Entry for July 22, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman

If somebody could help me, please…because right now, I am engulfed in sadness and strangely a horrible rage. Like I want to blame somebody and hurt them. Because I know it is way too early to even try to understand it. Maybe I shouldn’t even be here yet at this blog. It is still too raw, too unreal and way too early to even BELIEVE. But in some simple way maybe there is a space where we can come…..and remember her awesome spirit of life, her laughter, the sparkle in her blue eyes, her uncanny gift of never seeming to be ruffled by anything.

Maybe this can be a place to pray for her beautiful soul, to cry or to vent. Somebody please help me…..because I am at a total loss of words. I love you Brenda so so so so VERY much. I don’t understand it. I don’t think I ever will.

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Where are they now ? ? ? …….Entry for July 8, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman

Our step brother Eddy and his son


Edzoo….is doing good these days.
….he lives in a nice little home in a cute little Woodbridge neighborhood. Eddy still works for the same Electric company. 12 years now. He works allot of hours He is loyal and dedicated.. He travels allot. Michele and him married for 15 years now, maybe more. I remember and will always remember his wedding, like it was yesterday. Eddy cried three rivers as he walked up the aisle. And it was just at that moment I realized how much I had judged him and pretty much despised him sometimes. I never agreed with moms ridiculously quick marriage to Ed Karst and the sudden move-in and invasion of these FOUR MORE people on an already crowded household.
(JOKE: How do you know when two alcoholics are on their second date??? (do you give up?) ANSEWER: There is a moving van in the driveway !)
When I saw Eddy crying happy tears on his wedding, I realized how wrong I was about him. He really was a gentle soul when you think about it. He took so much abuse….more than anybody…..out of all 13 of us. But he always brushed it right off.
He is an extremely talented electrician today. He will still give you or anybody the shirt off his back without blinking an eye.
Many many years ago…for whatever reason;
his mother opened the door one day and never came back.
never called
never even looked back
forever
He seemed to have brushed that off as well.
Eddie is a father now, and that is him and Dean (Dino !) and from the little of what I saw in my short visit:…Eddie will never EVER walk out the door and disappear on this kid.

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The Two Balloons…..Entry for July 7, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman


A Green balloon and a Blue balloon were set free to float around sky and earth. They separated, but a year later the winds brought them together again. Instantly the Blue balloon began a long story of oppression and misfortune. “I resent getting bumped by EVERYTHING,” the long complaint ended.

The Green balloon nodded in understanding. “At first I suffered from the same bumps. Then I learned a FANTASTIC secret which may seem strange to you. I learned to not enjoy my resentment. Now, I still run into all sorts of objects but I don’t feel a thing. You see, I learned that my resentment was the bump.

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An open apology to the entire family………..Entry for June 30, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman

ONCE…..a very long time ago. It was a very dark hot night in the Summer. Whitman street. Carteret NJ. Everyone was sleeping.
Except for me.
All I wanted was something cool. Something really magical and wonderful.
In this dark sleeping house…….I wandered…..alone……and frightened that I may be caught.
In the upstairs hallway I placed a jar. Full of “lightening bugs” that I had captured earlier. Hundreds of them.
And in the middle of the upstairs hallway….I opened the jar….and let them out.

It wasn’t as magical and wonderful as I thought. Everyone was sleeping anyway.
And the next morning there were hundreds of dead bugs everywhere.
It was pretty disgusting. It was me. I did it. I am deeply sorry.
-signed
George

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Happy Birthday Mom……Entry for June 27, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman

Way back in the Summer of 1967 our family spent the Summer at Mantalookin on the Jersey shore–I know it was 1967 because “Windy” by The Association was playing constantly on the radio. At seven years old I knew all the words by heart. When I hear that song to this day—-all the memories of that Summer at Grandpa Gills Summer house come storming back.
Getting thrown into the lagoon by Rebel. Crabbing with Carol. Being allowed to hold a sparkler in my hand on the 4th of July.
God, I hated that lagoon. It was just too dark and mysterious and besides I had recently saw “The Monster From the Dark Lagoon”

Every night the adults put us to bed really early. I remember the sun was STILL UP! How am I supposed to sleep like this.
One night mom bought me to bed said, “be right back to tuck you in”
I waited.
Waited.
Watched the shadows move across the ceiling.
Waited as it got darker.
Darker.

Suddenly the door opened and it was Mom. She didn’t forget. “I’m sorry honey, I almost forgot.”
There is really nothing quite like being; “tucked in”
Probably one of the most secure feelings in the world for an eight year old boy.

Mom. I miss you. You should still be around damn it. Those fucking cigarettes! You were WAY too young. So was Carol. So was Brother and Bev. And Dad……38 years old.
You would have ONLY been 72 years old. See, your best friend from Whitman street, Helen, lived to be 80 (she didn’t smoke)

Who am I to have ever judged you and to have hated you and pushed you away from me almost my whole life. You were, who you were. You were very human, like all of us. We all make mistakes and do stupid things.
You had 10 kids. Dads business. You weren’t a business person. You were forced into it. People were embezzling money from you. Stealing from 10 kids and a mom. You did the best you can—
you did the best you can
you did
I remember that night like it was yesterday. You know how some memories in our cluttered brains are forever?
I remember the wooden venition blinds in my room……waiting. The clinking glasses of the adults outside. … thank you for coming back forty one years ago mom…..it meant the world to me. See, I remembered your favorite color was green. I really hope we see each other again mom. I miss you. Happy Birthday.

