Hard to describe in words

window
You may find yourself…
One day I woke up here and the sun was spilling into our bed in what seemed to be huge buckets of yellow and orange paint. We had breakfast together and then went outside into the garden.

People come in and out of your life for a reason
I come here immersed with gratitude. I am very lucky blessed and God has been very good to me. As I look back on Gods impeccable track record a glow of thankfulness covers me like a warm blanket in my new home.
In all that was chaos is blessings. I have done some of the footwork for I have no idea where I would be today if I wasn’t sober. Most times my mind goes faster than what I can keep up with but even that is getting better. It seems like so many many years ago I walked thru the doors of a place in Piscataway NJ, fresh out of jail, jobless and confused. It was a big room on the second floor covered with windows by a railroad track. There was always cofee and sweets, there was always clouds of cigarette smoke (yes, that’s how long ago this was.) but most of all there was always meetings. The building was not dedicated to anything else but recovery. Everyday, several times a day. And during holidays it was 24/7. I am very lucky blessed to have found people to talk to and phone numbers (there were no cell phones back then but I knew where every phone booth was)

she died a Hartman

she died a Hartman

I continue to be in awe of life …. and death. If you take for granted the billions of miracles that are going on around you and within you then you can lose touch with this whole amazing thing. You were actually a very sweet person, you just got a little lost. (like we all do) I’ve lost count of how many people have just slipped away from my life just so suddenly. They are up here, swimming and struggling* to stay afloat like the rest of us and then you turn around and
they are gone.

* and some people can just float

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

One day, a long time ago, I woke up on this farm in Canada too.

So this past June 16 was the 45 anniversary of my fathers death. I remember him telling me about the “7 year locust” next to that funny looking tree that is (still!) in our front yard. Obviously the seven year locust only come out every seven years. The story is that he was working on the rose bushes which he loved to do and one of those huge MF’ers flew into that tree and let out one of his crazy long noise/scream/bug sound. It freaked me out but my father soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry it’s only a seven year locust. He wont hurt you.” And that’s the end of the story pretty much. It’s funny how I can have memories that long ago! Actually if you asked me what my deepest longest memory EVER was, I might think it was the 1964 Words Fair in Flushing NY.

I lost you in the butterfly tent
So basically I have obtained a Flux Capacitor on Ebay and with the help of a friend of mine from New York City, we have created a Time Traveling APP. In a nutshell, when the phone is charging I can transfer through communication lines into different periods of time. My current quest is to travel digitally to a bar in West Carteret (Mikes Bar) and transfer my image onto the TV at that bar. The date I picked is October 10, 1968. A Thursday. My father frequented this bar ofter especially on Mondays and Thursdays when the Westfiels Sewing Center was opened until 9PM>
Since my father has never seen my kids, HIS grandchildren, I plan to show photos and small movies of them projected thru this black and white TV in Mikes Bar. My only hope is that dad sees them.

I haven’t traveled into the future yet. I’m too scared.

IDGAF
Sometimes I wish I never connected this blog to the family website. Sometimes creativity is hard to understand. Many

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

once a long time ago I woke up on the third floor of this Victorian mansion and had just impregnated my wife at the time with my first son.

people need pure logic and straight thoughts. Sorry I don’t have much of that nor does this blog feature happy butterfly clipart and borders of flowers. I can view the number of times this blog gets “hit” which is actually pretty high probably only because it’s so public. So I’m sorry I can be so deep and dark and I know my audience isn’t keeping up with me nor caring but it’s this: Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and the creative energy it creates just knowing I have a little corner in the world to turn to is so very nice. At least there is some family tree stuff and heritage so maybe one day one of our kids or their kids might be interested in that. I seem to be the only one.

Every time I start feeling Sorry For Myself I watch The News
I used to think I knew too much about life to have optimism. I was very wrong. When I was a teenager and into my twenties I wasn’t a very good person. In fact I was a big dick. I was indeed a racist, a sexist, an egomaniac and an irresponsible punk ass hippy. I’m very sorry to all the people I hurt, especially my family.

Everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point. I have gotten over that and have diligently tried to be a better person. I used to think that letting my divorce happen was one of my biggest mistakes. One day I woke up in my car and said “what the fuck have I done?” I should be waking up with my kids and teaching them how to sheetrock a fucking house or something! How to make a living in life. How to cook. How and when to put on underarm deodorant.
Actually I don’t have the first clue of how to sheetrock a house.
And today I don’t regret the sloppy one-sided nightmare divorce one bit. I know in my heart of hearts I did the absolute best that I could…..stressing with WHAT I HAD.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I am extremely blessed with these guys. You can not put a word to parental love.

I have been calling Uncle Billy and I did that because I had some kind of crazy resentment with him. That he “abandoned” us or something. See, I can still be an idiot. After Carol died we used to think Barb was the last elder left in the family, then we found Jerry Jones but she sadly passed away almost as soon as I found her. Our fathers brother is still here and he such a nice, intelligent man with many many memories. He was so pleasant and patient when I last spoke with him and I had a hundred questions(knowing me yes some of them were strange) He is doing very well and will soon be out of assisted care.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Westfield NJ 1919. The Westfield Sewing Center not yet here (second store from the right) I hope to time travel here some day.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve conquered it all except death. And maybe heavy merges on Rt 46 during rush hour.
When I see people in their twenties freaking out in their car, I laugh to myself. I was like that once too. Climbing the ladder of life. Knocking people down. Building a wall around myself and possessions. Yeah, this materialistic fever fed by American TV and movies. I’m reading a book now that changes all that. After the last France truck terrorism episode… it changed me greatly and I needed to find myself again. I’ll tell you one day soon how I made out.

About George C. Hartman

Redesiging design, coloring outside the lines, rolling down hills, figuring out strange people, dreaming in black and white, photographing in black and white, juggling, body surfing, fantasy football, painting, design, digital art and photo manipulation, green oceans, blue oceans, museums, discovering small towns, biking, beach, relationships that tear my heart out, bad poetry, movie making and BLOGGING
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Krystina, Tall Tales, the beginning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Hard to describe in words

  1. Kelley says:

    Could I take your name and number, please? nizoral scalp fluid shampoo costo “One of the things we got a lot of compliments on were the jokes,” says Schaefer. “We’re going to try to keep showcasing Nikki’s and my friendship, and chemistry, since that’s what people seem to respond to the most.”

  2. Friend35 says:

    A jiffy bag germany sex drops spanish fly MegaFon’s planned acquisition of Scartel will put it at the top of a three-tier market in the provision of next-generation mobile services in Russia, Fitch Ratings says. Other than a likely sale of Tele2 Russia, we do not expect further M&A among the main players in the Russian telecom market.

  3. Genesis says:

    I’m not sure generika augmentin These references may be selective, may reference only a portion of an article or recommendation, and are likely not to be current

  4. Bella says:

    Jonny was here urso polar texto em ingls The fault is not to be found in America as a Nation but in the fact that we as Americans were not sufficiently vigilant as President Dwight D. Eisenhower strongly warned us to be, more than half a century ago, that dark forces working behind the scenes could easily seize the reigns of Power in our proud Nation.

  5. Infest says:

    About a year buy viagra in india Greek police launched a crackdown on the country’s far-right Golden Dawn party, arresting the party’s chief and more than a dozen party members on charges of belonging to a criminal organization following a high-profile murder allegedly connected to a party member.

  6. Plank says:

    Just over two years neoral webmd
    Now the jumping and the stomping had subsided and the fans headed for the front of Centre Court. They looked up and waited for Murray, who was busy shaking hands of celebrities inside, looking at his name painted on the wall. He worked his way to the balcony, shook his fist in triumph at those below.

  7. Fritz says:

    Do you know each other? benadryl crema Analysts said Icahn’s interest in Apple helped cement improving sentiment on the stock, as investors began to anticipate a new line-up of gadgets in the fall, including possibly a cheaper iPhone that can spearheard a deeper drive into fast-growing emerging markets.

  8. Florentino says:

    Other amount dulcolax laxative coupons The Center for Constitutional Rights and the American Civil Liberties Union filed suit against senior CIA and military officials last year over the American’s killed. Oral arguments will begin in a federal court in that case Friday.

  9. Russell says:

    I’d like to order some foreign currency rexing v1p dash cam parking mode But they rented out clubs and insisted on caddies and a buggy, which seemed incongruous against the backdrop of ancient temples.

