My fellow globally-warmed Americans-are you ready now, to vote for me. Although I am a 12 stepper in recovery from alcohol, drugs and whatever else I could get my hands on, although I have a misdemeanor or two on my record, although I didn’t go back to college until I was 38, my greatest asset, my fellow Americans is that I am NOT a politician ! The Hippies were right my friends….in everything they protested for, especially not wearing bras!
Look at our planet, my SUV driving friends. Where is the sky? Take me to the trees. The animals and fish are dying.
I’m talking about, say, energy-efficient light bulbs. I’m looking at organic foods going mainstream. I mean chemical-free cleaning products widely available at Target and I’m talking saving the whales and protecting the dolphins and I mean yoga studios flourishing in every small town, giant boxes of organic cereal at Costco and non-phthalates dildos at Good Vibes and the Toyota Prius becoming the nation’s oddest status symbol. You know, good things.
I read that out west they are letting their horses free because the feed cost too much! We need to TAKE A HISTORICAL STEP BACKWARDS.
Use your land to grow food. Use a horse to get to work. And when it shits—put it in your garden. Have dinner with your family at night after working on your land. Turn off ALL your monitors. Chop wood and carry water. BUY a cow!
The first step, as president of the USA will be to withdraw our troops from all over the world and bring them home. We will apologize to Iraq and rebuild their country.
Our new National Anthem will be “Imagine” by John Lennon.
Vote for me and the White House will be closed down and a tent will be raised. The whole world is watching and waiting…….to follow us. You know, all that typical hippie crap no one believes in anymore. Right?
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scott
DATE: 06/19/2008 21:03:31
I was with you all the way until you suggested that we apologize and rebuild Iraq. How about we just get out of everywhere – Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Korea, Japan – no apologies. We were there in each place for a good reason. Now it’s time to come home, though. Let the world fight its own battles.
Peace…
COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 06/23/2008 05:48:02
You had me LOL with your humor. And why not humor when it comes to the environment? Unless people have been living in a hole the last few years they should have already converted to the energy-efficient bulbs. Problem is we shouldn’t be selling anything but that. I went kayaking with my kids this weekend and we peacefully spent the weekend camping. All around us though huge speed boats, guzzling gas and polluting, why? Same with the gas-guzzling SUV’s, send them to the junkyard. Have you seen the new Fiat 500? Powered by 3 different “green” engines. The sign of a Mini revolution? Who knows. Keep up the good work.