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The Hippies were right……..Entry for June 18, 2008

Posted on May 10, 2009 by George C. Hartman


My fellow globally-warmed Americans-are you ready now, to vote for me. Although I am a 12 stepper in recovery from alcohol, drugs and whatever else I could get my hands on, although I have a misdemeanor or two on my record, although I didn’t go back to college until I was 38, my greatest asset, my fellow Americans is that I am NOT a politician ! The Hippies were right my friends….in everything they protested for, especially not wearing bras!
Look at our planet, my SUV driving friends. Where is the sky? Take me to the trees. The animals and fish are dying.

I’m talking about, say, energy-efficient light bulbs. I’m looking at organic foods going mainstream. I mean chemical-free cleaning products widely available at Target and I’m talking saving the whales and protecting the dolphins and I mean yoga studios flourishing in every small town, giant boxes of organic cereal at Costco and non-phthalates dildos at Good Vibes and the Toyota Prius becoming the nation’s oddest status symbol. You know, good things.

I read that out west they are letting their horses free because the feed cost too much! We need to TAKE A HISTORICAL STEP BACKWARDS.
Use your land to grow food. Use a horse to get to work. And when it shits—put it in your garden. Have dinner with your family at night after working on your land. Turn off ALL your monitors. Chop wood and carry water. BUY a cow!

The first step, as president of the USA will be to withdraw our troops from all over the world and bring them home. We will apologize to Iraq and rebuild their country.
Our new National Anthem will be “Imagine” by John Lennon.
Vote for me and the White House will be closed down and a tent will be raised. The whole world is watching and waiting…….to follow us. You know, all that typical hippie crap no one believes in anymore. Right?

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Dreaming in Black & White….Entry for May 30, 2008

Posted on May 9, 2009 by George C. Hartman

In this dream I was a kid in our house on Whitman street in Carteret NJ. It was Fall because everything was black and white outside and inside even our pets. Mom and Dad were at Liberty Bell betting on Joanies Ponie. I was scared. Not because of the trees outside but because Carol and Rebel were watching usbut that everthing seemed different.

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Maddy Cleans up her act………Entry for May 23, 2008

Posted on May 9, 2009 by George C. Hartman


Seems Glenn Jr has been teaching Maddy early techniques in street art.
Maddy and her friend were seen hanging from a railroad bridge with spraypaint cans and retreated to a much safer, Chalk on the Sidewalk.
Check it out!

Prettyful Flowers

Just an example of some new artwork by Madison. Seems that she is surrounded by creativity in her family so she continues the heritage.

Jump right to her art page here!

Way to go Maddy!!!

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The Safest Place in the World……..Entry for May 12, 2008

Posted on May 9, 2009 by George C. Hartman

This is a real photo of a real place. But I painted the sky. Because when I opened the digital image on my Mac, the sky was white. I hate white skies.
Our sister Barb has shown me some wonderful things since I moved in. Bike trails, hiking paths, restaurants, free places, museums, bargain centers, thrift shops, flea markets and so on. You all know what I am talking about because you all know our dear sister Barb.
This is a home where nuns from all over the world come to get ready to face the planet earth. They are the nuns of Sister Theresa. I quess there is about 30 of them living here, a very humble blessed life. On Sunday evenings they gather upstairs in a small chapel. In the photo it is that circle window on the second floor. When I go there with her, I am AMAZED.
The dedication, faith and love in this house.
On the nights that we go there they pray the rosary on their knees and sing songs.
They have the cutest, meekest little voices.
I feel so protected. From everything that is outside of us. This house is in the inner city of Plainfield. Surrounded by murder, drugs, unemployment etc.

But when I am up there, it is the safest place on the earth.
Now with all the Typhoons and tornados, the escalating cost of living, the endless war against terrorism, sometimes I worry about my job, and I work in a city with a huge target painted on its back. It seems that the rollercoaster never stops. I am up. Happy. And I crash. My heart breaks like a piece of glass and I pick up all the pieces and then my hands are bleeding. I can fit everything I own on this planet in my car (and it is a two door) but I have this place I can go, the safest place in the world, and I have my family, and I have love for my children that I cannot describe. And I can paint blue skys.
I am the richest man on earth.
“Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.” –from the “Wizard Of Oz”

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Double HURRAY !!!!!…..Entry for May 13, 2008

Posted on May 9, 2009 by George C. Hartman


This is what I DO love about technology—-a photo sent over the phone. Do you think Bernadette looks proud here? Three unbelievable smiles!!!
Afterwards a phone call from Bernadette, mothers day weekend. KRISS & CASS were accepted to the University of Cinncinnati ! What a celebration ! Bern was full of tears in her phone call, she was so proud….as we ALL ARE I am sure.
Congratulations girls !!!

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