  10. Alejandro says:

    I’m a partner in viagra vs cialis vs levitra chart Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Abraham Khan’s ruling sided with lawyers for the pop star who argued that the case should be filed in her native Colombia or the Bahamas, where she currently claims residency.

  11. Mia says:

    I’d like to pay this cheque in, please over counter viagra The other change is a freeze in the inheritance tax threshold, which will now be fixed at £325,000 until April 2018. Also happening today is a cut in corporation tax from 23% to 21%; a further cut to 20% is scheduled for April 2015.

  12. Abdul says:

    I’m not interested in football maxines burn bars cookies and cream Camarena was kidnapped in Guadalajara, a major drug trafficking center at the time. His body and that of his Mexican pilot, both showing signs of torture, were found a month later, buried in shallow graves. Caro Quintero was eventually hunted down in Costa Rica.

  13. Wallace says:

    perfect design thanks methocarbamol tablets usp 750 mg The process is being conducted amid a civil war in which120,000 people have been killed, fragmenting Syria alongsectarian and ethnic lines and drawing in Iran and Hezbollah onthe side of Assad and his Alawite minority and Arab Sunni powerson the side of the mostly Sunni Muslim rebels.

  14. Serenity says:

    Are you a student? clindamycin for uti in cats The brand recently has had to destroy millions of eurosworth of unsold bags and many of its shops abroad are losingmoney, the sources said. Richemont does not publish separatefigures for its fashion and leather brands. (Reporting by Astrid Wendlandt, editing by Geert De Clercq andDavid Evans)

  15. Orville says:

    I’m at Liverpool University keflex dose for pediatric uti The standoff ended shortly after midnight local time in St. Joseph, La., when state police made the decision to send a SWAT team into the bank, police said. The gunman, identified as 20-year-old Fuaed Abdo Ahmed, shot the two hostages before he was killed by police, Louisiana State Trooper Albert Paxton confirmed to ABC News early this morning.

  16. Irwin says:

    This site is crazy 🙂 buy finasteride uk
    The entire rotation was originally expected to last as long as 12 hours. But as evening approached, work was clearly falling behind schedule. Some seven hours after the rotation attempt began, the Concordia had moved upward only by a total of 10 degrees.

  17. Shane says:

    Other amount differin acne gel coupons “I am willing to approve the analysis of the prosecutors after their investigation, and at the same time accept legal responsibility for this. I am deeply ashamed and regretful about this incident,” Bo said.

  18. Bonser says:

    Could I order a new chequebook, please? avanafil onset of action Meanwhile, Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has ordered an inquiry into the incident in Jinnah Avenue which will find out why police were slow to respond and why they allowed Pakistan People's Party representative Zamurud Khan to intervene.

  19. Jake says:

    An estate agents adapalene webmd
    Hours after a Friday meeting with MLB investigators at an undisclosed Tampa location for his involvement in the Biogenesis steroid scandal, the Yankees third baseman was kept from playing for the second straight day as another downpour left Steinbrenner Field unplayable for the Tampa Yankees. While A-Rod was not available to the media, the Yankees said they were “reevaluating” his situation, which could mean Rodriguez moves from the inclement Florida weather to a road game with Double-A Trenton or Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.

  20. Jack says:

    Wonderfull great site ambetter.magnoliahealthplan.com/
    The last of the diesel tanks were delivered to the Ground Zero site last week, and Eastmond’s grandson, Tyren Eastmond, 29, the company’s vice president, said he still can’t believe the venerable firm is now part of the World Trade Center’s lore.

  21. Harley says:

    Who do you work for? strattera 60 mg buy online Guests included World Bank President Jim Yong Kim and some foreign leaders, including Hendrik Toomas Ilves, president of Estonia; Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, president of Liberia; and Edi Rama, prime minister of Albania, the report said.

  22. Shannon says:

    A packet of envelopes chloramphenicol antibiotic uses That’s nice, except the Minecraft brand isn’t worth two-million let alone over two-billion

  23. Matthew says:

    Can I use your phone? mediterraneanhealth.org They offer only drugs, disease, feces, urine and more of themselves by reproducing at rate a that would embarrass a rabbit. The millions granted amnesty in the eighties were to be the last of their kind. With 20-20 hindsight they did not negotiate in good faith, being “advance scouts” for the hoards of such invaders now here or en route.

