For gratitude has escaped me….Entry for May 3, 2007

For gratitiude escapes me, once upon a time, I had the taste of a very sour marriage in my mouth and in my pores and seeping into my soul. She wasn’t a bad woman…it was just a wrong match. Come walk with me God into the depths of lonliness and poverty….even though I was working seventy hours a week. This was were I ended up: Divorce rehab. Where Belinda had just graduated. I fought it with all my my might. I cried like a river when I couldn’t even afford my little room three blocks from the beach. So why was I back with Barb and George? Things just weren’t going my way …so it seems. Where has everything gone….(i screamed one night in a dream) I woke up in my car in a dark parking lot. Listen: Sometimes you are picked up by the fingers of God and he gently (sometimes not so) into a place that you don’t want to go.
Thank you Barb and George….my sister and brother-in-law…..(no “in-laws” here! He is my brother.) Thank you…..because today I have a bed to come home to. A roof over my head. (where I can hear the rain fall on the top of the house) I have great food on the table. And when I get uncomfortable living in someone elses house….George always reminds me; “Joshua is my Godchild” And that is why I am here, Because my money goes to them. It is for them. More then the serenity of a loving home…..I have learned how to help others…how to give….for I have never seen so much charity and love in such a little house. Thank you Barb and George for teaching me how to take care of older people….thank you for giving me the dirt in the garden and the grass stains on my knees…thank you for giving me the carpet burns on my elbows when I wrestle my boys on your carpet. This isn’t where I wanted to be…but this is where I was placed. For when graitude escapes me…it is time to say thank you.