the safe-haven Swiss franc.

  7. Edmund says:

    Do you know what extension he’s on? diflucan dosage 300 mg While the conservative leaders share a lot in common, they do differ on Sri Lanka. Mr Harper confirmed on Monday he will not attend the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM) in Colombo next month due to ongoing human rights concerns.

  8. Wendell says:

    I’d like to order some foreign currency zantac 300 mg ranitidine In the summer of 2012, as security conditions unraveled, with documented attacks on western facilities, a State Department officer who served on the Libya desk said Kennedy was asked about the mission’s future, and Kennedy said he would first have to check with Clinton. Based on a conversation between Ambassador Chris Stevens – who was later killed in the attack — and Clinton, Stevens’ deputy Greg Hicks testified it was the former secretary of State’s personal goal to have a permanent operation in Benghazi.

  9. Angelo says:

    Yes, I love it! nolvadex (tamoxifen) 20 mg tablets Bottom line: Short of installing its own cameras in every ballpark, there’s no way for MLB to guarantee true video independence. So for those worried about replay review taking the human element out of the game, chill. The cats working the camera have a pulse. So do the producers and directors who control what we see.

  10. Antione says:

    Very interesting tale ontario based viagra Vice Premier Zhang Gaoli said the move would help cities meet targets for cleaning up their air and promote more environmentally-friendly economic growth, the central government said on its website (www.gov.cn).

  11. Jocelyn says:

    I read a lot walmart prescription prices viagra Not the least terrifying feature of the system Sir Martin so blindly defends is the mountain of evidence to show that children taken into care can too often be subjected to physical and emotional abuse far worse than anything alleged against the parents from whom they have been removed. Of course, where fostering and adoption are genuinely necessary and work, they are admirable and can save children from a life of misery and neglect. But too often the very reverse is the case. On the very day Sir Martin was being deferentially interviewed by the Today programme, I received two more handwritten letters, smuggled out to her family from her foster home, by a bright 13-year-old girl who has now, for quite ridiculous reasons, been in state care for more than two years.

  12. Jordon says:

    I stay at home and look after the children dapoxetine daily dose The theme touches on something both poignant and excruciating: the nostalgia of middle-age – with its leaden sense of narrowing possibilities – for youth, a time when they seemed infinite.

  13. Hassan says:

    We’ll need to take up references clomid reviews twins The Army has instituted changes as well, said Laurie Dette, a spokeswoman. They include enhanced training for active shooter incidents, security forces carrying long rifles and enhanced reporting of suspicious activity, Dette said.

  14. Werner says:

    I’m on work experience ventolin msds sheet Not that Ginger doesn’t have problems of her own. In the wake of Hal losing their money, Augie has split, and Ginger is now spending time with the hunky but quick-tempered mechanic Chili (the always-watchable Bobby Cannavale).

  15. Gracie says:

    Do you know the address? isotretinoin 0.05 gel The Paris-based group, which is jointly owned by KKR and theDeconinck family shareholders, said the filing was a first steptowards a Paris stock market listing and said the company wouldpursue its growth strategy abroad.

  16. Darron says:

    How much does the job pay? lithium eskalith classification Greg Little has been all business in training camp this summer, which is good news for the Browns because they are going to need him, especially in the first two games while Josh Gordon sits out a league-ordered suspension.

  17. Scottie says:

    I’m in my first year at university tamsulosin hcl 0.4 mg capsule for kidney stones “The group is eating up a lot of cash and is unable to enhance its profitability, so some kind of change was needed to make sure it has a long-term future,” said one Paris-based financial analyst who declined to be named.

  18. Jarrett says:

    What are the hours of work? antimuscarinic effects of detrol Orton set up the decisive score with a 28-yard pass to Chris Hogan at the Vikings 2.

  19. Colby says:

    How much notice do you have to give? erythromycin stearate 500mg Be careful of becoming possessive, because particularly in the early stage of a relationship, you or your partner may not want to divulge your whole life. Some people are very private and don’t feel comfortable with telling their life story right up front. Relationships develop over time, and how long it takes for each person to open up and reveal more of themselves is entirely up to them and how comfortable they feel. Let a relationship take its natural course and don’t be too quick to rush to the next phase. Getting to know each other is one of the most exciting and interesting stages of a union, enjoy the journey!

  20. Laverne says:

    I like it a lot phone booster application The Senate Judiciary Committee hearing represents yet another challenge to the government’s surveillance activity since details about the programs were disclosed more than a month ago by former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden.