  24. Moises says:

    I’m on business cognishield nutrition @judy, the sentiment is nice, but until you can get rid of every single gun on the planet, what would it solve? If no one has anymore guns I would have no problem giving mine up, but until you can guarantee that, then I will not sacrifice my safety for your insecurities. I am not an NRA member or dem or repub, I believe it’s our rights as human being to be protected and that can’t be guaranteed until every single gun on the planet is destroyed including those by the military and police. You trust your safety to believe people will be good, I trust my safety to me, because I know what humans are capable of, as I’m sure you have seen in the ER.

  25. Reginald says:

    Hello good day order cephalexin On this week’s Daily News Fifth Yankees Podcast, Mark Feinsand sits down with Yankees outfielder Vernon Wells to discuss the current state of the team, the Ryan Braun and Alex Rodriguez controversies and much more.

  26. Earle says:

    I’m on business ciprofloxacino 250 para que sirve Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel said he spoke with his Egyptian counterpart about the canceled maneuvers, and added that “the United States has made it clear that the Egyptian government must refrain from violence, respect freedom of assembly and move toward an inclusive political transition.”

  27. Jayden says:

    I’m a member of a gym uso de viagra In 2008, the Fed had approved such tolling deals for Scotland-based RBS as part of its jointventure with U.S. merchant trader Sempra Commodities. The approval was the most expansive theFed had granted since it first allowed commercial banks to trade physical commodities in 2003;it included a range of activities that other banks would seek to match.

  28. Mario says:

    Where are you calling from? nootropil medscape “I have some concerns over how cluttered we will make our corporation tax system and actually whether, in the detail of this, there are some things that might make this not work how we would like it to work, but I would suggest that a committee stage is perhaps the right place to think through those issues.”

  29. Bob says:

    In tens, please (ten pound notes) amino prime gnc So, amongst all the random shots of my desk at work or the streets along which I walk, there are images of me practising the piano, of a meeting at the office where everyone looks just slightly bored, of a colleague stopping at my desk to discuss a story. None of them posed, each giving an unfiltered glimpse of my day.

  30. Michelle says:

    Very Good Site piden receta para comprar misoprostol Salkin tells us he and Food Network execs cooperated on the book “for three years,” but their relationship eventually soured over the direction the tome was taking. A rep for the Food Network declined to comment.

  31. Darron says:

    I’m at Liverpool University pharmacy rx world phone Parents might not notice a small head deformation because they get used to how their baby looks, Stellwagen said, so it’s important for doctors to take a close look at the skull at early well-child visits.

  32. DE says:

    Photography can i buy fluconazole over the counter in the uk
    No one immediately claimed responsibility for the attack, but insurgents have been regaining strength in recent months, recruiting from the country’s Sunni minority, which resents Shi’ite domination since the U.S.-led invasion of 2003.

  33. Cyrus says:

    I’d like to open a business account motilium online australia Under chief executive Igor Sechin, a long-time ally ofPresident Vladimir Putin, Rosneft has grown into the world’slargest listed oil firm by output, boosted by its $55 billiontakeover of Anglo-Russian oil venture TNK-BP in March.

  34. Berry says:

    I’ll text you later dianabol tablet review in hindi The deprivation of their families made them desperate for the school's free food. Their low rank in society made it impossible for them to demand that it be prepared under safe and hygienic conditions, and ensured they went unheard when complaining of the food’s foul taste.

  35. Jessie says:

    perfect design thanks aspirin and plavix vs aggrenox Thomas Vester Nielsen, frontier market portfolio manager atLloyd George Management (LGM), a unit of Bank of Montreal, said the beauty of holding 40 equities in two dozenless-developed countries is that they have no correlation witheach other. Problems in Georgia may not touch Cambodia, andstrife in Kenya is not likely to affect shares in the UnitedArab Emirates.

  36. Moses says:

    What sort of work do you do? cefadroxil goodrx In America, this translated to the words “Diet Coke” and “Coca-Cola Zero” switching from vertical to horizontal on cans.

  37. Autumn says:

    Thanks for calling what condition is the drug albuterol sulfate hfa used to treat I think about my grandparents’ generation.  When my grandfather served in World War II, he fought in Patton’s Army — when he got back, this country gave him a chance to go to college on the G.I. Bill, but it also gave him the chance to buy his first home with a loan from the FHA.  To him, and to generations of Americans before and since, a home was more than just a house. It was a source of pride and a source of security.  It was a place to raise kids, to put down roots; a place where you could build up savings for college, or to start a business, or to retire with some security.  

  38. Haley says:

    I like watching football review of sleepwell mattress india A year later, a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration vessel examining seafloor habitat and naturally occurring gas seepage used a remote-controlled vehicle to briefly examine the wreck. Besides determining the ship’s dimensions, the examination showed it to be undisturbed and likely from the early 19th century.

  39. Willian says:

    Could I have , please? trenbolone acetate testosterone cypionate cycle The amendment, introduced by Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.), says “the Department of Defense may not use a drone to kill a citizen of the United States,” but that protection “shall not apply to an individual who is actively engaged in combat against the United States.”

  40. Efren says:

    I’ve got a very weak signal order clomid online australia A Spanish government spokesman told the BBC that although the Falkland Islands – over which Britain went to war with Argentina – and Gibraltar were different issues, there were similarities between the two disputes.

  41. Britt says:

    There’s a three month trial period overnite lexapro Not only is he no longer burning bright, the Tiger invites us to celebrate the absence of anything resembling an old flame. He seems to see it as career progress. Others might reasonably sniff a hint of tragedy.

  42. Infest says:

    I’m training to be an engineer canadian atarax But that creates another problem. The rules insist they must return to the country where they first claimed asylum within three months, and while the majority simply overstay, every year hundreds are caught and forcibly returned to Malta from other Schengen countries.

  43. Jenna says:

    Free medical insurance peako2 side effects
    Peter Davies of the NCA said: “A common position for those institutions confronted with their past failures is to admit that things did once go wrong but that they have put measures in place to stop it happening again.

  44. Melvin says:

    I can’t get through at the moment sozumeron secrets pdf “They burn people, slaughter them. They are merciless and have no true religion. They carry the banner of Islam, but in reality they are defiling it. They distort the message that 'God is the greatest and Muhammad is his prophet,' no more, no less. They are takfiris [excommunicators].”

  45. Coco888 says:

    A jiffy bag buy real viagra without prescription Take that jolly manager’s introduction. “Good evening, signore, and how was your day?” “Very average thank you,” I replied, “and yours?” “Splendido. My wife… she is away!” All harmless enough in an Italianate Max Miller kinda way, but too self-consciously winsome for a restaurant of this quality. Winsome, as Alan Bennett once put it, lose some.

  46. Sanford says:

    Will I be paid weekly or monthly? what is the dosage for dulcolax tablets There was no impassioned speech by Smith in the huddle, no slapping helmets, no promises of a big steak dinner, just a rookie who had a so-so day trying to pull out a game for his team, which was in desperate need of a reason — and 50 yards — to feel good about itself.

  47. Lioncool says:

    There’s a three month trial period diclofenac 150 mg tab “Since these viruses pose a serious threat to human health and are considered potential biological weapons, an urgent need exists for effective therapeutics against these agents,” the DTRA solicitation says.

  48. Jamaal says:

    I’d like to apply for this job nombre comercial de ciprofloxacina oftalmica Several hours after the gunshots at Westgate Mall, the people cowering inside the Barclays bank heard a commotion. As the attackers approached, the Jewish businessman spit on his hand to erase the words he had by then committed to memory.

  49. Chong says:

    Will I have to work on Saturdays? buy sominex boots THUNG WA, Thailand, Dec 19 (Thomson Reuters Foundation) -A fter the tsunami pounded Thailand’s Andaman Sea coast a decadeago, the ethnic Moklen fishing communities that have lived herefor generations buried their dead, fought off land grabs torebuild their homes, and – surprisingly – sighed in relief.

  50. Rodrick says:

    I enjoy travelling wake up lean pdf “I was 18 years old. My father and I are collectively charged with hundreds of counts. The police assured, through misinformation, through lying, through the pressure of the press, the threats of the judge, that there would be no chance of defense witnesses at the trial,” he said.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *