Nothing I ever said.

Nothing I ever said changed anything. Nothing I ever did made a difference. Nothing is ok with me because Im not here to change this world. I am just trying to survive it. My ability to cut people pff and self-isolate not a skill to be proud of. It’s a trauma response rooted deep in never having anyone to depend on. People need to understand that once you go through your worse time alone you really don’t care who stays in your life anymore. Being comfortable alone is a superpower. Eating alone. Movies alone. Travel alone. Most people need constant company.They’re afraid of their own thoughts.But solitude is where you meet yourself. Where clarity lives. Where peace exists. If you can’t be alone, you’ll accept anyone. Master solitude. Then choose company. According to psychology the reason you talk a lot and overshare is because there was no-one there to listen to you when you were a child.
It’s a different kind of pain, when you’re going thru a lot and you need someone to talk to, but you just don’t want to bother anyone.So you just sit there alone drowning in your thoughts. One weird survival mode syndrome; realizing you’d rather stay home because your nervous system started associating home with safety and everything outside of that with stress and exhaustion.
There will always be a situation you think you’ll never get over and then you always do….evertime.