  21. Elvin says:

    Could you tell me my balance, please? pharmacy-tech-study.com top 200 drugs “The inflows into SPDR are good news,” said a trader in Hong Kong. “The fund tends to have an impact on prices because of its size. But I don’t think (inflows) will persist as fundamentals for gold are still negative.”

  22. Murray says:

    this post is fantastic fish antibiotics keflex The fast-spreading disease has cost Florida’s economy anestimated $4.5 billion in lost revenues since 2006, according tothe University of Florida’s Institute of Food and AgricultureSciences. Greening was detected in 2012 in California.

  23. Deadman says:

    Another service? estradiol gel buy uk The fact is, however, that our ways of thinking about safety and playgrounds have changed over the years — with one generation’s ideas being replaced by another’s — and the changes have not always spelled progress.

  24. Erin says:

    How long are you planning to stay here? tamoxifeno 20mg c/ 30 comprimidos “Aircraft have improved rather dramatically over the years” to resist electronic interference, Misener said. Today most are “immune to it” since they are designed to fly through radio beams from satellite dishes and broadcast towers.

  25. Wallace says:

    Are you a student? elocon pomat kullananlar Earnest said the president had last talked about the issue in an interview with Barbara Walters in December. At that time, Obama noted that the two states had legalized marijuana and that “it does not make sense from a prioritization point of view for us to focus on recreational drug users” in such states.

  26. Carmen says:

    Is there ? propranolol 40 mg tab dia Yahoo is “working closely with our advertisers to develop opportunities in a more integrated way across our full suite of media, programmatic, video and mobile properties,” Yahoo said in an emailed comment.

  27. Vaughn says:

    I’ve just graduated buy golden root complex uk
    Lawmakers on Capitol Hill have been racing to passlegislation to avert the shutdown, but time is running out. TheSenate passed a emergency-funding measure on Friday that wouldkeep the government running through Nov. 15 and the House couldvote on the bill over the weekend.

  28. Marlin says:

    I’d like to send this letter by sindol 600 ibuprofeno para que sirve Among the departed are financier Jamshid Ehsani; attorney Deborah Cogut, whose husband founded Pegasus Capital; Beth Kobliner Shaw, wife of hedge funder David Shaw, and David Schuchman, who manages computer guru Michael Dell’s fortune.

  29. Mishel says:

    Until August is cialis from aurochem any good On the one occasion she has spoken to her sons on the telephone, Daniel asked his father if he could see his mother, but was then forced to tell his mother he was not to, because “it is forbidden”.

  30. Darryl says:

    I’d like to change some money most used prescription drugs in america Alas Reuter news” to day refers to the Golden Dawn fascists as ‘lawmakers’ not “thugs” and “right wing”, not “Neo-Nazis” plus the recent victim of Golden Dawn hatred and violence is ‘fatally stabbed” not” murdered”. ” Nazi Lawbreakers ” would be an acceptable phrase.

  31. Brody says:

    This is your employment contract benemid classification It may be inexpensive, but you’ll get more for your money with rivalgadgets.

  32. Ignacio says:

    A few months levofloxacin 500 mg tablet how to take Investment has jumped in recent months as Bitcoin, theprominent digital currency not backed by a government or centralbank, has begun to gain a footing among businesses andconsumers, a key step for it to go mainstream.

  33. Russell says:

    Another year mirtazapine discontinuation syndrome Pharmaceutical company Bristol-Myers Squibb said inU.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) filings that ithad favourable tax rates in Ireland and Puerto Rico under grantsnot scheduled to expire before 2023.

  34. Winford says:

    I’m not interested in football motilium dosage for diarrhea UK Chancellor George Osborne’s surprise £2bn levy on North Sea production in his 2011 Budget was bitterly resented in the industry, and jeopardised several major investment projects.  Salmond promised: ‘Stability and predictability will underpin the taxation and regulatory regime for oil and gas production in an independent Scotland.’

  35. Randall says:

    real beauty page where to buy alli cheapest Investors in Asia are looking ahead to a week full of corporate earnings reports. Apple Inc. will disclose its quarterly results after the U.S. market closes on Tuesday. In Seoul, Asian tech titan Samsung Electronics will release its quarterly performance before trading starts on Friday.

  36. Roscoe says:

    I’m retired 28 day transformation challenge pdf
    The 2GO group has brought in international oil spill experts to help in the clean-up and deployed a 400-litre oil spill boom in the area, said Lito Salvio, an assistant vice president at the shipping firm.

  37. Pasquale says:

    Is there ? ranitidine rite aid
    Iniguez was due back in court on Wednesday, along with his co-defendant, 28-year-old Dicarlo Bennett, for a hearing at which defense lawyers for both men were expected to ask that their bail be reduced.

  38. Julian says:

    Do you know each other? eastgardens westfield pharmacy opening hours While HP’s massive but stagnant printer division made money,the personal computer business has been contracting as morecustomers switched to tablets and mobile devices. Whitman wantsto turn HP into a major player in the corporate technologyservices market, now dominated by Oracle Corp,International Business Machines Corp and Cisco SystemsInc.

  39. Benny says:

    I really like swimming viagra sublingual uk Remind me again which Korea is our ally and which is an enemy.  With a government that allows its’ companies to result in this level of ethical behavior with regard to our laws.  I don’t know which is worse, this, or our probable legal response of “yea but what are you going to do?”  Take the protection our military provides but steal any economic advantage you can over our companies.  With friends like this who needs enemies.  If your going to buy android (which I have no problem with the choice, just the substance of the os) at least buy from HTC, a Taiwanese company.  At least Taiwan behaves grateful for our protection.

  40. Oliver says:

    How do I get an outside line? terbinafine hydrochloride cream meaning in hindi Realistically, expectations are low for Smith. He’s a rookie going against a perennial Super Bowl contender in its home opener. The Patriots didn’t play well in their victory over the Bills in Buffalo, nearly losing to EJ Manuel, another rookie quarterback. Until Smith develops and Rex Ryan can figure out if he has any skill position players who can blow up a defensive game plan, he’s going to have to use the same formula with Smith that he used for Sanchez in his rookie year in 2009: Run the ball and play good defense.

  41. Willard says:

    A law firm penn pharmaceutical services ltd uk (Phys.org) —Physicists have reproduced a pattern resembling the cosmic microwave background radiation in a laboratory simulation of the Big Bang, using ultracold cesium atoms in a vacuum chamber at the …

  42. Luther says:

    I do some voluntary work cjng vs viagras 2020 Despite scattered reports of some distressed cattle from animal welfare experts, JBS USA and Tyson, Merck said it was not aware of any problems beyond those observed and taken into account when Zilmax won U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval in 2006.

  43. Travis says:

    Where do you live? how to buy tegretol online Liam Byrne, the Labour shadow work and pensions secretary, said: “The truth is finally out. Universal Credit is a titanic-sized IT disaster which Iain Duncan Smith has tried to hide with cover-up after cover-up.”

  44. Trent says:

    Have you got any qualifications? naturalxlpills.com The ability to smell one of these odors doesn’t predict the ability to smell the others, the study also found. So if someone is good at smelling blue cheese, it doesn’t mean they’ll be good at smelling an apple next to it.

  45. Winfred says:

    I’d like some euros paxil pills side effects The top sector for cash accumulation has been oil and gas,which has stockpiled 30.4 billion pounds in extra cash since2008, while miners and mobile telecoms have both accumulated inexcess of 7 billion pounds each.

  46. Edmundo says:

    I’m not working at the moment order diflucan online uk Buyers can also expect more than a just a phone for partingwith their £4k. Purchase of the Constellation allows access to Vertu Life,providing invites to high-end parties and events exclusive to Vertu phoneowners.       

  47. Casey says:

    What’s your number? voltaren gel uk boots The volunteers did not receive All-Star Game admission, but were given a chance to win one pair of tickets if they worked three shifts at any of the All-Star events, the lawsuit said. It added that all of baseball’s unpaid volunteers from 2008 through this year were required to pass background checks and attend a mandatory orientation.

  48. Coolman says:

    About a year ketoconazole 2 prix Security guards stopped anyone from entering the shopping center, telling disappointed bargain-hunters that it was closed for the rest of the day.

  49. Jorge says:

    I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name where can i buy nizoral cream in singapore Military curfews in a city that revels in late-nightshopping means many retailers are revising plans and JLLestimates the current mall vacancy rate of 25 percent will riseas more developments complete.

  50. Rudolph says:

    It’s OK motilium drugs.com
    Content engaging our readers now, with additional prominence accorded if the story is rapidly gaining attention. Our WSJ algorithm comprises 30% page views, 20% Facebook, 20% Twitter, 20% email shares and 10% comments.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *